Replies to '02/21 More Wifestyles'

people have asked me how it is that I have a "perfect" marriage, even my step children have noticed that my husband and I never fight.  I can attribute it to one thing.  We abide by the golden rule.  For some reason people have the idea that God has given them a spouse as a challenge to change them or mold them into something else.  My husband is a gift to me and I am always grateful that I was able to marry such a good man.  

There was a  time in the beginning of our marriage when the "clean house" was an issue.  I was compared to my husband's first wife who had always had a spotless house with 5 children.  I then found out that she had maid service, then I didn't feel so bad, but for some reason people forget things like that.   

I talked to my friend about it at the time, and she remarked to me that if our kids are dressed and fed, we're doing well.  I could totally relate to that, you are only one person  and you really do have to make a choice between your sanity and a spotless house, My house was never filthy, but it wasn't spotless either.  I gave my husband a choice at that time: a clean house, or a happy wife.  He chose the happy wife. I think the only people in life who have spotless homes are either those who have help, or else they have no children and no life, or else they're a nervous wreck. 

So what is the perfect wife?  One who treats her husband as she wants to be treated. Without the expectations in return.   I always loved how my dad would tell us about Adam and Eve. Woman was not taken from man's head to rule over him, nor from his foot to be stomped on, but from his side to walk with him and help him and be a support to him. 

My husband was married before and had a horrible marriage, I am married to the same man as she was; only I have a great marriage and she didn't.   the reason is a choice on my part, he hasn't changed from who he was, He's still supportive and helpful, the difference is now he has someone who is nice to him,  who is willing to work with him. To be his support, to love him despite his maleness at times. To just pitch in with him and get the job done no matter if it's church callings, job, family, whatever the need.  being a great wife goes way beyond the kitchen and maid work. That can't be at the top of the priority list.   If the house being clean is that important, for heaven's sake hire someone to do it. 

I would say to Grant, if you don't like it do it yourself, but don't complain. Being married requires a lot of team work.  Be in a state of gratitude to your wife at all times, write her notes, bring her flowers for no reason, say thank you regularly.  Even though he might  not feel it at first just doing it will change the way he feels over time, and who knows one day he might wake up and without thinking, put his ring back on.