Replies to '02/22 Wedding Wars'

Quote From: wavdancr

it's so hard to say!  but here goes ... today it's like throwing a dart at the dartboard ... blindfolded!

my heart goes out to pat, steve and kim. it is hard to determine anyone's true *intent* by watching them on tv ...

i have one friend who also doesn't like who her daughter is dating. but, her ex is just awful! to this day he wishes my friend was dead and is sorry he's a father. his daughter has grown up watching him do whatever he can to make her and her mom's life miserable. her mom, my friend, has done a great job healing and dealing with everything ... but her daughter still hates her father and that's where my friend's concern about her dating habits comes from. so i have to admit that she's wise to be concerned ...

what if this daughter is just dating her guy to rebel against her controlling father? what if he's got a lot of issues, too, because that's all this daughter thinks she deserves in a boyfriend? 

but this isn't what i see happening here. steve seems to be a bit of a wuss (sorry, steve) who's picked pat as his fiance partly because she'll stand up to his mom for him. steve, why did you choose to come onto national tv to hash this out w/ your mom?  why not maybe meet w/ her minister (or another caring intermediary) and work things out in private?  i'm sorry if you felt that's what you had to do, but the next time some issue comes up between you, can you find that caring intermediary instead?  working through things this way seems like manipulative and shaming behavior, ... and, on air, you almost seemed to be enjoying the hard feelings between kim and your mom.  that is not good at all.

kim, why were you holding onto steve the so much time we saw you guys on tv? it looked like you were trying to physically pull him away from his mom.  ... that's part of the message communicated by that hanging on.  the other part of that is that you're saying you don't trust him and/or your relationship when you're not literally hanging onto him.  when you weren't holding onto him, you were leaning towards him.  he wasn't holding your hand, he wasn't leaning towards you ...  i understand the insecurity behind possessive behavior and  i know that no one's perfect, but none of us can find real happiness in life if we are looking for it in or from someone else. remember, you are not marrying just steve, you are marrying into his *whole family*, including his mom ... because that's just what marriage is all about.  remember, he and his mom might make peace between themselves even if you marry ... if your relationship w/ steve is based on you coming between the two of them, i guarantee you are not going to have much of a relationship when things are worked out between them. 

pat, watching our children make their own decisions is scary!  we imagine all sorts of bad things happening because of it!  empty nesting is scary! it's ok to be scared!! but you got to let him go. remember ... he will be closer to you when you let him live his own life than when you're trying to keep your hold on him.  that said, he might be making a terrible mistake and perhaps marry someone who is all wrong for him.  but if that's what he has to do in life to learn and grow, then that's what he'll have to do.  don't judge, don't try to pull him apart from her because he will just want her all the more if you do.  just keep telling him how much you love and trust him and believe in him.  good luck with this.