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Replies to '06/23 "Stop Ruining Your Child!"'
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March 3, 2006, 12:27 pm PST
 Quote From: flik_tweet I dont need to see the show to understand this.
My sister is constantly telling me that she wants to take me onto the Dr. Phil show for this exact same reason. I keep telling to go ahead. We are exact opposites. She spanks, yells, and swears at her kids. She is neglectful and hypoctical. I do not critize her, but probably should more. I do not scream, yell, swear or hit my children. I have a steady routine and am consistant and very protective. She is always saying something about my *lack* of parenting. (her opinion of course)
We both live in the country. I was over to her house visisting. Both our children where 2 years of age. She wanted to send the energentic children out to play outside...unattended. When I said ok but I was going to go out with them, she proceeded to tell me how over protective I was and how she just checks on her son every few minutes. I said that a two year old just is not old enough to understnd bounderies and curiousity could too easily take over what we as adults see as logical no-no's. She then said that HER child knew and understood and it was my lack of parenting and talking with my child that made her not listen well. Also by not gining her opportuniies to have bounderies to break and get disaplined for when they do, how whould she learn how to listen about bigger stuff?
A few short months later, I was talking on the phone with her while watching both my children outside. I mentioned that my son needed a diaper change and I stepped inside to grab one, about 10 seconds of being away from them. She was quick to tell me to be carfeul about leaving my children alone outside because one day she had sent her son out to play. She checked on him every few monutes but one time he didnt answer and could not be seen. She went out to get after him for going around the house, something he did often. But he was not thereeither. A few yells later and no answer, she got started to get scared. She started to look for him and right away decided to look down the road, a place he knew better than go, and figured he probably wasnt there. To her surprise (gasp) he was nearly a quarter mile down the road, just a few steps from walking to the national forest where he would have never been seen again. Of course she spanked him good and then grounded him in the house. She does not understand why I dont want to send out daughter over to spend the night anymore. There are other things, like pretending to shoot a cat after throwing it off a bunk bed. Spanking her for dumping a bottle of shampoo on her head after leaving her unattended in a bathroom, dog poop left in my nephews room for months, and long term issues with our daughter as results of these things, when she stated herself at just 3 1/2 that she did nto oant to be left there without mom and dad.
Im pulling my hair out! And I went over there just after her second was born and spent the day cleaning half the house so that she could rest. Not once have I critized her. I try to be helpful. I mentioned that her new dog was pooping in her sons room just so that I could very gently make some awarness about it. Then she tells me it was a different dog months either that had done it. SO frusterating. And when her husband was hlaf an hour late home, he mentioned well she wasnt alone caue I was there. She told hime, I was there to clean the house cause he couldnt. Neither of them can!
I cant wait to see the episode but I am telling you, I am NOT excited to hear from my sister about how much I can learn from it.
Becky time to stop helping your sister i've been there done that and got me no were its time your sister grew up
nancy |
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March 3, 2006, 3:51 pm PST
Quote From: flik_tweet I dont need to see the show to understand this.
My sister is constantly telling me that she wants to take me onto the Dr. Phil show for this exact same reason. I keep telling to go ahead. We are exact opposites. She spanks, yells, and swears at her kids. She is neglectful and hypoctical. I do not critize her, but probably should more. I do not scream, yell, swear or hit my children. I have a steady routine and am consistant and very protective. She is always saying something about my *lack* of parenting. (her opinion of course)
We both live in the country. I was over to her house visisting. Both our children where 2 years of age. She wanted to send the energentic children out to play outside...unattended. When I said ok but I was going to go out with them, she proceeded to tell me how over protective I was and how she just checks on her son every few minutes. I said that a two year old just is not old enough to understnd bounderies and curiousity could too easily take over what we as adults see as logical no-no's. She then said that HER child knew and understood and it was my lack of parenting and talking with my child that made her not listen well. Also by not gining her opportuniies to have bounderies to break and get disaplined for when they do, how whould she learn how to listen about bigger stuff?
A few short months later, I was talking on the phone with her while watching both my children outside. I mentioned that my son needed a diaper change and I stepped inside to grab one, about 10 seconds of being away from them. She was quick to tell me to be carfeul about leaving my children alone outside because one day she had sent her son out to play. She checked on him every few monutes but one time he didnt answer and could not be seen. She went out to get after him for going around the house, something he did often. But he was not thereeither. A few yells later and no answer, she got started to get scared. She started to look for him and right away decided to look down the road, a place he knew better than go, and figured he probably wasnt there. To her surprise (gasp) he was nearly a quarter mile down the road, just a few steps from walking to the national forest where he would have never been seen again. Of course she spanked him good and then grounded him in the house. She does not understand why I dont want to send out daughter over to spend the night anymore. There are other things, like pretending to shoot a cat after throwing it off a bunk bed. Spanking her for dumping a bottle of shampoo on her head after leaving her unattended in a bathroom, dog poop left in my nephews room for months, and long term issues with our daughter as results of these things, when she stated herself at just 3 1/2 that she did nto oant to be left there without mom and dad.
Im pulling my hair out! And I went over there just after her second was born and spent the day cleaning half the house so that she could rest. Not once have I critized her. I try to be helpful. I mentioned that her new dog was pooping in her sons room just so that I could very gently make some awarness about it. Then she tells me it was a different dog months either that had done it. SO frusterating. And when her husband was hlaf an hour late home, he mentioned well she wasnt alone caue I was there. She told hime, I was there to clean the house cause he couldnt. Neither of them can!
I cant wait to see the episode but I am telling you, I am NOT excited to hear from my sister about how much I can learn from it.
Becky I am so thankful that Dr. Phil tells it like it is.... he gets right to the point... uncovers the unspoken.... and best of all comes up with strategies to deal with situations.
I admire the folks who are willing to get up on Dr. Phil's stage... expose their vulnerabilities so that we can all grow. They are willing to look at the truth... I just don't think we should be so hard of them on the message boards.
I am confident that both families will move forward... Dr. Phil will see to that... he just does not leave them hanging.... he provides them with professional help.. to ensure their success.
Deb |
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March 4, 2006, 4:31 pm PST
Quote From: flik_tweet I dont need to see the show to understand this.
My sister is constantly telling me that she wants to take me onto the Dr. Phil show for this exact same reason. I keep telling to go ahead. We are exact opposites. She spanks, yells, and swears at her kids. She is neglectful and hypoctical. I do not critize her, but probably should more. I do not scream, yell, swear or hit my children. I have a steady routine and am consistant and very protective. She is always saying something about my *lack* of parenting. (her opinion of course)
We both live in the country. I was over to her house visisting. Both our children where 2 years of age. She wanted to send the energentic children out to play outside...unattended. When I said ok but I was going to go out with them, she proceeded to tell me how over protective I was and how she just checks on her son every few minutes. I said that a two year old just is not old enough to understnd bounderies and curiousity could too easily take over what we as adults see as logical no-no's. She then said that HER child knew and understood and it was my lack of parenting and talking with my child that made her not listen well. Also by not gining her opportuniies to have bounderies to break and get disaplined for when they do, how whould she learn how to listen about bigger stuff?
A few short months later, I was talking on the phone with her while watching both my children outside. I mentioned that my son needed a diaper change and I stepped inside to grab one, about 10 seconds of being away from them. She was quick to tell me to be carfeul about leaving my children alone outside because one day she had sent her son out to play. She checked on him every few monutes but one time he didnt answer and could not be seen. She went out to get after him for going around the house, something he did often. But he was not thereeither. A few yells later and no answer, she got started to get scared. She started to look for him and right away decided to look down the road, a place he knew better than go, and figured he probably wasnt there. To her surprise (gasp) he was nearly a quarter mile down the road, just a few steps from walking to the national forest where he would have never been seen again. Of course she spanked him good and then grounded him in the house. She does not understand why I dont want to send out daughter over to spend the night anymore. There are other things, like pretending to shoot a cat after throwing it off a bunk bed. Spanking her for dumping a bottle of shampoo on her head after leaving her unattended in a bathroom, dog poop left in my nephews room for months, and long term issues with our daughter as results of these things, when she stated herself at just 3 1/2 that she did nto oant to be left there without mom and dad.
Im pulling my hair out! And I went over there just after her second was born and spent the day cleaning half the house so that she could rest. Not once have I critized her. I try to be helpful. I mentioned that her new dog was pooping in her sons room just so that I could very gently make some awarness about it. Then she tells me it was a different dog months either that had done it. SO frusterating. And when her husband was hlaf an hour late home, he mentioned well she wasnt alone caue I was there. She told hime, I was there to clean the house cause he couldnt. Neither of them can!
I cant wait to see the episode but I am telling you, I am NOT excited to hear from my sister about how much I can learn from it.
Becky We live in the country too and I am the queen of setting boundries. The country is actually a little more dangerous for little ones than a subdivision (in my opinion). My kids won't get a time out for crossing boundries until they are four years old. As you said, a two year old only knows that to fullfill his curiousity, he must touch, hear, smell, taste, pick-up, drop and drag so boundries are the last thing on his mind. I have to say that a two year old has no clue when it comes to boundries and any adult who thinks otherwise is just as clueless! My 16 month old will not be outside without an adult until around 4 and by then, she will fully understand boundries and time-outs.
I think lifestyle has a little to do with parenting and sometimes we do what we have to do instead of what we think is best. But even so, people should not be critical of others because they don't know the personal situations. There are those who simply don't parent and it's sad that they cannot see what it's doing long-term. It's those who should not be criticized, but instead, someone could help them to see what they're headed for. What gets to me is that mostly the ones who are so critical don't have children or don't have young children at the time and don't remember what it's like to be a Mom with young children.
As parents we are all overwhelmed, but some get off their butts and do their jobs, others sit and yell! That's the difference. The ones who judge you would be judging you for something else, if not your kids - it's just their nature to talk about other people...it makes them appear a little better a person!!! Notice I said "appear" to be a better person. Only in their minds, lol.
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June 23, 2006, 6:24 am PDT
Quote From: flik_tweet I dont need to see the show to understand this.
My sister is constantly telling me that she wants to take me onto the Dr. Phil show for this exact same reason. I keep telling to go ahead. We are exact opposites. She spanks, yells, and swears at her kids. She is neglectful and hypoctical. I do not critize her, but probably should more. I do not scream, yell, swear or hit my children. I have a steady routine and am consistant and very protective. She is always saying something about my *lack* of parenting. (her opinion of course)
We both live in the country. I was over to her house visisting. Both our children where 2 years of age. She wanted to send the energentic children out to play outside...unattended. When I said ok but I was going to go out with them, she proceeded to tell me how over protective I was and how she just checks on her son every few minutes. I said that a two year old just is not old enough to understnd bounderies and curiousity could too easily take over what we as adults see as logical no-no's. She then said that HER child knew and understood and it was my lack of parenting and talking with my child that made her not listen well. Also by not gining her opportuniies to have bounderies to break and get disaplined for when they do, how whould she learn how to listen about bigger stuff?
A few short months later, I was talking on the phone with her while watching both my children outside. I mentioned that my son needed a diaper change and I stepped inside to grab one, about 10 seconds of being away from them. She was quick to tell me to be carfeul about leaving my children alone outside because one day she had sent her son out to play. She checked on him every few monutes but one time he didnt answer and could not be seen. She went out to get after him for going around the house, something he did often. But he was not thereeither. A few yells later and no answer, she got started to get scared. She started to look for him and right away decided to look down the road, a place he knew better than go, and figured he probably wasnt there. To her surprise (gasp) he was nearly a quarter mile down the road, just a few steps from walking to the national forest where he would have never been seen again. Of course she spanked him good and then grounded him in the house. She does not understand why I dont want to send out daughter over to spend the night anymore. There are other things, like pretending to shoot a cat after throwing it off a bunk bed. Spanking her for dumping a bottle of shampoo on her head after leaving her unattended in a bathroom, dog poop left in my nephews room for months, and long term issues with our daughter as results of these things, when she stated herself at just 3 1/2 that she did nto oant to be left there without mom and dad.
Im pulling my hair out! And I went over there just after her second was born and spent the day cleaning half the house so that she could rest. Not once have I critized her. I try to be helpful. I mentioned that her new dog was pooping in her sons room just so that I could very gently make some awarness about it. Then she tells me it was a different dog months either that had done it. SO frusterating. And when her husband was hlaf an hour late home, he mentioned well she wasnt alone caue I was there. She told hime, I was there to clean the house cause he couldnt. Neither of them can!
I cant wait to see the episode but I am telling you, I am NOT excited to hear from my sister about how much I can learn from it.
Becky Becky, You are absolutely right not to send a two year old outside unattended, especially since it seems as though the yard isnt even fenced in. Your sister is an irresponsible mother, and if I were you I wouldnt send my daughter over there either. A two year old DOES NOT have the ability to predict consequences, nor does she have the ability to know right from wrong. She will not sense impending danger the way we do as adults. You dont need to learn anything from this episode, but I think your sister does if she is screaming at and spanking a toddler. Perhaps she should take a baby safety class, or a parenting class, or just develop some common sense somehow. And stop cleaning her house! If she and her husband are too lazy and enjoy living in filth, let them. If it is harming your nephew, then call in an anonymous report to child services. It's better to piss her off then let those kids be in danger, which they clearly are. And just for the record, I grew up living on a dead end in a quiet neighboorhood. My sisters and I had a fenced in yard, and mom still went outside with us until we were school age. And we never played out front until we were about 10. We are not scarred for life, we have the ability to make decisions, and to date, no one has ever been kidnapped or hit by a car, either. |
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