Replies to '08/08 Cheaters'

I happen to know of two couples where the husband cheated during his midlife crisis.  In both cases, the wife was devastated.  But, both continued their marriages for different reasons.  Both husbands have spend the rest of their time trying to make up in every way.  Although it is certainly difficult, I believe if the person is basically decent, then there is a possibility of happiness after infidelity.

 Anything is as easy or difficult as you make it. Yes, its hard, but you have to weigh out the situation........memories are just that........MEMORIES. That is not the present or the future.

For me, the memories would all seem like a lie.  My husband is my very best friend, thats actually how we started, and if I found out he was cheating I would always wonder if the goods times we had in the past were him kissing a** for screwing some woman earlier.  From reading the posts it's obvious that everyone looks at things in a different way and that every situation is unique.  I think if someone decides to stay with a cheater they shouldn't be able to throw it in their face later.  Either forgive or get out of the relationship.

I screwed up and had an affair. I was lucky I got a second chance. Since we reconciled we have had 2 more children, built a life and enjoyed each other.  Is it perfect?  No. Is your marriage perfect.  I have talked to many people who regret having an affair.  Their spouse left them and they went on to rebuild their lives with other people. The cheaters did change.  Wouldn't it be better if the 1st spouse gave them a second chance?  We made it despite people like you.  I am here to say others can too.

I'm trying to understand this through reading these other posts, but I don't.  The begging would not have done it for me.  While seeing him down on his knees begging, I'd be picturing him w/the other woman.   Also, he should think about the "years of happy memories" prior to getting in bed w/someone else.  A cheater does not have my sympathy.

Actually, you never really know what you'll do until you stand in those shoes - I always fel that I would never be able to reconcile if my husband was unfaithful - until that day came.  I decided that if for no other reason than for myself I needed to try and deal with it straight on and see if I was big enough to get through it.  There are always reasons that lead up to the infidelity and oft times you fail to deal with those issues and it leads to to the other.  Forgiving is actually the easy part - it's the forgetting that's tough and professional counseling is a must.  We got lucky and while I never want to go through that again, I would say that I'm glad we went through something that bad to get to where we are today.  And I've learned that I can never say never.

I always said that I would never be the type of woman to take back a man after he has cheated on me. Now that I have, I will "never say never" again. In August I found out that my husband cheated. He claims it was before we were married in May but to this day I'm not really sure. I decided that after five years of being with this man, learning each other, sharing our families, and creating a lot of happy memories that I was not ready to throw it all out of the window. Personally, I believe in second chances. Everybody deserves one. My husband came to me on this issue, I didn't bust him doing anything. The guilt of what he did was heavy on his heart and he couldn't take it anymore so he came clean. I was definitely hurt by this, in fact I was devastated. I too told myself that it could never work between us knowing that he did this. It's been seven months since the beans were spilled and things are going pretty wel between us. I still have not completely forgiven my husband, I believe it will take a long time to get to that point. Everyday he tells me how much he loves me, he showers me with attention and we're better friends and lovers than we were before. I understand him and his needs more and he understands me the same way. I'm not saying everything is honkey dorey but I really can't complain. If you REALLY love aomeone I think that it's okay to give them a second chance. The first time is the cheaters fault bu tthe second time is your fault. You have to make up in your mind that your going to move on or be done with the relationship.