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Replies to 'Defining Your Authentic Self'
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January 31, 2006, 1:38 pm PST
 Quote From: enzymbia
Hi all!
I decided that since it's been a few months since I wrote here the last time, I might give you an update. I decided somewhere to STOP hiding online and to STOP runing away from LIFE - and in doing this, I realised that Self Matters was not the tool for me. Self Matters is about your past, and many "bad" things that happened. I realised I have spent YEARS in therapy talking about these things, and that I just wasn't MOVING on... So basically I did a one-eighty turn and decided to focus on here and now and that kind of stuff...
In many ways it has worked out for me very well, in others it hasn't. I am currently not on talking basis with my mother, nor do I live with her. We got into this huge row in mind/end of November about how my mother have/have tried to manipulate me, controll me and threathen me and my bf. We haven't spoken since mid-December. I am currently living with (and off) my bf and others that I know, on the other side of the country. It is an annoying situation to be in, because I am 6 months away from becoming of age, and NOW, all of a SUDDEN everybody (here meaning my mother and social services, etc) decides to tell me that I'm "a child" and need "to be taken care of"... Let me just vent a bit, and please excuse the language. HOW THE F**K CAN THEY SUDDENLY BUTT INTO MY LIFE, TELLING ME ALL THESE THINGS, WHEN FOR FREAKING 4 OR 5 YEARS, NO ONE HAS SAID A S**T?!?!?!?! Explain it to me! How is it that after I moved away from home (August), everyone decides that I am not cabable of taking care of myself, when before that I have handled SCHOOL, MEDICAL CARE, PSYCHIATRIC CARE and INVESTIGATIONS by myself - and at the same time STARTING UP and RUNNING an organization, all these things that I have taken care of since I was 13, WHY IS IT THAT NOW THAT I AM FREAKING 17, 6 MONTHS FROM TURNING 18, IT'S TIME TO TELL ME THAT I'M A "CHILD" AND THAT I NEED "TO BE TAKEN CARE OF!??! ) BS, is all I have to say.
And all the while I "need to be taken care of", NO ONE sees fit to support me (except the friends I move around at, and my bf). How come they cannot help me financially?? My mother has given me NOTHING between November and last week, when she suddenly decided to give me the money that she used that was in reality MINE. And that's probably because I call this one guy that is supposed to look over my finances, my "econom" if you so wish. (Dunno the term in English - sorry)
All social services can offer is to ship me back to my mother's untill I have finished junior college (I got expelled for not showing up - even tough I tried to explain why I wasn't and what was going on when they called me) and/or turned 18. I will not go back up there. I will not go back up to a situation where I have literary NO emotional support, NO friends and NO "allies". I refuse to be put in a home for crazy kids, I refuse to have to spend 6 months in a "new family" or in what I believe to be hell, just to please social services.
I do understand that the cursing and ranting is far far from adult and mature behaviour. Please do not mistake this for being how I am at all times - right now I am ANGRY and I am HURT and CONFUSED and DISAPPOINTED. Sounds a little like what was going on with me at work ... I just couldn't figure out why my supervisor & friend continued to treat me as a moron while the folks I work with on teams and with upper management treated me as an equal. I finally figured out that I had to do what I needed to do to survive - and when the opportunity arose for me to take an early retirement, I grabbed it!
You are angry and bitter and confused ... and until you turn 18, you are a child. If the U.S. a child can go to court and become an adult ... however, they have to show they are an adult.
Remember, that the anger that is feeding you is going to run over you and take you places where you don't want to go. Deal with the anger - cause that's what they want .. keeping a person in anger/pain keeps that person angry because that person will continue to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.
To win over the situation means to deal with the anger so that you free up the mental self-talk and tapes you have written so you can DO DIFFERENT ... it sounds crazy but it really does work. I actually was able to do things and make changes in my work life that allowed me to win over them - they thought they won; however, I always got what I wanted ... |
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February 1, 2006, 7:49 am PST
Quote From: enzymbia
Hi all!
I decided that since it's been a few months since I wrote here the last time, I might give you an update. I decided somewhere to STOP hiding online and to STOP runing away from LIFE - and in doing this, I realised that Self Matters was not the tool for me. Self Matters is about your past, and many "bad" things that happened. I realised I have spent YEARS in therapy talking about these things, and that I just wasn't MOVING on... So basically I did a one-eighty turn and decided to focus on here and now and that kind of stuff...
In many ways it has worked out for me very well, in others it hasn't. I am currently not on talking basis with my mother, nor do I live with her. We got into this huge row in mind/end of November about how my mother have/have tried to manipulate me, controll me and threathen me and my bf. We haven't spoken since mid-December. I am currently living with (and off) my bf and others that I know, on the other side of the country. It is an annoying situation to be in, because I am 6 months away from becoming of age, and NOW, all of a SUDDEN everybody (here meaning my mother and social services, etc) decides to tell me that I'm "a child" and need "to be taken care of"... Let me just vent a bit, and please excuse the language. HOW THE F**K CAN THEY SUDDENLY BUTT INTO MY LIFE, TELLING ME ALL THESE THINGS, WHEN FOR FREAKING 4 OR 5 YEARS, NO ONE HAS SAID A S**T?!?!?!?! Explain it to me! How is it that after I moved away from home (August), everyone decides that I am not cabable of taking care of myself, when before that I have handled SCHOOL, MEDICAL CARE, PSYCHIATRIC CARE and INVESTIGATIONS by myself - and at the same time STARTING UP and RUNNING an organization, all these things that I have taken care of since I was 13, WHY IS IT THAT NOW THAT I AM FREAKING 17, 6 MONTHS FROM TURNING 18, IT'S TIME TO TELL ME THAT I'M A "CHILD" AND THAT I NEED "TO BE TAKEN CARE OF!??! ) BS, is all I have to say.
And all the while I "need to be taken care of", NO ONE sees fit to support me (except the friends I move around at, and my bf). How come they cannot help me financially?? My mother has given me NOTHING between November and last week, when she suddenly decided to give me the money that she used that was in reality MINE. And that's probably because I call this one guy that is supposed to look over my finances, my "econom" if you so wish. (Dunno the term in English - sorry)
All social services can offer is to ship me back to my mother's untill I have finished junior college (I got expelled for not showing up - even tough I tried to explain why I wasn't and what was going on when they called me) and/or turned 18. I will not go back up there. I will not go back up to a situation where I have literary NO emotional support, NO friends and NO "allies". I refuse to be put in a home for crazy kids, I refuse to have to spend 6 months in a "new family" or in what I believe to be hell, just to please social services.
I do understand that the cursing and ranting is far far from adult and mature behaviour. Please do not mistake this for being how I am at all times - right now I am ANGRY and I am HURT and CONFUSED and DISAPPOINTED. I was thinking about you yesterday, and here you are! I'm sorry to hear that things are still on the rough side for you. It occurs to me that possibly the social services need you to be established at an address? This sounds really insensitive I know, but even though social services pays for your counseling and possibly some other things, that money comes from taxpayers and goes through a government agency, which means there's all kinds of red tape and documentation behind it. It all comes down to the distribution of money, you see, and since you are considered a minor, you need a permanant address on their records, supervised by a "responsible" adult, in order for them to disburse funds in your behalf. That's why everybody's hounding you about either going home, or going into some other "approved" facility. This is the way it is here, and from what you say, it sounds similar there. Would it be the end of the world for you to move back for the 6 months remaining of your "childhood?" I know it will be difficult because you are so independant and used to living on your own, but it sounds like the choice comes down to either that, or giving up your counseling and aid programs. You mention that your mother is manipulative and you and she don't get along. Is there verbal or physical abuse as well? Is it possible to arrange something with another family member? I know this is hard for you, but sometimes we have to comply with the rules of society in order to use the benefits that society conveys to us. There are always options within those rules however. Gather as much information as you can. And take care, you are a very courageous and intelligent young lady. |
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