Replies to 'Coping with Stress'
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July 25, 2005, 9:33 am PDT
 I have been surfing around the new boards. I read a few of the posts here. I have got major stress in my life. What I have found is if I don't live it every day. Things are really bad then. For example. Seems like everytime I do something I like to do or go somewhere and have fun, then I have to have something bad happen. I will pay for having fun or being happy. If I stay all stressed out all the time, then things are fine. Crazy I know. But I have been paying attention to this and it happens every time. I have a day where I feel good and I am in a good mood. Boom, I will get a letter from the IRS that they are going to audit me. I take a day and play with my grandson, again, I get a phone call someone in my family has been hurt or injured. So, I have just given up enjoying my self. As long as I am in constant worry over something then things seem to stay on an even level. When I do have time to think about myself, I sit and cry. I can cry for and entire afternoon, because I am so heartbroken. Another thing that has been happening to me is post traumatic stuff. When my husband and I were first married and having children, life was less than perfect. We had a lot of struggles and had some really bad times.We came so close to being homeless a coulple of times, it wasn't funny.Bad part was we had family members going around in the background doing this to us. We had absolutely no support or help. We are fine now and the kids are all grown and gone, but I keep having flash backs. Back to that time and it is almost like being shot with a gun. It just stops me in my tracks. I get very upset all over again and it doesn't even matter any more. I just don't feel having a happy life is possible. This may not make a lot of sense to you unless you watch Dr Phil, or have read any of his books. I think you are letting past events color your present and future. You seem to be seeing the world through defensive lenses, and are stuck with the idea that all of your happiness has to be paid for with some unhappiness or stress. Have you put your thoughts, and reactions to stressful situations to the truth test? For instance, why would enjoying time with your grandson be in any way related to being audited by the IRS? And what truth is there to the idea that any time spent in happiness with your grandson will lead to something bad like a phone call about an injury in the family? What you are doing with these thoughts is paving the way to ruining time with your grandson, or at worst, unconciously arranging for unpleasantness. You both would lose if this were to happen. Dr Phil's SELF MATTERS book is an excellent guide to help you get at the root of any faulty or flawed thinking patterns, and to help you free yourself from the destructive cycle they can create. Please consider picking up a copy and reading it, it can be a life saver. Good luck to you. |
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July 27, 2005, 3:56 pm PDT
Quote From: normalita I have been surfing around the new boards. I read a few of the posts here. I have got major stress in my life. What I have found is if I don't live it every day. Things are really bad then. For example. Seems like everytime I do something I like to do or go somewhere and have fun, then I have to have something bad happen. I will pay for having fun or being happy. If I stay all stressed out all the time, then things are fine. Crazy I know. But I have been paying attention to this and it happens every time. I have a day where I feel good and I am in a good mood. Boom, I will get a letter from the IRS that they are going to audit me. I take a day and play with my grandson, again, I get a phone call someone in my family has been hurt or injured. So, I have just given up enjoying my self. As long as I am in constant worry over something then things seem to stay on an even level. When I do have time to think about myself, I sit and cry. I can cry for and entire afternoon, because I am so heartbroken. Another thing that has been happening to me is post traumatic stuff. When my husband and I were first married and having children, life was less than perfect. We had a lot of struggles and had some really bad times. We came so close to being homeless a coulple of times, it wasn't funny. Bad part was we had family members going around in the background doing this to us. We had absolutely no support or help. We are fine now and the kids are all grown and gone, but I keep having flash backs. Back to that time and it is almost like being shot with a gun. It just stops me in my tracks. I get very upset all over again and it doesn't even matter any more. I just don't feel having a happy life is possible.
Hi, I too felt like you do. That if I ever think that I deserved something, something bad would happen. In fact, I'm still dealing with my unworthiness thoughts - but not 24/7 like before.
I choose to pick up Dr. Phil's SELF MATTERS & workbook companion and read it and do it. It was the hardest thing I thought I had ever done. But it wasn't ... the hardest thing was living in the pain and heartache my past made me feel.
Self Matters helped me to understand how my thoughts and assumptions to the events that happened to me early in my life kept me reliving those events every day and that my new events were just repeats of the past.
My past is now just memories and for the first time in over 45+ years, I'm at peace mentally. Oh, I'm still dealing with my own tapes/beliefs. But now, it's different. I hear my self-defeating thoughts and instantly begin to challenge them.
I don't believe in a "HAPPY EVER AFTER". I'm comfortable and I'm more peaceful. But happy? no - I can feel happy for moments, hours, days, and maybe even a week or more. But a happy life NO.
You can even find the definition for your FLASHBACKS in that book. |
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January 18, 2006, 7:24 am PST
Quote From: normalita I have been surfing around the new boards. I read a few of the posts here. I have got major stress in my life. What I have found is if I don't live it every day. Things are really bad then. For example. Seems like everytime I do something I like to do or go somewhere and have fun, then I have to have something bad happen. I will pay for having fun or being happy. If I stay all stressed out all the time, then things are fine. Crazy I know. But I have been paying attention to this and it happens every time. I have a day where I feel good and I am in a good mood. Boom, I will get a letter from the IRS that they are going to audit me. I take a day and play with my grandson, again, I get a phone call someone in my family has been hurt or injured. So, I have just given up enjoying my self. As long as I am in constant worry over something then things seem to stay on an even level. When I do have time to think about myself, I sit and cry. I can cry for and entire afternoon, because I am so heartbroken. Another thing that has been happening to me is post traumatic stuff. When my husband and I were first married and having children, life was less than perfect. We had a lot of struggles and had some really bad times. We came so close to being homeless a coulple of times, it wasn't funny. Bad part was we had family members going around in the background doing this to us. We had absolutely no support or help. We are fine now and the kids are all grown and gone, but I keep having flash backs. Back to that time and it is almost like being shot with a gun. It just stops me in my tracks. I get very upset all over again and it doesn't even matter any more. I just don't feel having a happy life is possible.
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January 18, 2006, 8:10 am PST
Quote From: normalita I have been surfing around the new boards. I read a few of the posts here. I have got major stress in my life. What I have found is if I don't live it every day. Things are really bad then. For example. Seems like everytime I do something I like to do or go somewhere and have fun, then I have to have something bad happen. I will pay for having fun or being happy. If I stay all stressed out all the time, then things are fine. Crazy I know. But I have been paying attention to this and it happens every time. I have a day where I feel good and I am in a good mood. Boom, I will get a letter from the IRS that they are going to audit me. I take a day and play with my grandson, again, I get a phone call someone in my family has been hurt or injured. So, I have just given up enjoying my self. As long as I am in constant worry over something then things seem to stay on an even level. When I do have time to think about myself, I sit and cry. I can cry for and entire afternoon, because I am so heartbroken. Another thing that has been happening to me is post traumatic stuff. When my husband and I were first married and having children, life was less than perfect. We had a lot of struggles and had some really bad times. We came so close to being homeless a coulple of times, it wasn't funny. Bad part was we had family members going around in the background doing this to us. We had absolutely no support or help. We are fine now and the kids are all grown and gone, but I keep having flash backs. Back to that time and it is almost like being shot with a gun. It just stops me in my tracks. I get very upset all over again and it doesn't even matter any more. I just don't feel having a happy life is possible.
Hi Normalita!, Did you say you are bothered with stresssssss? Bills and kids and bills and family and bills...did I mention these might be stressful? I send you a very strong hug and tell you that you are NOT alone! BUT! There is, not a magic wand, HOPE. Why can I say this with certainty? Well...I love Dr. Phil and feel that of all the self-help motivational speakers he is number one. Caring, Kind, Actively supporting those who ask for help, rather than mouthing a lot of platitudes. Also, he is moral and that goes a long way with me, I like that he has values in a world where they have pretty much been lost. Not individually, of course, but in mainstream society anything goes nowadays. I watch Dr. Phil everyday at 4:15 ET. I miss the first fifteen minutes as I am coming home from work(I am a fellow school bus driver) but get what I can! Something that has made a huge difference in how I handle certain stresses is faith. If I am printing anything that may seem not to belong here, well, I looked for a way to email you personally but couldn't find it. So, if I have sorry and still had to say it. Perhaps it will help someone else too. Stress is part of everyday, not always big, sometimes small stuff, but there. I find that if I simply, not expect bad but count it as small and not able to control me, it suddenly has a whole different perspective. I do read the bible nearly every day. It is spiritual food, nurishment, sustaining. There is comfort, reliable advice, hope between its covers. For instance, King Solomon, a very wise man who at times had a LOT of stress wrote under inspiration, at Ecclesiastes 9:11, 'I returned to see under the sun that the swift do not have the race, nor the mighty ones the battle, nor do the wise also have the food, nor do the understanding ones also have the riches, nor do even those having knowledge have the favor; because time and unforseen occurrence befall them all.' Normalita, everyone sufferes it and no amount of gain or schooling or planning makes it obsolete in anyones life. So then, what to do? First, if I start to feel down I write a Positives list. Sounds corny maybe, however, sometimes we forget to be happy with what we have. We might acknowledge what we have but always qualifying it with a but, but,....not saying you do this, I am speaking generally. Next, pray. Pray not to have it taken away but to endure through it along with everyone else. Pray to endure with dignity intact, faith intact knowing that He has got you through this problem or that one, and will do it again so long as you ask in faith. Matthew 6:34 , here Jesus counsels us in this way, 'So, never be anxious about the next day, for the next day will have its own anxieties. Sufficient for each day is its own badness.' Before this, Jesus had been talking about the little birds of the field and the flowers and their bright colors, their own clothing. They seem insignificant yet are beautifully taken care of. Doesn't he take care of you? A husband you have been married to 30 years! What an accomplishment in this day and age! Pat yourself and him also on the back! Congratulations! Children grown, raised with hard work! Focus on the accomplishments and give thanks that you were supplied the strength to accomplish them when perhaps you didn't know you were supported so well. You are not alone. Notice this verse from Matthew 6 also, verse 27 reads, 'Who of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his life span?'. Stress takes YEARS off your life. Pray, with conviction, and let God handle what needs to be handled and what has happened, its gone. Not minimizing what your memories may be, please don't think that! Don't give them life and control. The prophet Isaiah in chapter 65: latter part of verse 17, is talking about life after Armageddon. One of the points he makes is this....'...the former things will not be called to mind, neither will they come up into the heart.' Now we work hard to get past bad memories by focusing on the future, while assured that the time is coming when all those hurts buried in our brains and hearts will be wiped away. A promise. Revelation 21: 4-5 speaks of the same time frame and says, 'And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away. And the one seated on the throne said: "Look! I am making all things new. Also. he says: "Write, because these words are faithful and true." Dr. Phile would hopefully back up the need to look forward with life. Scripture has been around, verbally and written down, for 6,000 years. It has a proven track record. I know this isn't what you generally find here but I just had to try. Hope I have said something to help someone, everyone. Maybe just a little tweak of curiosity. I will keep you in my prayers to Jehovah. Kim |
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May 10, 2006, 3:03 am PDT
Quote From: normalita I have been surfing around the new boards. I read a few of the posts here. I have got major stress in my life. What I have found is if I don't live it every day. Things are really bad then. For example. Seems like everytime I do something I like to do or go somewhere and have fun, then I have to have something bad happen. I will pay for having fun or being happy. If I stay all stressed out all the time, then things are fine. Crazy I know. But I have been paying attention to this and it happens every time. I have a day where I feel good and I am in a good mood. Boom, I will get a letter from the IRS that they are going to audit me. I take a day and play with my grandson, again, I get a phone call someone in my family has been hurt or injured. So, I have just given up enjoying my self. As long as I am in constant worry over something then things seem to stay on an even level. When I do have time to think about myself, I sit and cry. I can cry for and entire afternoon, because I am so heartbroken. Another thing that has been happening to me is post traumatic stuff. When my husband and I were first married and having children, life was less than perfect. We had a lot of struggles and had some really bad times. We came so close to being homeless a coulple of times, it wasn't funny. Bad part was we had family members going around in the background doing this to us. We had absolutely no support or help. We are fine now and the kids are all grown and gone, but I keep having flash backs. Back to that time and it is almost like being shot with a gun. It just stops me in my tracks. I get very upset all over again and it doesn't even matter any more. I just don't feel having a happy life is possible.
Hi Normalita - Madrig here. I am new to message boards. A thought struck me as I read your message: What if, for every bad thing that happens, you are being paid with a good thing - like, for example, what if, a chance to play with your grandson, is payback for that bad thing(s) that happened yesterday? Wish you well, Madrig. |
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