Replies to '06/12 On the Outs With In-Laws'

 While your suggestion about recording what the woman does is a good one, very little, if any good, comes of doing such.  I suppose if you end up in court, perhaps it documents the behavior.  Police today are hesitant to get involved in family issues like this.

My Mother used to drive around town, with a gun in the car, threatening to shoot my husband, and on one occasion her own mother and a friend of the family who witnessed it for himself.  We have her, on tape, threatening to have my husband's feet put in concrete boots, and then thrown off the high rise bridge in the area.  We had her involuntarily committed only to have her out of the hospital within 24 hours.  When we appealed to the court for the restraining order, it took two months just to get her served with the summons to appear.  The officer(s) would go to the house, see her inside, but be unable to get her to come to the door.  She would smile at them, flip 'em the finger, and even sneak out the back, crank up the car, and just about run over the deputy as she backed down the driveway.  To get her served, we had to figure out where she might be at what time, and when we spotted her at a fast-food restaurant, called the police and asked them to hurry there with the summons.  We have tape after tape after tape of her threats and obscenities on the answering machine, and caller ID saved us from many ugly confrontations over the telephone.  It was not uncommon for her to call the house every five to ten minutes throughout the day.  She would call my place of work and leave "subtle" nasty messages;  I knew what she was doing, however.  Not answering the phone or returning messages didn't stop her.  She would drive over to our home, sit in her car in the driveway, and blow the horn until someone came out to speak to her.  When my sister got into an argument with her one afternoon, and asked her to please leave (it was upsetting the baby), Mother refused, and it took the police coming to the house, putting handcuffs on the woman, and escorting her out to patrol car.

Your advice about NO CONTACT is actually on the mark.  My sister has never been able to go as far to avoid the whole scene as what I have, and I've had to point out to her that at the least, then, the relationship with Mother must be on her terms, not Mother's.  I admire her in some ways for still hanging in there when it's a lost cause, but it hasn't come without a price to her, her marriage, and her unfortunate children.