Quote From: astrain
I am at the end of my rope. My son is 35 years old and lives at home. He helps very little around the house and when he has a job, he does not spendhis money responsibly. He has a 4 years old child who is he supposed to pay $362 per month child support, but he knows if he doesnt pay it that I will because I dont want to see the child suffer. 99% of the time I pay the child support. He says" dont pay the support" but I know if I dont it wont get paid and the law will be coming to my house. What makes it worse is that I retired from our local Social Services as the Child Support Supervisor, and have a son who is a dead beat dad. I cant stand the embarassment of anyone knowing the doesnt pay his support, so I pay it. My husband died 8 years ago and left me some money and for some reason my son feels he should share in that money. I furnish him with a place to live, food, clothing and spending money. I have the responsibility to get him to and from work because he doesnt have a driver's licence. (Three DWIs)
I have given him money to move out and he spent it on other things. WHAT AM I TO DO????
At 35 YOU SHOULD PUT HIM OUT! You are not helping him to br responsible for his own life,NO, you are enabling him to stay a "dead beat dad" and "mooching" off you.There are plenty of places he can get help and working for SS you should know of them. Intervene, tell him , he has to get in a program along program. That's what I did with my son. He went into in a program at 25 yrs and came out at 27.5 yrs. It was hard to do BUT what rewards, for him and his self esteem and he's married, has a wonderful family , a beautiful home and he makes $250,000.00 a year salary..YES! THAT IS A QUARTER OF A MILLION $ A YEAR!....It can be done, YOU should be going every day to Alanon meetings. That's what helped me become stronger to deal with my son and I thank God that I did . Some weeks I went everyday to Alanon meetings because I needed the support.....so YOU just help your self. If you do you will know how to help your son.
I have a life long friend who kept making excuses for her son who didn't want to take responsibility for his life..she paid his rent....gave him money..she made excuses that he played in a band and wasn't making much money. His health started to fail because he put on weight and last year at 44 he died of heart failure. To me that was UNCONSICENCABLE because she is educated, was VP of a company and also, had a degree in Psychology. Now, she tells me that her overweight daughtet had terrible helath problems...so, I asked her...are you going to just sit by and let her die? I wanted to say like you did for your son?
ITs called KILLING YOUR CHILD WITH KINDNESS! Wake up every one here on this formun, get some back bone and help these childern to GROW UP! WE are only "victims" if we "CHOOSE" to be.
