Replies to '02/22 Wedding Wars'

Maybe your son has more to do with things than you think, a lot of times husbands will allow their wife to take the blame because they dont want to hurt their parents feelings when they dont want to be around them. 

Did you raise him to be easily manipulated? Look at your own actions before blaming others, maybe there is something you are doing that is causing the rift. 

You're not his primary family any more.  That's how it works when kids get married.  If anything divides your family, it sounds like it will be your refusal to accept them as independent, responsible adults. 

Obviously, I don't know what happened with your son and daughter-in-law, but from what is on the website, Kim seems like a reasonable person and Steve appears to have been raised to be a sensible man (a tribute to his parents).  We aren't totally thrilled with my sister-in-law, either, but  my brother loves her, and it's none of our business.  We're not leaving him to sink or swim on his own, of course, in the event that something should go wrong, but they're adults and they can't have their in-laws grasping at their pant-legs all the time.  I get so sick of all those horrible in-law stereotypes but then we see something like the woman on this show and I can see why things go wrong.  I don't even think she seems that bad, she just has a lot of anxiety.  However, they seem to still be able to talk to each other in a civil and rational manner so hopefully this will be worked out soon. 

I can only hope that you learn a lot from this show and perhaps your attutide towards your daughter in law will change. 

Good Luck 

I doubt you're giving your son the credit he deserves.  I hope he is the type of man who cannot be manipulated.  Is it possible you've tried to manipulate him all his life, so you naturally assume another woman would try to do the same?  If there are grandchildren now or in your future, I think it would be greatly to your advantage to make nice with your daughter-in-law.  If your son is a good husband and you make him choose, he will choose his own family over you every time.  I hope you did learn a lot from the show.  

I sincerely hope that you find some answers and can work things out w/ your DIL before it is too late.  After all, your son did choose to marry this woman because he loves her.  Nothing is more important than family; and, when they have a child you will want to be his or her grandmother, right?? 

I know my life has definitely changed since I married my husband.  I’ve even found myself wishing I’d never married my husband … which is so unfair to him because he is a wonderful husband and always has been.  Things weren’t great before we decided to marry; but once we did it got worse.  Starting w/ our wedding.  My MIL refused to give us a guest list and did her best to hamper our plans.  She even asked people to try to talk my husband out of marrying me!!  Of course they told her no.  We finally gave her some invitations and told her we would be married w/ or w/o her approval. 

Then, my husband and I tried for a very long time to conceive a child.  It took us a long time; but, thankfully, God blessed us with a beautiful little boy just 5 months ago.  I had a difficult pregnancy which was made worse by my MIL.  She attacked me constantly, twisted my words around, and tried in every way possible to keep me upset, despite the fact that I was suffering from PIH {high blood pressure}.  We even had a scare that I might be miscarrying after one incident. 

The final straw was when I found out that she was telling everyone that the baby I was carrying did not belong to her son … and she wanted to know who the “real” father was.  However, that severely backfired on her.  As much as it hurt me … and I DO NOT believe in breaking the vows that I took before God … it hurt my husband more.  He had wanted this child for a very long time; and, he did not want to be put in a position of having to choose between his wife and mother … and I wouldn’t let him choose between us, after all it was still his mother.  However, we both agreed that if she felt that way she didn’t have to be part of this child’s life.  When he confronted his mom she lied and tried to blame someone else.  Recently, the rumor was confirmed for my husband by someone whom it was said to.  Thankfully, my beautiful son looks just like his daddy … there’s no denying the father of that little cutie.

All in all, we are still in the same position of making each other miserable.  I would love more than anything to get along w/ my MIL and have her accept me; but, I don’t know how to do that.  No matter what I do, I’m wrong.  It’s simply easier just to avoid the situations.  I tell my husband to go visit; but, he won’t do that w/o me.  I love my husband very much; and, I thank God every day for him and my son.  They are my entire life.  I only hope, for my son and my husband’s sake, that one day this will all work out.  Sometimes it seems to for a while; then, I hear about things my MIL has said behind my back.  For now I’ll just keep saying my prayers.  I’ll say one for you and your family too.

I am involved with a 32 yr old man and I am 40. The problem is...his mother still holds the key and it"s driving me nuts, which is what I think she desires to begin with! I am too old for these games but I love him! How far should I go to keep his attention on us and our lives together? She doesn't like me although she hasnt taken the opportunity to get to know,  ME!!! 

I think that Dr.Phil should recommend therapy for the couple. They both need to understand that the M/L is already stepping over their boundaries. Obviously the son was never taught about making personal boundaries with a mother that has very little of them. 

Part of a mother's job is to build up their child, maturing them the best way they know how. Getting married, does not involve the M/L or anyone. It is a union between the wife and husband. As a mother, you may see challenges etc...but these two people are now adults, not children. Your son is an Adult. It is his god-given right to mature and be a husband and learn from mistakes. Marriage is not perfect and there is alot of learning in the process of becoming one. Keep your nose and opinions out of their life. It is not your right. If indeed, the wife is manipulating your son....it is not up to you to do anything about it. He is a big boy and must learn and mature. You did your part, let your son grow. Fortunately, or unfortunately, life does entail pain. Pain is part of the maturing process and you cannot stop that from happening to your son. Letting him learn and grow...and loving him through his life challenges is your role as a mother. You already had your chance of teaching him. Letting him fly out the nest  is part of life. Let him learn to fly. If he needs you, he will ask or just need your love and comfort. Love is not being judgemental and wanting your way for others. The best gift you can give your son is your unconditional love...no judgements, but being there. Your negativity will be a posion to this relationship. Pray about it and God will direct you with his wisdom.