Replies to 'Staying Sick or Exaggerating for the Payoff?'

Hello my name is Emily and i am 30 yrs old with 3 children.  I am writing about my mother and hoping to get some advice on her situation and how to cope with it. 

All my life my mother has been sick with "something" Her illnesses always seem to coincide with a big event happening with someone else or to someone else that she knows.  I have been told this has been going on since before i was born, but my first memory of it is when i was  11 years old. My mother sat me down and told me she was dying of cancer. From then on my world was turned upside down every time she had a "relapse" of some sort.. I do remember going to dr appointments with her many times and to the hospital for tests alot.  My mother is a sick woman, she DOES have some medical problems. I have been in and out of hospitals and emergency rooms with her for years. But i believe she may be causing her symptoms to be worse by adjusting her medications etc.  She is on blood thinners for her heart, but she only takes them when she wants, or she takes too much, or i caught her last month buying 2 VERY large bottles of aspirin which you cannot mix with blood thinners.  This has caused her to have many other medical problems.  She will never allow anyone to go to her dr appts with her and if we do go with her, we are not alowed to go into the room to hear what is being said.   

I have even started keepign records of every time she tells me of a new illness she has.  It seems about every week to 2 weeks she has a new medical problem.  She has lost so many friends because of this and so have i.  I believed so much of her illnesses for so long that i would become angry with anyone who questioned them.  But it has seriously affected my life as well.  When i got married, she told everyone that helped with my wedding planning that she was dying and might not make it to my wedding.  The whole wedding became about her and how sick she was.  On my wedding day instead of people comign up to me and my husbnad to congratulate us, they would ask what the prognosis was for my mother. That was 7 years ago and she is still here.  During the birth of my last child, my mother attended  as she always does, but she had a friend  come along to help care for HER.  while i was layign in bed breathing through a painful contraction, the woman came over to me and whispered in my ear, "dont worry, im takign good care of your mom, she will be okay."  I was stunned because i didnt know there was anything worng with her!  And of course there really wasnt. And a beautiful event that was supposed to be about me my husband and my baby, became about her.  These are just a couple of examples of many instances.  She also lies a great deal about very trivial things and seems to almost believe her own lies. It could be somethign so simple but she will continue to lie even when she has been caught and confronted.   

The main problem is, shes my mom and i love her.  I have my own problems and issues and my therapist told me at one point that my mother has caused many of my issues and that i shoud stay away from her as she is bad for me and brings me down and the way she treats me is unhealthy.  But i cant, i love her and i am an only child and i feel i need her.  I have 3 children who adore her, but my 7 yr old is starting to notice that grandma  always has something wrong with her and my 2 yr old pretends to lean over and hold him stomach, fake coughs sometimes and mimics her behaviors.  SHe thinks its cute.  It scares me.  But again, she is all i have.  And i am not a perfect but i wouldnt want anyone to abandon me because of my faults.  I want to address this with her, but she gets very angry. if i act like i dont care about her ilnesses she gets angry and verbally abusive.  I am basically scared of her and scared that she will disown me, (which she does from time to time).  So i do my best to keep on her good side. I like going over and having dinner with my parents and taking the kids over to see them, i dont want to lose that.  But i want to go through a month without a BIG sickness or hospital visit. 

Im sorry this is so long, this is the first time ive said this to anyone but my husband.  If there is anyone with any thoughts, or help, or know of any support groups for family members with this type of situation that would be a huge help to me. 

thank you so much for listening, 

emily