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Replies to '06/21 "Throw It Out!"'

 
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February 1, 2006, 4:39 am PST

Do you think anyone could help?

Quote From: mvngfwd

My sister and I have been embarrassed for most of our lives about our parent's in ability to use a trashcan.  The junk in my parent's house has reached the point to where you ablsolutely can not move or even find a place to sit.  I recently went to their house to try and help them move forward and at least get the house to where possum will not be running around in the attic and falling through the ceiling.  There were numerous bags of beercans which they had collected for years thinking they were worth money, I threw them out onto the trashpile that was surprizingly large considdering but my mother would take them off with a degree of violence that was just disturbing.  Her dementia has become extreemly bad over the past few years and I realize that as my parents age, they will not be able to help their situation only to fall into financial ruin in a pile of junk garnished with vermin.  When they tell me that something has sentimental value I try to get them to treat it as though it realy does mean something, but htey just don't get it.  altough they say they want to move forward and create a good living environment, they will not let go.  One thing they do not understand is just because something was good once upon a time,  it is not good after it sits in the back yard and deteriorates and rusts.  There aren't enogh words to describe how bad their house has become but it is worse than any house I have seen on any "hoarding" tv show.  I guess they would feel as uncomfortable in a clean environment is I do in theirs but as they age, it has become a danger to them.  The thing is, as much as the hoarding is a problem they also have the problem of extreem laziness.  The only thing they are proactive on is blame, and we all know how effective blame can be!  After being told for years that the condition of the house was my fault, I moved far enough away to where they could not hold me responsible.  What I find simply amazing is the list of excuses they have come up  with since then.  I know that it is wrong to try to "fix" the situation as it will only pile up again after I clean it up but I can not ignore it either. 

If their house is truly a danger to them and their health (especially if there are vermin) maybe adult protective services could step in. I know they don't want to leave their home or change it, but if it is dangerous to them, then it isn't a choice any longer. It is a necessity. Or you could call the county Health Department. Due to dementia, your parents amy not appreciate your efforts, but you can't let them live in filth and vermin. Good luck. I know that working with people with dementia can be a VERY uphill battle! 

  

Steph 

 
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February 1, 2006, 8:51 am PST

Lived it!

Quote From: mvngfwd

My sister and I have been embarrassed for most of our lives about our parent's in ability to use a trashcan.  The junk in my parent's house has reached the point to where you ablsolutely can not move or even find a place to sit.  I recently went to their house to try and help them move forward and at least get the house to where possum will not be running around in the attic and falling through the ceiling.  There were numerous bags of beercans which they had collected for years thinking they were worth money, I threw them out onto the trashpile that was surprizingly large considdering but my mother would take them off with a degree of violence that was just disturbing.  Her dementia has become extreemly bad over the past few years and I realize that as my parents age, they will not be able to help their situation only to fall into financial ruin in a pile of junk garnished with vermin.  When they tell me that something has sentimental value I try to get them to treat it as though it realy does mean something, but htey just don't get it.  altough they say they want to move forward and create a good living environment, they will not let go.  One thing they do not understand is just because something was good once upon a time,  it is not good after it sits in the back yard and deteriorates and rusts.  There aren't enogh words to describe how bad their house has become but it is worse than any house I have seen on any "hoarding" tv show.  I guess they would feel as uncomfortable in a clean environment is I do in theirs but as they age, it has become a danger to them.  The thing is, as much as the hoarding is a problem they also have the problem of extreem laziness.  The only thing they are proactive on is blame, and we all know how effective blame can be!  After being told for years that the condition of the house was my fault, I moved far enough away to where they could not hold me responsible.  What I find simply amazing is the list of excuses they have come up  with since then.  I know that it is wrong to try to "fix" the situation as it will only pile up again after I clean it up but I can not ignore it either. 
    Hey! I just wanted to say that when I was reading this...I thought that my sister had typed all that stuff becuase you are tellin' my story ( vermin included ). Everything but the beer cans and dementia I can relate to. I will put my story on here and you can read it. Heather77
 
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June 17, 2006, 10:08 pm PDT

Throw it ou

Quote From: mvngfwd

My sister and I have been embarrassed for most of our lives about our parent's in ability to use a trashcan.  The junk in my parent's house has reached the point to where you ablsolutely can not move or even find a place to sit.  I recently went to their house to try and help them move forward and at least get the house to where possum will not be running around in the attic and falling through the ceiling.  There were numerous bags of beercans which they had collected for years thinking they were worth money, I threw them out onto the trashpile that was surprizingly large considdering but my mother would take them off with a degree of violence that was just disturbing.  Her dementia has become extreemly bad over the past few years and I realize that as my parents age, they will not be able to help their situation only to fall into financial ruin in a pile of junk garnished with vermin.  When they tell me that something has sentimental value I try to get them to treat it as though it realy does mean something, but htey just don't get it.  altough they say they want to move forward and create a good living environment, they will not let go.  One thing they do not understand is just because something was good once upon a time,  it is not good after it sits in the back yard and deteriorates and rusts.  There aren't enogh words to describe how bad their house has become but it is worse than any house I have seen on any "hoarding" tv show.  I guess they would feel as uncomfortable in a clean environment is I do in theirs but as they age, it has become a danger to them.  The thing is, as much as the hoarding is a problem they also have the problem of extreem laziness.  The only thing they are proactive on is blame, and we all know how effective blame can be!  After being told for years that the condition of the house was my fault, I moved far enough away to where they could not hold me responsible.  What I find simply amazing is the list of excuses they have come up  with since then.  I know that it is wrong to try to "fix" the situation as it will only pile up again after I clean it up but I can not ignore it either. 
My in laws are the same way and are in their 70's.  I am always afraid they wont be able to get out of the house if it catches fire or medics won't be able to get to them to help them in a medical emergency. My father in law just had open heart surgery so we want to make sure he's in a safe environment.  My husband finally told them what we were doing.  We're going to put a smaller house on the property (they own 5 acres) and move to it..we'll clean the house out and renovate it and live in it and make the mortgage payments.  They've always helped us so we want to help them.  His mom is very mixed on it...I thinks he's afraid of the change but also is happy we're taking over and dealing with it.  She will once again get to have people in. We're going to monitor the new house too...they should be comfortable and have less work to deal with so we hope it works out and makes their lives less stressful.
 


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