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February 17, 2006, 2:11 pm PST
02/17 Family Troublemakers
Quote From: joy_faithI was watching this segment of the show today and my heart went out to Marcie like no one else I have ever seen on the show. I know what it is like to be in a REALLY messed up family and be the only one with an aggressive personality and YOU are the one who is villified.
While Marcie's family focussed on her bad behaviour and words, by their silence they wanted to imply that her deeds were created in a vacuum and that the family did not contribute in any way to her anger and frustration. Her words and actions, while inappropriate, were exhibited to everyone as evidence to all the show's watchers of how horrible their daughter is and how wonderful the rest of the family is for putting up with such a "bad" person. While Dr. Phil was repremanding Marcie, I saw pain, humiliation and helplessness in her face and a savage joy and vindication on her mother's.
From a young age when my parents had frustrations in their life instead of dealing with the emotions in an appropriate manner it was easier for them to needle me (sometimes for days) until I would eventually lash out in pain. When I lashed out that created an opportunity for them to dump all of the emotional garbage they were feeling into a fight with me. At the end of that fight, all of the emotions that had been bothering them before were now lessened but I felt horrible for saying those things to them but also very helpless and confused because it was difficult to explain to them how exactly they were using me as an emotional punching bag. What intensified those feelings is that the emotional garbage that had been dumped on me was from the very people who were supposed to nurture and support me. When I tried to talk about my experience on what was happening, my parents would mention how much money they were spending on me as if that made it OK for them to dump on me.
Because I was so unhappy at what was happening, I eventually went and sought profesional help and I was able to find better ways to deal with the frustrations and emotions. It was (and still is) a long and painful process and there have been many setbacks along the way but it has been worth it. I no longer view myself as the "bad" person in my family but instead have been able to define myself as more what I have always wanted me to be. A loving, caring person.
PS - Marcie, I found that moving out of my parents sphere of influence (ie, their home) and staying financially independant was one of the best things I ever did for myself. This disturbed me too. The mother's look of vindication on her face while Dr Phil was turning to her daughter were very scary to me. I didnt like how Marcie was blamed for it all. No one is that upset in a vaccumn. I do think Marcie is driven to succeed and is under a lot of academic pressure--double major? {dental school} I dont like it too when Dr. Phil gets down on people in their early 20s, acting like they all should have great jobs and not be dependent at all on their parents. College does lead to extended dependence and he is not realistic about what it takes to live on nowadays. I believe that the parents resent the money they have given for their daughters education and she has been now made into a scapegoat. They use the money to abuse her. and like you, your parents would mention how much money they were spending, like that gave them permission to be rude. Marcie is probably holding on for the sake of her future, feeling trapped.
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