Replies to 'Defining Your Authentic Self'

Well, I spent another awful vacation with my mom and I received the strength to finally realized that my mom does love me, she just doesn't like me as a person.  I will never again put myself in a position where her nastiness or words will hurt me.  I was able to handle the first 3 days of her telling me to shut up, that I was so unhealthy, and I can't remember what else.  But this time, it was different because her sister (my aunt) kept telling my mom that "she wanted to hear what I had to say because it was interesting to her".    

I also took with me all sorts of notes for me to look at and it helped me realized that I was hoping to turn our relationship around and become friends.  The truth is, she doesn't like who I am and when I'm with other people, she attacks me.  In fact, this morning she attacked me when I woke up for the umpteenth time because she kept getting up and packing her suitcase while I was trying to sleep.  She knows I don't sleep well and that I'm night blind - but she wanted to leave really early and get home.  Needless-to-say, I slept about 5 hours, if that and left S.C. at 5:30 a.m. this morning and got home around 4 p.m.  I was so exhausted and if I said 50 words to her during the entire trip, she was lucky.    

But, I did a lot of thinking, working out the anger and when I finally allowed myself to say it for the first time - my mother doesn't like me as a person.  I don't think she ever did because I remember her nasty words since I was a teenager, maybe even before that.  I remember her yelling at me when I was younger that she wished I never had been born.   

I have finally acknowledged that I can't make this relationship work - I will still remain her daughter because I know she loves me and I do love her.  But neither of us like each other and that is okay.  God never said I had to like everybody.  It's been strange though, I feel that a great big weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.  She & I will still do things together but I will no longer participate in family events.   At least my friends are standing with me - telling me, give it another 2 weeks like always and things will calm down.  At least I'm no longer angry - I have accepted her dislike and now I can finally move on with my life.  

Marcia - a 52 year old woman who has finally accepted her mother.