Replies to '06/12 On the Outs With In-Laws'

I know so many families this is happening in right now, when it doesn't need to happen.  It makes everyone in the family sad except the controlling manipulator, who always seems to get his or her way and remains oblivious to the hurt caused to the others. 

Our priest says he has seen this happen many times in families where the son is close to his mother and the daughter-in-law feels threatened.  I have also seen this in son-in-laws.  Families should try to be considerate and get along.  If they don't, they should seek family counseling or at least seek the help of a skilled negotiator to get past the issues.  If all that fails, only then should a family disconnect.  They are not just acquaintances, or friends; they are family. 

No, that is exactly what I am saying too - - that it's NOTt OK to be overbearing, manipulative and nasty to anyone.  Mothers-in-law don't have that right, nor do the spouses of their children.  I didn't say the mom was blameless but don't think she is the only one in this dance. 

I just counted 6 very nice couples we know personally going through hell on earth, because some kid has decided to use his or her children as a weapon against their parents or in-laws.  It's wrong for the kids to have to miss their grandparents and wrong for new spouses to try to come between their spouses' parents and their spouse.  Everyone seems to suffer but the manipulator making them all jump on command.  I agree with you 100-percent, that the way to love your kids is to prepare them to be mature, stong, caring, and decent enough to survive on their own and to leave the nest. 

Everyone should have my mother-in-law.  I am blessed with the sweetest mother-in-law to ever walk the earth.  She raised a very large family and did it well, without playing favorites.  I have such a good role model to be a mother-in-law in her.  I'm blessed.   

I just hate to see a lot of other good people suffering.  That is where I come from.  A little civility would go a long way in these families - - on all sides.  Unless there is a really destructive problem (child abuse, spousal abuse, addictions, adultery, exposing kids to unsafe situations, etc.) I am just of the opinion people should at least try counseling to work things out - - before severing ties.  It is not a cure-all solution to all families.  I'm seeing this happen in families that it surely did not need to happen in.  It is just plain sad, and I cry right along with our friends, none of whom have done anything to deserve the treatment they are getting.  Nor, do their grandkids, who cry because they miss grandma and grandpa.  If all else fails, they could have supervised visitation with the kids, I think. 

However, I don't see any way that the women on the show will ever be big enough to let comments go and respect each others' personal boundaries and feelings.  They have each played a big part in the problem from the little we heard on TV, and so has the son.  No way, would I ever want my son to complain to me about his wife.  I'd tell him to go work it out with his wife, and don't whine to me about her.  Gossiping won't fix things; honest communication will.   

Still, I would cheer out loud if the people on the show could succeed in overcoming this, because I'd be happy for them.  It would give our troubled friends some hope too.