Replies to 'Relationship Myths'

I wonder what his side of the story is.  Have you ever read the book by Dr. Laura?  The proper care and feeding of husbands.  Maybe there were some things that you overlooked during the 23 years.  Just a thought.

ok blueonblue i feel u should move on with your life u seem to be a very caring women that will find someone who will respect and love u . so let go of the 28 years and start new because like the saying goes LIFE IS TO SHORT TO PUT THINGS ON HOLD.

I just read your post and although you wrote it back in July -- I can identify with it so much!  My husband left me the 4th of August.  In the past two half months I have seen areas that I probably contributed to our relationship issues -- but I can confidently say that he has alwasy know I loved him.  He also told me that he hasn't loved me for several years -- all we have in common is the children and my faith life.  He has however, been decent in sharing with some of the running with the kids (the go to catholic school and have no buses) and giving me money to cover 1/2 tuition, child maintenance and half the cc bills (financially even with both working it has always been week to week).  Our children are 15 & 12 1/2.  I too do not want to be divorced or a single parent.  I didn't choose that for myself and I should be allowed a say.  We see each other frequently as his family as become my family (I have none of my own living here) and everything is civil..  I like you -- am keeping the doors open and prayng for a miracle! 

  

How are you doing?  Please feel free to email. gallo100358@yahoo.com 

  

  

I have a question, and no disrespect here!  But you said that your husband went golfing, etc. but without your approval!  

  

So when he went to do these things you didn't approve of him doing them? 

  

Is there the slightest possibility that he is feeling like the lead horse pulling the wagon who finally had the bit removed from his mouth? 

  

You also say he is a sloppy dresser! 

  

So you didn't approve of his clothing choices either? 

  

He has not friends! 

Was he allowed enough freedom before to have his own friends? 

  

Men don't just spend 3 weeks away from home and take off!  They usually are gone in other ways far longer than it appears! 

  

You said you never argued....so he never really told you how he felt? 

  

It seems to me he wants a clean break....that he thinks more of you as a friend than a wife! 

  

The fact that he refused going to counseling, tells me that he doesn't want anyone talking him out of his decision to go! 

  

BUT, I believe you need to take the bull by the horns and redirect your anger from him and get to some counseling on your own!  Perhaps once he knows you are going he may take that on for himself!  Then there may be a possibility of reconcilliation and I think reigniting the initial attraction you had for one another! 

  

To me I feel you both lost each other along the way! 

  

I can tell you that alot of what I am saying has been learned the hard way!  But I think your husband doesn't want to lose your friendship but neither does he want to live with the restrictions he felt by being with you!   

  

It isn't like he has a hot mama in the wings, nor a fancy red sports car.....what he has is the opportunity to make his own decisions about what he wants to do with his life...and evidently felt he never had while being with you! 

  

I am only reiterating what you wrote....now you have to determine, is there any truth to this or is he just flaking out?  The fact that he still supports you and your daughter, tells me he still cares....that he wants to share what he is doing, shows he still wants your support and friendship....that is alot more than most women get when they split with a man who just walks away for a younger woman, fancier lifestyle, etc. 

  

I say back off the anger and take a step towards yourself....and if you want him to come along, it may happen then again it may not...but you will be stronger for it! 10 weeks apart is no time at all....not compared to the 23 years you have been together... 

  

Hope I am not hurting you....because I know you are hurt....who wouldn't be! 

  

  

  

  

  

  

Go to www.midlifeclub.com and read about what your husband is going through...

I feel for you and your kids! My husband has kinda done the same to me and our children too! I don't understand how a man just quits being a father/husband because he's tired of the responsibility and all the kids aren't even raised yet. I think it's one of the most selfish things a man can do to his children and wife. I am like you in the respect that I will con't to be a mom and raise my last child on my own if that's what it takes and I don't need a man to do that. But how unfair to the child! I hope you can work things out and hope your husband either comes to his senses or gets help. If he's like my husband he doesn't need help so HE thinks. That must be a man thing that they don't want to tell their problems to a stranger. What a coward! No, he just doesn't want to have to be accountable for his share of the problems and put in any effort to fix the family. I'm frustrated and I know you must be too. I've decided to move out of town effective tomorrow and when my husband wants to work on fixing this family then he knows where we are. I have always told my husband,"Be careful what you wish for." Maybe you should tell your husband the same. Because they need to realize that they don't have the final say about how YOUR life is going to be ONLY YOU DO. Sometimes spouses find that life isn't greener and taller on the other side and want to come back and then they find out that YOU mowed the grass while they were gone and replanted new grass! I wish you and your family the best and god will make the best happen even though what we thought was the best isn't. Good luck and be strong! And remember to take care of YOU!