Replies to '02/21 More Wifestyles'

 
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February 18, 2006, 6:46 pm PST

Glad you were there - what are your thoughts

Quote From: buckleypat

First of all, I have to say I attended this particular show as a live audience member.  And I watched the original Grant and Kelly episode months earlier.   

  

It brought back thoughts to my corporate experience, the term "operational definition".  If, as Dr. Phil says, everything is negotiated (including relationships), then operational definition can be a useful tool in almost any setting.  It is repeatable, understandable, has a "yes" or "no" answer and, in most cases, can be agreed upon by both parties.  If the terms are specific.   

  

As an engineer, Grant should understand that there are two types of data.  Variable and attribute.  Variable is when you have a light dimmer or sound control on the t.v.   It is variably controlled gradually.  Attribute data is binary --  yes or no, on or off.  Did you do something or not?  In a marriage, you definitely need some "bumper room".   Does loading the dishwasher correctly mean all plates are facing in the same direction with all like-sized plates in graduating order?  Does the furniture placed correctly mean perpendicular placement of a sofa x-inches from the wall.   Exactly what does it mean to fold clothes correctly? 

  

I can SO sympathize with Kelly's struggle.  After working for years in the corporate world and being told "well, that could have gone better", I always had the feeling that the boss didn't really know what he or she wanted but that they would know it when they saw it.    

  

Vague terms such as "performed correctly", "more efficient", "do it better", don't fly.  It's up to the person asking for perfection to define very specifically what they expect.  And more importantly, it's up to the person being asked to do the task to specifically define their constraints and resource limitations so that both can agree upon a mutual solution.   

  

  

  

I appreciate your insightful comments, thank you. 

Since you were there when we did the taping, you were present for much more 

of our time with Dr. Phil than will most likely air Tuesday. Kelly and I are wagering 

between us - will I come off looking like a hero, or a zero. You don't ever know how 

the show will air after the production team pieces things together. We have been 

keeping in touch with our friends that were at the taping also, James and Amy. 

  

I decided a while back that perfection is in the eyes of the beholder and is also a function 

of present circumstances of life. Since the first show, I have really tried to put away the 

measuring calipers and white gloves - there are more important things to occupy my time. 

As you point out in your post, it would take an immense amount of energy to be so controlling. 

  

  

 
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February 19, 2006, 7:48 am PST

02/21 More Wifestyles

Quote From: buckleypat

First of all, I have to say I attended this particular show as a live audience member.  And I watched the original Grant and Kelly episode months earlier.   

  

It brought back thoughts to my corporate experience, the term "operational definition".  If, as Dr. Phil says, everything is negotiated (including relationships), then operational definition can be a useful tool in almost any setting.  It is repeatable, understandable, has a "yes" or "no" answer and, in most cases, can be agreed upon by both parties.  If the terms are specific.   

  

As an engineer, Grant should understand that there are two types of data.  Variable and attribute.  Variable is when you have a light dimmer or sound control on the t.v.   It is variably controlled gradually.  Attribute data is binary --  yes or no, on or off.  Did you do something or not?  In a marriage, you definitely need some "bumper room".   Does loading the dishwasher correctly mean all plates are facing in the same direction with all like-sized plates in graduating order?  Does the furniture placed correctly mean perpendicular placement of a sofa x-inches from the wall.   Exactly what does it mean to fold clothes correctly? 

  

I can SO sympathize with Kelly's struggle.  After working for years in the corporate world and being told "well, that could have gone better", I always had the feeling that the boss didn't really know what he or she wanted but that they would know it when they saw it.    

  

Vague terms such as "performed correctly", "more efficient", "do it better", don't fly.  It's up to the person asking for perfection to define very specifically what they expect.  And more importantly, it's up to the person being asked to do the task to specifically define their constraints and resource limitations so that both can agree upon a mutual solution.   

  

  

  

great viewpoint! 

  

What was it like to be in the audience? I'm going to get tickets soon so I was just curious. 

 

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worried
February 21, 2006, 2:00 pm PST

Kelly

Quote From: buckleypat

First of all, I have to say I attended this particular show as a live audience member.  And I watched the original Grant and Kelly episode months earlier.   

  

It brought back thoughts to my corporate experience, the term "operational definition".  If, as Dr. Phil says, everything is negotiated (including relationships), then operational definition can be a useful tool in almost any setting.  It is repeatable, understandable, has a "yes" or "no" answer and, in most cases, can be agreed upon by both parties.  If the terms are specific.   

  

As an engineer, Grant should understand that there are two types of data.  Variable and attribute.  Variable is when you have a light dimmer or sound control on the t.v.   It is variably controlled gradually.  Attribute data is binary --  yes or no, on or off.  Did you do something or not?  In a marriage, you definitely need some "bumper room".   Does loading the dishwasher correctly mean all plates are facing in the same direction with all like-sized plates in graduating order?  Does the furniture placed correctly mean perpendicular placement of a sofa x-inches from the wall.   Exactly what does it mean to fold clothes correctly? 

  

I can SO sympathize with Kelly's struggle.  After working for years in the corporate world and being told "well, that could have gone better", I always had the feeling that the boss didn't really know what he or she wanted but that they would know it when they saw it.    

  

Vague terms such as "performed correctly", "more efficient", "do it better", don't fly.  It's up to the person asking for perfection to define very specifically what they expect.  And more importantly, it's up to the person being asked to do the task to specifically define their constraints and resource limitations so that both can agree upon a mutual solution.   

  

  

  

Worried expression because it seem like Kelly is losing self. Meaning she is losing heself. grant has her thinking the only thing she needs to do is "BETTER" better cleaning, better cooking, better furniture placing etc. Kelly knows inher heart all she needs to do is be Kelly and Grant needs to love her for being Kelly. I feel so sorry for her and yes also for him. It is hard to believe that he just does not have a clue. Dr Phil at the end of the show said to write what I feel wife duties are. My answer: Just be yourself. Be the same person I married. Just give what you get and make choices that make you happy and i guarantee that even if i don't agree with some of them I will be happy that they are yours and that you are happy.
 
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February 22, 2006, 5:44 am PST

Business or marriage

Quote From: buckleypat

First of all, I have to say I attended this particular show as a live audience member.  And I watched the original Grant and Kelly episode months earlier.   

  

It brought back thoughts to my corporate experience, the term "operational definition".  If, as Dr. Phil says, everything is negotiated (including relationships), then operational definition can be a useful tool in almost any setting.  It is repeatable, understandable, has a "yes" or "no" answer and, in most cases, can be agreed upon by both parties.  If the terms are specific.   

  

As an engineer, Grant should understand that there are two types of data.  Variable and attribute.  Variable is when you have a light dimmer or sound control on the t.v.   It is variably controlled gradually.  Attribute data is binary --  yes or no, on or off.  Did you do something or not?  In a marriage, you definitely need some "bumper room".   Does loading the dishwasher correctly mean all plates are facing in the same direction with all like-sized plates in graduating order?  Does the furniture placed correctly mean perpendicular placement of a sofa x-inches from the wall.   Exactly what does it mean to fold clothes correctly? 

  

I can SO sympathize with Kelly's struggle.  After working for years in the corporate world and being told "well, that could have gone better", I always had the feeling that the boss didn't really know what he or she wanted but that they would know it when they saw it.    

  

Vague terms such as "performed correctly", "more efficient", "do it better", don't fly.  It's up to the person asking for perfection to define very specifically what they expect.  And more importantly, it's up to the person being asked to do the task to specifically define their constraints and resource limitations so that both can agree upon a mutual solution.   

  

  

  

This isn't a business but a marriage.  I think Kelly lacks backbone and she needs to tell Grant to take a flying leap rather than hold his hand.  Come on people let's get real.  This guy needs help
 


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