Replies to '02/21 More Wifestyles'
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February 20, 2006, 6:54 am PST
 Quote From: farfelo I suspect that Grant is getting his expectations of what a family should be like, from movie and television dramas. Those wives on TV can make immaculate homes, why not his wife? First of all, everything about a studio set is planned in advance. The director does not want anything there that distracts from telling the story -- the real purpose of the show. There will not be a pile of dirty laundry unless it sets the mood of the household or creates a necessary conflict in the script between characters. There will not be empty beer cans on the counter or cat hair on the carpet unless it tells you about the personality of a character. Secondly, the people you see in the drama are not the ones who are keeping the carpet cleaned. That's done by late-night custodial staff, and by union set dressers in between takes. The clothes are washed or dry cleaned by the costume department. Thirdly, the way the actors look, is not to their credit (well except for their bone structure and fitness). There is a whole department to do their hair and make up. And costumers follow them around to keep wrinkles out of the clothes and to brush off lint. Fourthly, they have a SCRIPT. Nearly every word they say is planned in advance. They have a DIRECTOR who tells them where to stand, what frame of mind their character is in, and who critiques the manner in which they deliver their lines. And they get MULTIPLE TAKES. So when you see the dishes pointing different ways in the dishwasher, you think "that's not what real life is like." But it IS. The dishes point the same way, ONLY IN COMMERCIALS. It's FAKE. Real life does consist of moderate chaos. Why are you insisting that your wife be FAKE? Perhaps you need more experience with what genuine people's lives are like without directors, costumers, and set dressers. Besides, if you want your wife to do 75 different things, do you realize that you would need several different departments of housekeeping staff? I wasn't sure how to react to your post when I read it the other day. You lay out a very detailed analysis and description of what goes on behind the scenes of filming and preparing something for television or cinema. I could only think of two reasons for doing so.
Do you honestly believe that your explanation of Hollywood was a shocking surprise to me, or that you were providing the missing pieces of reality that I have been unknowingly looking for? I hate to disappoint you. Star Trek is science fiction, Desperate Housewives is a very fun prime-time soap opera that airs Sunday nights, and 24, with my man Jack Bauer, is a slightly exaggerated re-enactment of real life events, and Grissom doesn't really get the DNA results back from the lab in time to solve the case before the credits role.
The other possibility is that you were taking a sarcastic jab at me, trying to do so with a little flair by trying to talk down at me. My ideas are not original; they come from hearing what other REAL LIFE people have told me about their relationships and division of household labor. It might really rock your world to learn that one of these people is my wife Kelly. After the show aired in October, a number of people shared with me that they were facing similar differences in their marriages. Some people are ok with settling for just living with it; the strife, increasing arguing and hurt feelings, but I wanted to do something about it. Taking all this to Dr. Phil was a choice I made, infrequently questioned, but haven't regretted. Let me go on a tangent for just a minute, but I think the crisis of society is partly due to the absence of the personal accountability and responsibility. In the parenting and family magazines that I read, the era of the 1950's is frequently used as a comparison to the domestic 'health' of families today. In a way, I am suggesting that if something worked then it should be used today. Technology doesn't fall into this category; I'm an engineer. Having Mom at home when the kids came home from school kept them out of trouble, doing their homework and keeping an eye on who they were associating with. Crime statistics, teen pregnancies, drop-out rates, gang violence, drug usage by teens, etc..., are indicators to me that more of the same 'laid-back or hands-free parenting' is only going to get us into more trouble. We had a hospital in town shut down a few years ago because people were not paying their bills for treatment they had received. There is another hospital up the street facing similar problems. So, where am I headed with this - let me tell you. Kids learn from their parents, and parents that do not accept their responsibilities will probably raise kids that simply rely on the government systems to further their own existence. I lived in Springfield, Mass. for several months where I witnessed generations of welfare dependant families living in government subsidized housing. I made a list of what I wife ought to be familiar with, because I thought those things were important. I have a similar list of things for husbands. Problems occur when fathers, mothers, wives and husbands aren't held accountable for their responsibilities. I don't think keeping a clean house, tending to kids, mending what needs to be mended, cooking dinner and having it ready for the family to sit down for together are wildly outside the realm of the expected. Frankly, I am a little concerned by your apparent thinking that it is unreasonable to expect these things.
I provided Dr Phil a list of things that I thought a stay at home wife ought to be familiar with. I never discussed perfection or any degree of competency with these listed items - they were just general knowledge. There are libraries of books written to contain the stuff women think their male counterparts ought to know about themselves. From your post it sounds like 75 is too much for you to handle on your own and would need back up to get the rest done - what is your number? What do you feel responsible for being aware of in your role in you present relationship? Lists aren't inherently evil or bad - it is one way of putting information down so it can be shared and discussed. |
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February 21, 2006, 10:35 am PST
Quote From: farfelo I suspect that Grant is getting his expectations of what a family should be like, from movie and television dramas. Those wives on TV can make immaculate homes, why not his wife? First of all, everything about a studio set is planned in advance. The director does not want anything there that distracts from telling the story -- the real purpose of the show. There will not be a pile of dirty laundry unless it sets the mood of the household or creates a necessary conflict in the script between characters. There will not be empty beer cans on the counter or cat hair on the carpet unless it tells you about the personality of a character. Secondly, the people you see in the drama are not the ones who are keeping the carpet cleaned. That's done by late-night custodial staff, and by union set dressers in between takes. The clothes are washed or dry cleaned by the costume department. Thirdly, the way the actors look, is not to their credit (well except for their bone structure and fitness). There is a whole department to do their hair and make up. And costumers follow them around to keep wrinkles out of the clothes and to brush off lint. Fourthly, they have a SCRIPT. Nearly every word they say is planned in advance. They have a DIRECTOR who tells them where to stand, what frame of mind their character is in, and who critiques the manner in which they deliver their lines. And they get MULTIPLE TAKES. So when you see the dishes pointing different ways in the dishwasher, you think "that's not what real life is like." But it IS. The dishes point the same way, ONLY IN COMMERCIALS. It's FAKE. Real life does consist of moderate chaos. Why are you insisting that your wife be FAKE? Perhaps you need more experience with what genuine people's lives are like without directors, costumers, and set dressers. Besides, if you want your wife to do 75 different things, do you realize that you would need several different departments of housekeeping staff? I think Grant watched too many reruns of "Father Knows Best" & "Leave it to Beaver." He seems to be looking for June Cleaver. |
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February 21, 2006, 3:35 pm PST
Quote From: farfelo I suspect that Grant is getting his expectations of what a family should be like, from movie and television dramas. Those wives on TV can make immaculate homes, why not his wife? First of all, everything about a studio set is planned in advance. The director does not want anything there that distracts from telling the story -- the real purpose of the show. There will not be a pile of dirty laundry unless it sets the mood of the household or creates a necessary conflict in the script between characters. There will not be empty beer cans on the counter or cat hair on the carpet unless it tells you about the personality of a character. Secondly, the people you see in the drama are not the ones who are keeping the carpet cleaned. That's done by late-night custodial staff, and by union set dressers in between takes. The clothes are washed or dry cleaned by the costume department. Thirdly, the way the actors look, is not to their credit (well except for their bone structure and fitness). There is a whole department to do their hair and make up. And costumers follow them around to keep wrinkles out of the clothes and to brush off lint. Fourthly, they have a SCRIPT. Nearly every word they say is planned in advance. They have a DIRECTOR who tells them where to stand, what frame of mind their character is in, and who critiques the manner in which they deliver their lines. And they get MULTIPLE TAKES. So when you see the dishes pointing different ways in the dishwasher, you think "that's not what real life is like." But it IS. The dishes point the same way, ONLY IN COMMERCIALS. It's FAKE. Real life does consist of moderate chaos. Why are you insisting that your wife be FAKE? Perhaps you need more experience with what genuine people's lives are like without directors, costumers, and set dressers. Besides, if you want your wife to do 75 different things, do you realize that you would need several different departments of housekeeping staff? I absolutely 100 percent agree with you!!! My MAN (as he prefers to boyfriend) and I were in a department store furniture section, and he says to me, "This is what I want our house to look like." I couldnt believe that he had just said that!! He is the same way as far as "everything has a place!!" Well I thought about it and said "Of course it's going to be perfect, not dusty, not messy, nothing because gueess what??, no one LIVES here!!" As soon as I watched this show today I immediately knew exactly what Kelly is going through. Just to hear, "WOW, honey the house looks great, " and NOT "Well, why didn't you get this done" would be AWESOME!!.....I wish I could get him to read this!! |
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