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Replies to 'Cheated On'
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February 28, 2006, 1:46 pm PST
 Quote From: terkyle I am the one who had an affair. I am a married woman of 20 years, I had an 8 month affair w/ a younger man, also married. My marriage had been in trouble for a long time. Probably since day one. I was 21 and pregnant when I got married, but still never strayed the entire time, until I met "him" He swept me off my feet, was everything I ever wanted in a man, in a relationship. He professed that he felt the same way. We talked about being together, I even separated from my husband and sought counseling. I decided that "he " needed time to figure out his life and broke it off. We talked and emailed ( he lives in a different state) a few times after that and it seemed like we were headed back to seeing each other again until his wife got suspicious and like many people on this board decided to check his cell phone records. ....and discovered my number many many times and for log periods of times well into the night. "He" travels alot and I would meet him out of town or he would call me when he was out of town. So things blew up for him, not to mention that his wife is now pregnant w/ their second child. He called me and insinuated he still wanted to be with me, that we had a chance, he needed to figure things out. Then two days later he called me and told me he wanted his marriage to work. That was three months ago and i haven't heard a word from him. I got back w/ my husband to try to work things out, but things aren't going well, mostly b/c I still have feelings for "him" and can't seem to let go and move on. How do I know if maybe I just don't love my husband anymore or if my feelings for this other person is getting in the way ? I can't understand how "He" just walked away ! I don't know what to do anymore I am so confused. I'd like to hear from women in the same situation as well as men that walked away from the other woman and what that is like. I need some perspective, I need some advise, I need some hope that it gets better. I am sorry that I cannot find much sympathy with your situation. The man you had an affair with betrayed his wife, who is now pregnant, and you helped him do it. I wonder how you can be surprised that he could walk away from you. This is not a man that can be trusted, just as much as you are one that cannot be trusted either. It sounds like you are trying to justify why you did what you did. There must've been a point where you knew that this is a married man, and you should walk away - unless you are morally bankrupt. Do you feel guilty about what you did to that family? Do you feel any responsibility about the children involved? You need to look at yourself, and decide who you really are before needing someone to 'love'. I doubt those who get involved in affairs really know themselves - they just want the excitement of new love, and a fantasy world of sneaking around, and declaring undying love for each other - all, just childish, immature infatuation. Load of horse manure, if you ask me. But, then, I am a woman whose husband cheated on her, so, as I said, I don't have much sympathy, but I hope you find your true self, and able to prove to your husband that you can be trusted. I am still trying to find a way to trust my husband (after 20 years of marriage) - you women who think you can just insinuate yourselves into other people's marriages have no idea the pain and sorrow you cause. You are all selfish and self-serving, living for what pleasure you can get for yourselves, with no thought to the damage you cause in other's lives. |
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February 28, 2006, 3:30 pm PST
Quote From: terkyle I am the one who had an affair. I am a married woman of 20 years, I had an 8 month affair w/ a younger man, also married. My marriage had been in trouble for a long time. Probably since day one. I was 21 and pregnant when I got married, but still never strayed the entire time, until I met "him" He swept me off my feet, was everything I ever wanted in a man, in a relationship. He professed that he felt the same way. We talked about being together, I even separated from my husband and sought counseling. I decided that "he " needed time to figure out his life and broke it off. We talked and emailed ( he lives in a different state) a few times after that and it seemed like we were headed back to seeing each other again until his wife got suspicious and like many people on this board decided to check his cell phone records. ....and discovered my number many many times and for log periods of times well into the night. "He" travels alot and I would meet him out of town or he would call me when he was out of town. So things blew up for him, not to mention that his wife is now pregnant w/ their second child. He called me and insinuated he still wanted to be with me, that we had a chance, he needed to figure things out. Then two days later he called me and told me he wanted his marriage to work. That was three months ago and i haven't heard a word from him. I got back w/ my husband to try to work things out, but things aren't going well, mostly b/c I still have feelings for "him" and can't seem to let go and move on. How do I know if maybe I just don't love my husband anymore or if my feelings for this other person is getting in the way ? I can't understand how "He" just walked away ! I don't know what to do anymore I am so confused. I'd like to hear from women in the same situation as well as men that walked away from the other woman and what that is like. I need some perspective, I need some advise, I need some hope that it gets better. hmmmmm.....this is a tough one for me to read. i, like your husband, have been the victim of my spouse's infidelity. you are doing the classic thing that cheaters do - you are pulling out every excuse in the book as to why you did this. i'm sure you WOULD like to hear from other women who've done the same thing. there's strength in numbers! but the fact is this, you messed in your nest as well as somebody else's nest. you've got all the answers as to why you did this to your husband but how could you have done this to another woman? a wife, a mother, a woman who probably thought everything in her life was A-okay. i know how i felt! i came home one day from work to find out that my husband had been sleeping with another man's wife. everything i'd ever known to be true was completely shot out of the water. nothing has been the same since either. i don't blame the other woman at all. she wasn't the one who vowed to be faithful to me on our wedding day. but she had her part in it just like you have your part in this one. and may i add that what you had with this man was nothing other than superficial things - not the deep, day-to-day situations that make up a marriage. it's really easy to make it seem like it was all perfect because it was! a few hours in a hotel room doesn't mean much when compared to the structure of marriage. you don't see each others' "real" personalities! it's easy to be perfect for a few hours but much, much harder to be that fantasy person when it comes down to the nitty-gritty of jobs, household bills, child rearing, etc. but let's face it. this wonderful man that "swept you off your feet" was actually cheating on his wife with you.
it's his wife's choice to allow him back into her life and to try and work things out. i question the choice to go forward with a second pregnancy so early in a situation that could derail the marriage but a pregnancy has occurred, nonetheless. continue to stay away from these people and do some very honest and serious soul searching for yourself. in the future, stay away from other women's husbands. good luck. |
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