Message Boards
Replies to 'Abuse'
|
February 7, 2006, 10:34 am PST
 Quote From: diamond05 The reason I included the text above is so that I don't have to retype it. I was surprised to find someone else that feels and is having the exact same issues I am. I have been married for 11 years though. the man I'm married to can be a fun and loving person but I just can't take it anymore. We haven't "been together" for over a year now and it is taking it's toll on me. Heck, I'm thinking an affair would make things better at least for me. At least I would feel like a person again and not just a shell of a person as was stated above. At least I would feel like something other than a mom. I love and would not trade my kids for anything but how much more of this can I take. When he talks he yells at me. About everything single thing. If I ask a question he won't answer - so I ask again. Then I get yelled at and told to shut up. Or...shut the *&@#$ up. That just makes me feel great. "leave me alone" is the famous motto with him. Every single time I ask a question, ask how he is, ask anything....it's leave me alone. However, we do make appearances well. I mean, we look like a happy functioning family when we are together and I'm really done with that pretend scenario.
I am so tired of feeling like a worthless person. That is how he makes me feel ...and for not having sex in over a year I swear I have become a virgin again. He hasn't even kissed me really...at all. He swears he has never had an affair or isn't having one. Then he spouts off stuff from the bible and he wold never do that. Making love is not something you just do he says....bull at this point is what I say.
So not only is it the mental abuse - he yells at me for stuff that has happened years ago and I mean years ago. Every single thing is always my fault. When in fact...alto is his. He will NOT go to therapy. If he knew I was typing this here he would have a fit. He does not believe in Doctors helping others and he doesn't believe in medicines to help with his moods. He puts me down and then says I'm just like my sister ( who is bipolar) whom he has no empathy for at all. It's mean and maddening and I'm so stressed, sad and tired. Like I said, an affair would take me away from this hell. No I don't' want a divorce...I can't for the kids. OK I know - they are suffering too..but I cover that up well I think. I can't do a divorce. That would take every single thing out of me. I just can't do anything anymore and I'm tired. has anyone been through this. I pray every night to be shown what I did to deserve this life. I am a giving person and do anything for anyone...but I'm treated like crap continuously and am so tired of it. put down after put down is all I get. He cannot see the abuse he is doing to me and then once in a blue moon he'll apologize. But at that point the damage is done. He can be to nicest person but then the most mean hateful person I have ever met. I am so lost.....I am so sad...I am so tired.
Why doesn't your husband want to talk to you?
Is it just certain subjects that he shuts you off?
-Wade- |
|
|
June 12, 2007, 9:01 am PDT
Quote From: diamond05 The reason I included the text above is so that I don't have to retype it. I was surprised to find someone else that feels and is having the exact same issues I am. I have been married for 11 years though. the man I'm married to can be a fun and loving person but I just can't take it anymore. We haven't "been together" for over a year now and it is taking it's toll on me. Heck, I'm thinking an affair would make things better at least for me. At least I would feel like a person again and not just a shell of a person as was stated above. At least I would feel like something other than a mom. I love and would not trade my kids for anything but how much more of this can I take. When he talks he yells at me. About everything single thing. If I ask a question he won't answer - so I ask again. Then I get yelled at and told to shut up. Or...shut the *&@#$ up. That just makes me feel great. "leave me alone" is the famous motto with him. Every single time I ask a question, ask how he is, ask anything....it's leave me alone. However, we do make appearances well. I mean, we look like a happy functioning family when we are together and I'm really done with that pretend scenario.
I am so tired of feeling like a worthless person. That is how he makes me feel ...and for not having sex in over a year I swear I have become a virgin again. He hasn't even kissed me really...at all. He swears he has never had an affair or isn't having one. Then he spouts off stuff from the bible and he wold never do that. Making love is not something you just do he says....bull at this point is what I say.
So not only is it the mental abuse - he yells at me for stuff that has happened years ago and I mean years ago. Every single thing is always my fault. When in fact...alto is his. He will NOT go to therapy. If he knew I was typing this here he would have a fit. He does not believe in Doctors helping others and he doesn't believe in medicines to help with his moods. He puts me down and then says I'm just like my sister ( who is bipolar) whom he has no empathy for at all. It's mean and maddening and I'm so stressed, sad and tired. Like I said, an affair would take me away from this hell. No I don't' want a divorce...I can't for the kids. OK I know - they are suffering too..but I cover that up well I think. I can't do a divorce. That would take every single thing out of me. I just can't do anything anymore and I'm tired. has anyone been through this. I pray every night to be shown what I did to deserve this life. I am a giving person and do anything for anyone...but I'm treated like crap continuously and am so tired of it. put down after put down is all I get. He cannot see the abuse he is doing to me and then once in a blue moon he'll apologize. But at that point the damage is done. He can be to nicest person but then the most mean hateful person I have ever met. I am so lost.....I am so sad...I am so tired.
My husband keeps saying the same things to me. He calls me names. We aggreed that I would stay home and watch our kids but now he says I do nothing all day but lay around the house. That is totally false. He says I am like certain members of my family. He compares me to them. He even belittles me in front of our friends, his friends, and our children. I have one good friend that I talk to and she agrees that it isnt right what he does. He says that I am crazy and need to be on medication. He is the one that has the problem. He drinks to the point that he gets sick. I am told that I am the reason that we are where we are today. I have thought about leaving him and doing it on my own but my children need their father. HE has hit me, told me he would kill me and yet I stay. I told him I wanted a divorce He told me I was free to go but the kids were to stay with him. I told him no. I feel trapped and depressed. I am not the person that I was 12 yrs ago. I have been made to feel worthless. My family and friends have told me to leave him. I want to but am afraid that if i did I dont know what he might do. I do believe I am crazy because I have stayed in this relationship for so long. He tells people that we haven't had sex. I dont want to do it with a guy that calls me a fat lazy slob and smells like alcohol. He Thinks that I should do it no matter what he calls me or says. He calls me a liar even when I tell him things he has done or said. . He tries to get close and I push him away because quite frankly he disqusts me. He has told me that if he didnt get it at home he would go elsewhere. I told him go. but when you find that someone dont come home. When we were first married he cheated on my on more than one occasion. I believed the lies he told me because I was young and nieve. I should have left him our first year of marriage but I was young and he said the right things. I also would not have had my beautiful children I know I am not making much sense. SOrry to be ranting. I think he might be cheating on me but I dont have proof. At this point, I dont care. I hope he finds someone so he will leave me alone. After our 2nd was born he told me that he did not love me and the only reason that he stays with me is because he did not want to pay child support. I feel the same way now. I do not love him either. I have thought about seeing a lawyer but I fear that If I did that he would either do something to me or take one of my children and leave the state. I moved closer to my family so I may be able to leave him but that would mean i have to admit failure. I was raised by a single mom and I am afraid of being one. Even though there have been times in this marriage that I have felt as such. I hope I am making sense. |
|
|
July 31, 2007, 2:20 pm PDT
Quote From: diamond05 The reason I included the text above is so that I don't have to retype it. I was surprised to find someone else that feels and is having the exact same issues I am. I have been married for 11 years though. the man I'm married to can be a fun and loving person but I just can't take it anymore. We haven't "been together" for over a year now and it is taking it's toll on me. Heck, I'm thinking an affair would make things better at least for me. At least I would feel like a person again and not just a shell of a person as was stated above. At least I would feel like something other than a mom. I love and would not trade my kids for anything but how much more of this can I take. When he talks he yells at me. About everything single thing. If I ask a question he won't answer - so I ask again. Then I get yelled at and told to shut up. Or...shut the *&@#$ up. That just makes me feel great. "leave me alone" is the famous motto with him. Every single time I ask a question, ask how he is, ask anything....it's leave me alone. However, we do make appearances well. I mean, we look like a happy functioning family when we are together and I'm really done with that pretend scenario.
I am so tired of feeling like a worthless person. That is how he makes me feel ...and for not having sex in over a year I swear I have become a virgin again. He hasn't even kissed me really...at all. He swears he has never had an affair or isn't having one. Then he spouts off stuff from the bible and he wold never do that. Making love is not something you just do he says....bull at this point is what I say.
So not only is it the mental abuse - he yells at me for stuff that has happened years ago and I mean years ago. Every single thing is always my fault. When in fact...alto is his. He will NOT go to therapy. If he knew I was typing this here he would have a fit. He does not believe in Doctors helping others and he doesn't believe in medicines to help with his moods. He puts me down and then says I'm just like my sister ( who is bipolar) whom he has no empathy for at all. It's mean and maddening and I'm so stressed, sad and tired. Like I said, an affair would take me away from this hell. No I don't' want a divorce...I can't for the kids. OK I know - they are suffering too..but I cover that up well I think. I can't do a divorce. That would take every single thing out of me. I just can't do anything anymore and I'm tired. has anyone been through this. I pray every night to be shown what I did to deserve this life. I am a giving person and do anything for anyone...but I'm treated like crap continuously and am so tired of it. put down after put down is all I get. He cannot see the abuse he is doing to me and then once in a blue moon he'll apologize. But at that point the damage is done. He can be to nicest person but then the most mean hateful person I have ever met. I am so lost.....I am so sad...I am so tired.
Hi. I am new to these message boards and can relate to everyone in some way so far. I don't know what to do. I read what you guys are saying and i feel the same but at the same time i am saying to myself "we don't have such a major problem - there is no need for me to post anything". Myheart goes out to you all. There is a need. I've been with my husband for twelve years and married for 7. We've had 3 kids but only two now as our first one died. We've had a huge problem for years and I actually feel embarrassed to say that it was before the marriage but i believed that he couldn't treat his wife the way he was treating me so it would be fine. It wasn't. Then i fell pregnant by accident and he died - then all other problems just took a back seat and i had to fill my arms. Anyway, my husband doesn't talk to me ...... at all. If i ask him a simple question like "do you want coffee" i get nothing back and after asking a few times i sometimes get a shrug of the shoulders. I 've tried being nice, ignoring him back, not being so nice, doing my own thing, going for counselling, you name it, but nothing helps. If he leaves he doesn't say where he is going or how long he will be. I don't know if i'm supposed to go with him if he goes out and sometimes i get ready just to hear that he's leaving without me. He's never hit me but has pushed me once or twice although that doesn't worry me as i don't believe he would get physical. We don't fight so he can't get too heated up. I used to smoke but had to stop for him, and when i started again he kicked me out. Ok that was years ago, but things have been going so bad lately that i've sort of started again but am so scared of him catching me. Why should i be? He has never complimented me. The only times he's said anything to me about me it's been degrading. I'm too white, too fat, too many spots, a whore like my mom. This only happens usually though when he's had some drinks which is most nights now. In the last year we've had one or two talks about divorce / separation and the first thing he asks me is if he can go f*+* someone else then if we're not divorced yet? I don't believe that he would do such a thing but the fact that he actually asks me that hurts. Then he tells me that he doesn't have to work too hard to get someone from work into bed. He says he just wants to go do it. Ok, we don't have much of a sex life, but he NEVER instigates. In fact sometimes i try but he pushes me away. I have to work REALLY hard to get him to become sexual. We don't hug or kiss. He walks ahead of me if we go somewhere. If we go out to dinner he doesn't even face me. If i need to ask something i have to sms or email him and i sometimes get a response. My 4 year old notices all this now and keeps telling me that daddy doesn't love me but he does. I feel like i have nothing left to give. Although he will disagree i feel like i have tried so hard and had over ten years of silence. Sometimes i sit and think - my husband ignores me - TOTALLY. how can i let someone treat me like that? I have recently gone onto antidepressants but am just getting more depressed. I want to cry most of the time and i have no energy or hope for the future, and i just can't concentrate or work. I'm self employed and am trying so hard to earn money as he says i don't earn enough. I must at least pay for certain things. But i'm really trying, as well as looking after kids and looking after him. Although i'm working, i don't have the energy to do the admin properly so it is all falling apart. I feel absolutely useless. I feel ugly. Not needed or cared for. unloved. Very lonely. What i also hate is that if another guy is just nice to me and suddenly become desperately attracted to him. I have no desire for sexual relations but just to have some love. I could go on forever and have just touched the surface but what do we do in such situations. Where do we turn? All my friends are his. I don't have money to go to a counsellor right now. I am not financially stable enough to look after myself and two kids. I am stuck in a hole and there's nothing for me to grab onto to pull myself out! |
|
Return to the Message Board
