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Replies to 'Pornography'
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February 7, 2006, 12:02 pm PST
 Quote From: spots29 hi, everyone, new to the board. i will try to get this right. i have been married for 7 years and been with my husband 11 years and have a 5 year old daughter. when i met my husband he used to go to strip bars with his friends and watch porn all the time, but after we moved in together he basically stopped going out to the strip clubs or would ask my permission and would respect it if i said no. but my husband has a unbelievable collection of porn tapes i would say about 500 or so and he has it on the computer too. he can not sit down at a computer with out looking at it. but i am having great difficulty with the mastubation part. he does it all the time, at night, when i am at work, then i catch him. I have asked him why, and said he is sorry it hurts me but it should not. it hurts me and belittles me to no point. he says he can't stop and i should not be upset. but i can't do this any more. i am not against porn, but i do belive if a man is going to watch it, it should be with his wife and sex between the both of us is great on both ends he says. but he also says he is very sexually driven and if he is horny he should be able to pleasure himself anytime. i need some advice, please help? ready to wash my hands of this awfull cheating habit. am i worng should i be more understandable? spots29 isn't that all that matters? You don't need me or anyone to tell you to be okay with this or to not be okay with this. |
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February 7, 2006, 12:11 pm PST
Quote From: spots29 hi, everyone, new to the board. i will try to get this right. i have been married for 7 years and been with my husband 11 years and have a 5 year old daughter. when i met my husband he used to go to strip bars with his friends and watch porn all the time, but after we moved in together he basically stopped going out to the strip clubs or would ask my permission and would respect it if i said no. but my husband has a unbelievable collection of porn tapes i would say about 500 or so and he has it on the computer too. he can not sit down at a computer with out looking at it. but i am having great difficulty with the mastubation part. he does it all the time, at night, when i am at work, then i catch him. I have asked him why, and said he is sorry it hurts me but it should not. it hurts me and belittles me to no point. he says he can't stop and i should not be upset. but i can't do this any more. i am not against porn, but i do belive if a man is going to watch it, it should be with his wife and sex between the both of us is great on both ends he says. but he also says he is very sexually driven and if he is horny he should be able to pleasure himself anytime. i need some advice, please help? ready to wash my hands of this awfull cheating habit. am i worng should i be more understandable? spots29 He's openly admitting that he can't stop? how much more evidence do you need? He's got a problem....one of the fastest growing problems out here today. I really don't think you need anyone to tell you that you are "normal" for feeling like you do. He's seeking sexual things outside your marriage. It would be different if he were saying that he isn't getting the sex he requires...this way you two could work together for answers. But he's plainly telling you that he really can't stop...nor wants to.
Really the ball is in your court. Sad to say, but you have some decisions to make for yourself. And that won't be easy. He's making a choice, the only you can do is ask him if he's addicted and wants help to get clean from this...if that answer is yes....then go to web sites for addiction....the first would be SAA. Get some help there. If he says no....then you could start to baby sit him or become his mother and see how far that gets you. (Being silly there, ha ha).....if he wants to continue with this, very often a person like this won't stop until there are consequences to their behavior.
One clear thing I would do, considering you do have a daughter and you also have a "RIGHT" to stand up for what you believe....I would toss out, burn, destroy, and totally rid MY house of the DVD's completely. This way you are making a stand, that yes, he has a choice to make, but so do you. And your choice is to live in a home free from this filth. What he brings into his mind is his business, but what he brings into your home is your business.
I would also talk to him about the facts behind porn. Research this yourself. I would ask him point blank how he would feel answering to your daughter should the day come where she happens upon this. It does happen. I would also ask him how he feels being married AND raising a daughter, that all these women in porn are usually abused daughters of someone....they do have lives and this is just one form of degrading women. It's demeaning and self hatred that the young women put themselves through this......would he endorse this if this were his daughter????
You have a long road....but look at it this way....you can become co-dependant, or an enabler of his habits...OR you can use your options to plan on taking this into your rightful hands. This IS about your life too and your marriage. So stand up and be counted on this! Your feelings should matter and he should consider this......
AND please.....don't you think it is time HE were the one being more understandable with this???? It's time HE grew up and started having some self control. He is a man, not a boy. You are perfectly normal!!!!!
Luv~ Welcome, post often and good luck. Let us know what he says..... |
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October 17, 2006, 2:27 pm PDT
Quote From: spots29 hi, everyone, new to the board. i will try to get this right. i have been married for 7 years and been with my husband 11 years and have a 5 year old daughter. when i met my husband he used to go to strip bars with his friends and watch porn all the time, but after we moved in together he basically stopped going out to the strip clubs or would ask my permission and would respect it if i said no. but my husband has a unbelievable collection of porn tapes i would say about 500 or so and he has it on the computer too. he can not sit down at a computer with out looking at it. but i am having great difficulty with the mastubation part. he does it all the time, at night, when i am at work, then i catch him. I have asked him why, and said he is sorry it hurts me but it should not. it hurts me and belittles me to no point. he says he can't stop and i should not be upset. but i can't do this any more. i am not against porn, but i do belive if a man is going to watch it, it should be with his wife and sex between the both of us is great on both ends he says. but he also says he is very sexually driven and if he is horny he should be able to pleasure himself anytime. i need some advice, please help? ready to wash my hands of this awfull cheating habit. am i worng should i be more understandable? spots29 We had the same situation,we been married 5 years this coming Friday,And i thought is not bothering me at all,when my husband watching porn everynight,First I will tell you about myself I'm a filipina from philippines,grew up in the province so i have no idea whats porn is,so the first night,when i came here in united states,My husband and I ofcourse we had sex,and i was surprise because he told me he cant cum unless he watch porm movie,while we having sex,So i never say a word at all,thught its only that night,after a year over and over until i accept i guess who he is,I ASK HIM ONCE why he watch porn if i'm there naked,I'm not that bad looking i hope LOl,He is 52 and i'm 35 and yes same as you are he had hundred of hundred porn tape and DVD,every month i got in mail,sometimes i hide it until we argue,and i give up,I dont know what to think,I'm tired arguing,since that happend i dont want to have sex with him anymore,it make me sick,I want to make love to him but,everytime i ask,he put some porn dvd,make me sick,i need help to stop my husband watching porn,I dont wanna hurt him,or leave him.If you got some help please help me too,Thanks Ladyinseattle |
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