Replies to 'Cheated On'

Good morning, 

I have never written on a chat board and it is sad that I have to do it with this matter but I have no one to talk to. I am a 33 year old married woman whom has been dealing with my husbands Internet porn problem for years.  I caught him 5 years ago after I started to have these strange dreams of him cheating on me.  At that time my husband promised he would never do the on line chat with porn again.  2 years ago I caught him again and he apologized and said he was through with it.  Last week I started to have these incredibly strong dreams that he was cheating and I went and installed spy ware on my computer and sure enough he was.  It scares me as it is not just viewing pictures his words with these woman are very demeaning and demanding in nature as to what he wants them to do. To make matters worse he only makes love to me approximately every 3-4 months and this has been since day one of our marriage.  At one time he went to counseling for 2 months and then said he was better and he did change a bit for a month or so and then regressed back to him ignoring me.  When we married he agreed that he wanted children and since I have pcos I did the fertility gamma and he would not follow through with intercourse on all the days suggested by the specialist.  This became a bit of a problem but I let it go as I assumed it was probably just too much pressure and I eased up.  Now we are foster parents to teens and I just 5 months ago he told me the truth that he never wanted kids and will not be having them with me.  I am so confused and scared and I have no one to help me through this! If I leave I loose my job as a foster parent and have no income.  If I stay it is awful and I am being ignored.,  To make matters worse I have been in 2 car accidents in the last 5 years and have allot of consistent pain in my back and neck .. what am I going to do. I feel lost, confused, scared, extremely nauseous and anxious.   When I brought up the Internet problem last week he looked at me and said he hadn;t done it in years; until I told him I had spy ware and then he confessed.  As of last Friday he said he was sorry and wanted to make the marriage work and he would get help.  This morning I asked why he hadn;t called a counselor and he said that he decided he didn;t need one and could do this all on his own.  When I told him I was sad and scarred and I thought he couldn't;t do it on his own he then said fine we'll divorce!! I felt the room spin and calmly sat down and told him I did not want to divorce but that we needed help! He said fine then you go for counseling and I'll move downstairs.  I did make an appointment to see my doctor this Friday but I don;t know if I can keep up the smile and flakiness till then especially with my foster teens they are very keen. Any words of wisdom would be welcomed and appreciated. Thank you 

Good morning, 

I have never written on a chat board and it is sad that I have to do it with this matter but I have no one to talk to. I am a 33 year old married woman whom has been dealing with my husbands Internet porn problem for years.  I caught him 5 years ago after I started to have these strange dreams of him cheating on me.  At that time my husband promised he would never do the on line chat with porn again.  2 years ago I caught him again and he apologized and said he was through with it.  Last week I started to have these incredibly strong dreams that he was cheating and I went and installed spy ware on my computer and sure enough he was.  It scares me as it is not just viewing pictures his words with these woman are very demeaning and demanding in nature as to what he wants them to do. To make matters worse he only makes love to me approximately every 3-4 months and this has been since day one of our marriage.  At one time he went to counseling for 2 months and then said he was better and he did change a bit for a month or so and then regressed back to him ignoring me.  When we married he agreed that he wanted children and since I have pcos I did the fertility gamma and he would not follow through with intercourse on all the days suggested by the specialist.  This became a bit of a problem but I let it go as I assumed it was probably just too much pressure and I eased up.  Now we are foster parents to teens and I just 5 months ago he told me the truth that he never wanted kids and will not be having them with me.  I am so confused and scared and I have no one to help me through this! If I leave I loose my job as a foster parent and have no income.  If I stay it is awful and I am being ignored.,  To make matters worse I have been in 2 car accidents in the last 5 years and have allot of consistent pain in my back and neck .. what am I going to do. I feel lost, confused, scared, extremely nauseous and anxious.   When I brought up the Internet problem last week he looked at me and said he hadn;t done it in years; until I told him I had spy ware and then he confessed.  As of last Friday he said he was sorry and wanted to make the marriage work and he would get help.  This morning I asked why he hadn;t called a counselor and he said that he decided he didn;t need one and could do this all on his own.  When I told him I was sad and scarred and I thought he couldn't;t do it on his own he then said fine we'll divorce!! I felt the room spin and calmly sat down and told him I did not want to divorce but that we needed help! He said fine then you go for counseling and I'll move downstairs.  I did make an appointment to see my doctor this Friday but I don;t know if I can keep up the smile and flakiness till then especially with my foster teens they are very keen. Any words of wisdom would be welcomed and appreciated. Thank you