Replies to 'Teens and Sex'

Just because he bought the computer with his own money doesn't mean he should have free reign of the internet. You are 100% right to be concerned that his porn habit could lead to him disrespecting women and feeling that sex is no big deal. He is only 15, of course he is going to deny that he has a problem!! But you are the mother, you must take this matter very seriously and contact a therepist for him and tell that person the whole story, including the underwear incidents. The underwear wearing, soiling, and hiding in itself is a complicated issue that he needs professional help for. If you don't make him go to see a professional, you are denying him the opportunity to become a healthy and well adjusted adult. He isn't going to want to go, but its up to you to make that non-negotiable. You've got to get tough.

I just wanted to say that even though your son bought this computer with his own money, it is still used in your house, and being that he is a minor, you have the right to view his history, and monitor his use.  Ok maybe when he is 18 and still living at home then you don't have the right. But thier is so much that can go on with kids and computers, as a parent you should be aware of what sites he goes on.  I would imagine the computer is in his bedroom?  It should be put somewhere where he can't close the door.  Even put a nanny on the computer and make it so he can't go on porn web sites. And yes have your daughter lock her door to keep him away from the underwear.

Wow there.  Something is terribly wrong.  This kind of behavior cannot be tolerated, the very first thing that I would do if I were a parent is not only strip the child of his TV, but of his computer, game systems, and all other forms of entertainment except for the educational kind.  Make sure that they still do have something to do that is fun, but that encourages values rather than is just entertaining.   Try sitting down a couple of times a week to play a family board game or something....let him choose the game so that it will be entertaining for both you, your family, and him.  If he says that he does not feel like doing it then encourage him to do something else that  promotes morals....just spending more time than usual with him....maybe going to a theme park with the family or a town fair.  A physician is not always the answer....you should try to change the environment around the person before trying to get a "quick fix".  Try having him read the book Seven Habits For Highly Effective Teens- or play a radio station that has people that give advice out to others on while he is around.

 After loosing trust in him he will have to gain it back slowly with you.  You should clean out his room of everything so as there is no spot where he can hide things, when he shows you that he has made progress and is changing his ways then you slowly give him back the things that he enjoys....but you make things like the TV and Computer last.....when he does get things back, just to make sure he does not do anything to get back into his bad habits make sure that they have strict filters on them so that inappropriate  things cannot be accessed.

To start out I would do what I said above.....if your child says he hates you, you should reply to him that what you have done is not permanent and that if he changes his ways you will let him have things back.  Let him know that because he cannot help himself you have chosen to help him....whether he wants the help or not...as he is  hurting not only himself-but the people around him as well. 

Another thing, behavior like this-if not properly tackled could pose serious problems in the future.  You could see your child become something that no parent in their right mind would want to see their own become.  Like I said...the problem should not be handled by taking him to the doctor or something...you should treat the problem at home by changing the environment around him, and changing the way you treat him.  Respect of others and trust should be a given....but in this case he will have to earn it and when he gives it to the people around him....he will get it back.

Hello,

 

Even though this such an old post, I thought I should still say my opinion for anyone who's reading.

 

In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with him watching porn. I'm 15 myself, and I started watching porn very early (like 11.) [Of course my mom doesn't know I watch]. I think I entered puberty too early, sense I got my period when I was 9 (I think girls start puberty when they get their period, don't mind me if  I'm wrong). Being completely honest with you, I'm very reserved, respect people equally, and have my beliefs very clear in my head. I'm not interested in sex right now, nor do I plan on having sex in the next few years. Maybe in some good 5-8 years I will consider. I like to think I'm more mature than more teens my age (as you can see by my grammar) and I know that having sex is not good at this period of my life. Just in case it's important, my mom never gave me 'the talk.' I've learned all I know about sex by myself, reading books and some reliable medical sources on the internet. Of course, some common sense helps too. The point of this long paragraph is that porn doesn't make you disrespect anything or doesn't make you evil, in my opinion.   

 

About your son wearing girl's underwear. I've (obviouly) never met someone like this, but I don't think it's a big issue. Even though it's a different kind of situation, I can relate to your son. Even though I watch porn, I have to interest what-so-ever in trying out sex. Even though I like to watch both straight and gay porn (men only), I don't consider myself bisexual. The point is, don't think that because he likes girls' underwear that he's a pervert of any sort. By the way, I don't consider being gay to be a perversion. Just in case that was important to clear out.

 

That's all I have to say for you. This is an old post, so an update of your situation would really be appreciated. I spend 45 minutes trying to find your original post, until I discovered that clicking on your username will drag me directly to it.

 

I wish the best of luck for you and your son.

Best wishes,

Nataly from Canada.