Replies to '06/12 On the Outs With In-Laws'

Before a couple gets married, sometimes before they are even engaged, the in-law jokes start.  More times than not on television, in books, movies, etc..., the in-law relationships are often depicted as dysfunctional, and most often the relationship that is dysfunctional is the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship.   

As a mother of 2 young children, I'd like to think that when they marry, I will not be the stereotypical mother-in-law.  But, being realistic, mother/son relationships are close.  For years and years we will have been the ones to feed him, hug him, hold him, and love him in a way that only a mother could.  When someone else starts to "take care" of him, making his meals, washing his clothes, wiping off his milk mustaches :-), it is a completely human feeling to miss having that place in his life. I am getting choked up thinking about it and my son is only two!   

That being said, that does not mean that the relationship between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has to be a strained contest to "take care" of son/husband the best.   I think that maybe the stereotypes about this relationship may put us on guard before we even bother to establish a relationship beyond (daughter-in-law) "my boyfriend's mother", or (mother-in-law) "the girl he's seeing."  I believe that stereotypes can often damage a relationship before it even starts. 

It's so easy for me to see that it would be best to realize that both myself and his future wife ::gulp:: love my son very much.  That is probably the most important thing we'll have in common to build a relationship on and then hopefully build a friendship even beyond that.  BUT, that is so much easier said than done and I can only hope I remember this when it's time. :-) 

Before a couple gets married, sometimes before they are even engaged, the in-law jokes start.  More times than not on television, in books, movies, etc..., the in-law relationships are often depicted as dysfunctional, and most often the relationship that is dysfunctional is the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship.   

As a mother of 2 young children, I'd like to think that when they marry, I will not be the stereotypical mother-in-law.  But, being realistic, mother/son relationships are close.  For years and years we will have been the ones to feed him, hug him, hold him, and love him in a way that only a mother could.  When someone else starts to "take care" of him, making his meals, washing his clothes, wiping off his milk mustaches :-), it is a completely human feeling to miss having that place in his life. I am getting choked up thinking about it and my son is only two!   

That being said, that does not mean that the relationship between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has to be a strained contest to "take care" of son/husband the best.   I think that maybe the stereotypes about this relationship may put us on guard before we even bother to establish a relationship beyond (daughter-in-law) "my boyfriend's mother", or (mother-in-law) "the girl he's seeing."  I believe that stereotypes can often damage a relationship before it even starts. 

It's so easy for me to see that it would be best to realize that both myself and his future wife ::gulp:: love my son very much.  That is probably the most important thing we'll have in common to build a relationship on and then hopefully build a friendship even beyond that.  BUT, that is so much easier said than done and I can only hope I remember this when it's time. :-)