Quote From: conniedobeOn May 10, 2005 my 39 year old son comitted suicide. He had been incarcerated for 9 months and was depressed and the jail would not give him his antidepressant drugs or his anxiety drugs. Consequently he began to loose hope and hung himself.
I had spoken to him just 1 hour before the guards found him. I had a strange feeling, but did nothing about it.
I feel very guilty for not notifying the authorities, but my son had often "cried wolf" so many times.
I'm having a very difficult coping with my guilt and most of the loss of my first born.
Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. As someone who has worked for many years in the criminal justice system, I know how often that sort of deplorable oversight happens. The system is simply not equipped, through resources or staff, to handle the mental and emotional needs of everybody in it.
Please know, too, that you were not responsible for notifying the authorities. Hindsight is 20/20, and I'm sure you believe the signals were much clearer than in fact they were. Also, most correctional facilities have clear policies on suicide watch and prevention. It is likely that if your son had asked for help, he would at least have received monitoring to prevent him from acting on his mood.
None of this helps, I know. But please know that at least one person read your post and is pulling for you. Please be kind and patient with yourself.
