Replies to 'Depression'

My wife isn't planning on leaving me and the children, just me. The 15 y/o daughter that I mentioned my wife not wanting have everything dumped on her is from my first marriage and would stay with me in the event of a divorce. I'm sure my wife would take the 2 children we have together,  

Yes, I have sought out counseling. In fact I have been seeing a psychiatrist for about 2 1/2 yrs now and a psychologist almost as long. My wife came to a session or 2 with me. She isn't exactly the most receptive to therapy or counseling for herself but fully supports my going. Now, she has started going to her company EAP (Employee Assistant Professional) and is getting counseling just for her, which is great. But I'm afraid her personality will be a bit much for them, the obnly counseling that has a chance of getting through her non-receptive personality would be a "Reality Therapist" and a hardcore one at that. 

But even so, all the counseling in the world by the best therapists really couldn't help much. The damage has been done, Counselling won't change the medical / health, financial, career and other damage. Nothing can bring that back. Counselling will not help my medical situations, I will die from all this or from the medications I have to take for it. Counselling won't change that. We've had really bad luck with Social Security mainly because of my age and the unbelievable amount of damage for my age and because I waited until the last minute (5 years) to file. As far as the VA, well, they are trying to cover their ass right now because they should have told me and treated me 12 years ago, and to recognize it all now, they would have to recognize their derelecttions and neglect over the past 12 years. Meanwhile, I suffer everyday, and my family suffers everyday. Other resulting consequences get worse everyday. We have had to take out loans 4 times over the past 2 1/2 years to pay medical bills and not lose our house, etc. Now we have exhausted all out outside resource means so it will get real interesting from here out.  

My psychologist asked me if I had thought about suicide. Dumb question  LOL Of course I have, but 2 things come to mind. 1. Life insurance wouldn't pay on suicide, I don't think, which would cause more financial hardship then we have now, 2. You know how you'e heard people say love is being willing to die for another. That may be true, but in my case it Love is worth staying alive for. I mean Willingly going through all the physical and emotional suffering every day of my pathetic life so my wife and kids don't have to deal with my suicide. I'm willing to keep suffering so they don't suffer more. Might not make sense to anyone else, but it does to me. 

My wife loves me, I have o doubts, but she can only be expected to take so much before she reaches her breaking point with all of this.  

I've even offered to her that if I do end up getting my full VA disability instead of the partial I'm getting now, to divorce her so she can get out knowing I have the means (VA) to support myself. She got angry for me saying that but I know she has had to have thought about it.  

I'm sorry, I tend to get a little long winded, there's just so much. Aside from all this, I was pretty decent looking and weighed 145 and had a good Marine build, until 2 years ago. Medications rapidly took my up to 220 lbs and I look like a walking zombie (with a cane/wheelchair). I only wear my glasses because they hide part of my eyes.  We've tried everything we can, but almost everything has consequences that will worsen something else, so we're in sort of a multi paradox.