Quote From: gak815Hello all of you! A few comments have come to mind as I have been watching these boards. They are not defensive. I am just clarifying some things since it has provoked quite the discussion. I did not ask Grant for the list of 75 things. That list was in response to our second show and the fact that he felt like he was "white knuckeling" it. He was asked what I still needed lessons in. He then told the show that he felt that any "domestic engineer" should have knowledge in those areas as well. I asked Grant to tell me something specific that I could work on for him. Maybe ironing all his work shirts for a week, maybe cleaning off his desk-whatever.
He could not give me an answer. He eventually told me he would have to get back to me. He did not get back to me. I did the same thing in the kitchen. I asked him what he would like to see me cook. He has a hard time answering me. Maybe it is because my cooking really does bite,
or maybe he doesn't really know what he wants.
I do believe it really is an attitude thing. It is how
both of us feel on the inside. I do not mean to minimize how our home and environment contribute to how we both feel. It is just plain easier to breath in a clean and de cluttered home. But even today, I believe that the only thing Grant knows for sure is that he wants less anxiety and fustration. Ironically enough, I too want less anxiety and fustration! Kelly
Kelly....good to hear from you! It must be very strange to have so many people vehemently weighing in on you and your marriage.
I know you have received so much advice....mine has nothing to do with your house. After I broke up with MY electrical engineer, I was devastated. He was hyper critical and dangled the approval/commitment carrot just close enough to keep me jumping through hoops to please him.My mother gave me Life Strategies to read, and told me to read like it was a mirror. I had never even heard of Dr Phil!
If you haven't already read it, it is easy to read and think of others, but you need to concentrate on yourself....not because you are wrong, but because you can't fix other people! I sobbed reading the book. As much as I believe my ex was emotionally abusive (Dr Phil defines the withholding of affection as a form of abuse), I had to concentrate on how I allowed myself to be a victim and seriously trained him how to treat me.
The book changed me from the inside out. I realize that you are married with three kids, so you should exhaust every option before considering leaving. If you figure out how to love and value yourself as much as you love and value your husband, I think you will find peace.
For the record, I think you handle yourself with amazing dignity. I don't want to bash Amy, but I'm not sure it was a great idea to have a stranger weigh in on your marriage on TV. I don't think it's a winning situation for anybody.
If this is of no help, please disregard it completely. I hope you and Grant find a way to be truly happy.
Julie
