Replies to '06/23 "Stop Ruining Your Child!"'

 I have three teenage daughters and have been a mother for almost 20 years.  I also supervise a parent support program and I teach parenting classes in my community.  While none of this makes me an expert, (and I believe that each parent is the expert on their own child), it does give me some insight into the far reaching implications that child rearing has on society.  What kind of adults are we raising if we hit, humiliate, or ignore our children?  Adults that will have low self-esteem, who will fear the unknown, and who embrace violence as a problem solver.  On the other hand, what kind of adults will our children become if we do not discipline, if we give them their heart's every desire, if we spoil them with material goods or let them do whatever they please with no consequences or responsibility?  Adults that do not know how to feel compassion or empathy, who do not know the value of earning a wanted item or priviledge.  Adults who think only of themselves and are poorly prepared for the harsh realities of life.  There must be  a balance between the two styles in order to give our children the solid and caring upbringing they deserve.  While we are certainly damaging our children when we hit, humiliate, or ignore them, we are certainly doing them no favors when we spoil, coddle, or unduly shelter them from consequences or responsibilities.  Parenting is the most important thing we will ever do and we have a responsibility to raise children to be productive members of society who care about themselves and other people as well.  Who they turn out to be has an impact on everyone in the community.  So, it is everyone's business to get involved when a child is being mistreated as well as when a child is being overly indulged.  The outcome is too important to ignore. I do not know you or your family, so I will not pass judgment based on a few lines in a message board.  I think, however, that too often we look closely at other people's parenting mistakes and forget to look as closely at our own.  Even "old veteran parents" like me still have a lot to learn.  In the meantime, if we want the societal problems that our youth develop and carry into adulthood to diminish, we must start with how we are preparing them for the world.