Replies to 'Overcoming Grief'

It would be very simple to start off by saying you shouldn't feel guilty but that would be more unkind than to ignore your story altogether.  Your feelings are very normal and I believe happen with most people who loose someone suddenly - especialy to suicide.  I used to help facilitate a suicide bereavement support group and sometimes people who come forward after 20 years to talk about how they felt - they had been carrying the guilt, sadness and sometimes shame for all those years. I commend you for stepping forward and reaching out.  I have no idea where you live but if there is a loccal Distress Line or Suicide Prevention Line you might want to contact them to see if they are aware of any Bereavement Support Groups for those who have lost someone to Suicide.  I found it truly heartening to watch the transformation of the participants from week to week as they were able to talk about the person they lost and all the feelings around it as well as begin the first tentative steps of healing.  Their are not guidlines for healing but in reaching out you are certainly makinig the first step.  You didn't mention you son's name but I know that he did not intend to leave you feeling the way you do.

 

Best wishes

 

Cheryl

St. Albert, Alberta

Canada

I know and understand you...... My thoughts and prayers are with you always

I fully understand what you are saying January 8th the absolute love of my love commited suicide also.  He to cried wolf many many times and often just needed me to help him through it.  On Sunday i told him I couldn't help him anymore and this is when he did it.  I feel real quilty now because I wasn't there to help him when he needed me.  I just thought it was going to be another one of those days.  I have a hard time functioning during the day and was hospitalized once already.  He was my soulmate and we were just starting to get this together.  I told him that morning that I was going to move in with him and our life was set.  I don't understand why he chose that day to do it.  I am so confused and extremely hurt I am not sure how to deal with it. 

Hi Conniedobe, 

      I am truly sorry to hear of your loss. I know about the guilt you are feeling for not being able to help your son. I just lost my brother who was 49. He also committed suicide, and we were very close. Given that fact, I still don't know why he didn't turn to me for help. I talked to him several times a day by phone and email. I saw him 2-3 times a week, so why didn't I know this was coming? We were both very depressed with reason, because we were seeing my mom going through radiation every day for 35 treatments. She also has emphysema to add to the problem. I didn't think too much about him seeming down, because I was too; who wouldn't be down when seeing their mother suffer. Bobby had many other issues to deal with, such as his 7 month old divorce, and his being out of work because of a pinched nerve in his neck, but I never thought he would do this to all of us who loved him so dearly, especially mom, who is going through so much. I can't even begin to imagine the pain that poor kid must have been in to take such a drastic measure without thinking of any of us or his 2 children who are 20 and 23. This is what makes me so sad to know how sad my baby brother was. It helps to get this out, and I want to thank all for listening. My prayers are with all of you who are feeling as I do. Thanks again! Dongy 

I am truly sorry for the loss of your son. Unfortunately you and I share something in common. My husband died May 10, 2003, and even though it's been 3.5 yrs., I'm still having a hard time dealing with his death, and trying to raise our 2 teenage girls. I do care, and now I will know that somebody else out there shares the same day, and similar pain. I say similar pain because I don't know what it's like to lose a child; but losing one's spouse is bad enough. My husband's death was also a suicide, and he was only 41.

 

Yours truly,

 

 

Laurie

Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.  As someone who has worked for many years in the criminal justice system, I know how often that sort of deplorable oversight happens.  The system is simply not equipped, through resources or staff, to handle the mental and emotional needs of everybody in it.

 

Please know, too, that you were not responsible for notifying the authorities.  Hindsight is 20/20, and I'm sure you believe the signals were much clearer than in fact they were.  Also, most correctional facilities have clear policies on suicide watch and prevention.  It is likely that if your son had asked for help, he would at least have received monitoring to prevent him from acting on his mood.

 

None of this helps, I know.  But please know that at least one person read your post and is pulling for you.  Please be kind and patient with yourself.

my step-dad shot himself on april 16, 91. that would be today. i have never really gotten over the guilt. i know now that hindsight is really 20/20. if i could go back i would, but i know i can't and if i did would i chonge things or just delay them? people say that suicide is a victimless crime, but the true victims of suicide are the ones left behind to deal with the guilt and the what ifs. you blame your self because you know you could have prevented this from happening this time. one thing i have learned is there would be a next time. would you be there then or feeling how you do now?

 

 

 

terry

I am so sorry for your loss...I lost my 24 year old son to suicide on May 19, 2006.  He suffered from bi polar.  I understand your grief.   It hurts so much.

Hugs,

Pam