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Replies to 'How I Got Help'
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August 14, 2005, 11:50 am PDT
 Quote From: labelfree I have decided I think I need some professional help so more professional help on my childhood abuse issues. Whether that is going away in somewhere and obtaining it or seeking it weekly I am not sure yet.
I have also made up last night with my HUSBAND. You know its coming up on a year anniversary of my Father's death and its weird but just now a year later I am starting to feel safe like okay now your really dead...to feel all the anger he put me...my siblings threw...Does that sound twisted? What about your Dad if you don't mind me asking? I am sorry maybe you actually told me but let the truth be told sweetie I have been actually SUCKED into this trance state not like time for a phychward trance I am living breathing functioning dreaming...etc...Doing my duties in life taking care of my sweet babies my sweet step son and all I come into contact with but let the truth be known When no one is looking I cry...
I'm crying now as I am tying...I cry when I'm in a bathroom stall when My husband is trying to be nice and takes me out to dinner.. This purging process of childhood abuse came out like a fierce venomous attack on the people closet's to me and in all fairness although my husband knew about my childhood issues he is in noway capable of emotionally physiologically spirituality able to handle the demons. Its not fair to him. Our marriage..My children or my step son. Actually its NOT FAIR TO ME THE ORIGINAL PERSON IT HAPPENED TOO.
I geuss what I am saying to you KID and I mean that ahhh so lovingly is that we all have problems me,.... you....your MOM......Maybe instead of just sitting there and letting her go BLAH BLAH BLAH share this site with her...
Let her talk to me too because we are the same age...
Tell her I said she is being unfair to you....Let her curse me out here...Believe me I CAN TAKE IT... Then we all three of us can be friends... Look at your life like a jig saw puzzle....Your parents put a peice down....Your childhood add another...Some little kid times....another peice...Pretty soon youll start to see the BIG PICTURE OF YOUR LIFE,,,,,,Its NOT A BAD LIFE....LIFE IS SUPPOSE TO BE HAPPY....LETS GET HAPPY!
I'm glad that you're going to get more help, because you SO deserve to get better. I hope you won't have to go away, because I'll miss you, but whatever you decide is best I'll support you five hundred percent (and if there's no computer, I can always snail-mail you if you want). I don't think it's twisted at all how you feel about your dad. I think with anyone who hurt you a death is always more emotional in a confusing way b/c grief is complicated by relief, and also maybe guilt when what you were secretly wishing so many years ago (that he would go away somehow) actually happens. I know I wish all the time my father would die, but if he did I think I would feel guilty. I'm sorry you're going through this overwhelming time, and I'll help you any way I can. It's good that you made up with your husband b/c now he's not a source of stress anymore but support; even if he can't deal with everything he can still love you. It's okay if you ask about my father, but I don't want to lay it on you right now: you have so much to think about already, and this time should be about you helping you....keep writing me, I care about you you know. |
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