Quote From: buckleypatFirst of all, I have to say I attended this particular show as a live audience member. And I watched the original Grant and Kelly episode months earlier.  
 
It brought back thoughts to my corporate experience, the term "operational definition". If, as Dr. Phil says, everything is negotiated (including relationships), then operational definition can be a useful tool in almost any setting. It is repeatable, understandable, has a "yes" or "no" answer and, in most cases, can be agreed upon by both parties. If the terms are specific.  
 
As an engineer, Grant should understand that there are two types of data. Variable and attribute. Variable is when you have a light dimmer or sound control on the t.v. It is variably controlled gradually. Attribute data is binary -- yes or no, on or off. Did you do something or not? In a marriage, you definitely need some "bumper room". Does loading the dishwasher correctly mean all plates are facing in the same direction with all like-sized plates in graduating order? Does the furniture placed correctly mean perpendicular placement of a sofa x-inches from the wall. Exactly what does it mean to fold clothes correctly? 
 
I can SO sympathize with Kelly's struggle. After working for years in the corporate world and being told "well, that could have gone better", I always had the feeling that the boss didn't really know what he or she wanted but that they would know it when they saw it.  
 
Vague terms such as "performed correctly", "more efficient", "do it better", don't fly. It's up to the person asking for perfection to define very specifically what they expect. And more importantly, it's up to the person being asked to do the task to specifically define their constraints and resource limitations so that both can agree upon a mutual solution.  
 
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I appreciate your insightful comments, thank you.
Since you were there when we did the taping, you were present for much more
of our time with Dr. Phil than will most likely air Tuesday. Kelly and I are wagering
between us - will I come off looking like a hero, or a zero. You don't ever know how
the show will air after the production team pieces things together. We have been
keeping in touch with our friends that were at the taping also, James and Amy.
I decided a while back that perfection is in the eyes of the beholder and is also a function
of present circumstances of life. Since the first show, I have really tried to put away the
measuring calipers and white gloves - there are more important things to occupy my time.
As you point out in your post, it would take an immense amount of energy to be so controlling.