Replies to '06/12 On the Outs With In-Laws'

Quote From: navygirl99

I watched the show today and was disgusted by each of the women on the show. Both of these women were defensive, manipulative, and not listening to reason. My grandmother was like this mother in law to my mother. As the grandchildren got older we certainly learned to recognize this intolerable behavior and grew conflicted by it. It didnt help that my mother commented to us about the inappropriate behavior and never chose to leave it behind her. Don't get me wrong - she definitely was the bigger person but she could have showed us a better way to deal with my grandmother. As I got older, I chose to not engage my grandmother's comments. She still says hurtful things but I dont let those comments dominate my thinking. I still have a relationship with her and I can love her for who she is. She is still my family no matter what. And I set the example by dealing with her in a responsible manner, which sometimes means giving myself space from her. Figuring this out took time and common sense, which is needed here. I havent met too many wonderful Mother in laws. Some are better than others certainly, but in the end you dont have to let anyone rule your life except yourself. These people have to choose to disengage despite the hurt. They need to just shut up and stop the blame. Each of those women are just trying to be right and I can understand when you have been continually hurt over a long time that you become defensive. But this angry back and forth gets no where and just wastes time. They will never change the other personality. Each needs to set boundaries, respect them like adults, put the children first and MOVE ON! If one side doesnt- so what- still stay the course. In order to heal they need to do what ever it takes to choose to be happy which may mean sacrificing pride, shutting up, moving away, completely cutting each other off (and disregarding any comments made around town because who really cares what people say. Its not their business so grow up!), or whatever. I felt like these people should have been on Springer instead of Dr Phil. Everybody needs to take responsibility for their actions here and move on. I was embarassed for them.