Replies to '08/08 Cheaters'

Quote From: trooperbug

I wish I could say my husband doesn't care about our daughter. He is in over-compensation mode. She told me that she thinks he's gone way over the top in being "so mushy." She finds it false because she doesn't see anything being lavished on me. I agree that to be faithful in a relationship, you have to put the emphasis on the other person. However, I think that's incredibly difficult in a person with low self-esteem when they can never get enough love because they're so empty of love of themselves. My husband seems to be borderline in this respect, veering from self-doubt to being confident in himself. The only thing he seems to have decided now is that the best way to deal with his negative feelings about me is to withdraw, live his life separately in the spare bedroom, wait until "I" change, then decide to get closer. He says this situation happened because I withdrew from him for years and his resentment shows. It's my responsibility to say I did and with the proviso that his stresssed out anger caused me to be fearful and go out to work in order to escape his anger that was targeted right at me. There is a gulf of misinterpretation on both our parts and I don't know how to breach it, especially since he refuses any more counselling. The last time we went, he felt the counsellor was being hard on him, trying to get at his shortcomings only. (Might it be - because he chose to cheat??! Duh!) Anyway, I'm reading Dr. Phil's book, "Life Strategies" and doing a lot of hard self-examination. Maybe my position will change and I'll recover the me that was lost in the aftermath of my husband's infidelities.