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August 9, 2005, 5:56 pm PDT
I agree depression, but...
Quote From: rankin9My husband and I have been married four years and we have never had sex. we did have sex 2 times before we got married. He cannot get and erection, so I got some cialis and he wont even take them. I dont know what is going on???? I have talked to him and asked him to help me out you know orally (gosh how embaressing) and he wont do anything.. He has done oral before and acted like he enjoyed it, but NOTHING now. I am sleeping on the couch now by myself and he stays in the bedroom all day long. He only talks to me about the news, but if i need to talk to him he listens and helps me out. I dont know what to do.
tia I agree that your husband may be suffering from some kind of depression: as the previous post points out he stays in his room all day, and a lack of interest in sex also may indicate this. But it is also possible that he is asexual ( someone who does not experience desire for persons of either the same or opposite sex). Whether or not this is due to something traumatic which happened in his past, anhedonia (lack of interest in previously enjoyed activities resulting from depression), or genetics is anyone's guess. But given that you have never had sex while married and not often before, unless he was depressed this entire time I don't think it can be attributed entirely to a mood disorder. In any event, you should seek professional counselling, either to find out if there was a trauma and treat it, or to find out that he is a genuine asexual, in which case you definitely have to think about how important sex is to you, and come to terms that he may never want it. Although he has done it before, it may have been because he loved you very much and wanted you to marry him. It is also possible that he is homosexual, and may not even consciously 'know' it himself. I just think that, given the duration of this problem (which would tend to indicate dysthymia rather than MDD) there is something more than neurochemistry going on here.
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