Replies to 'Betrayal'

I think that you should work on both relationships separately if you wish to maintain both of them. Do not mix friendship with relationship in this instance because it has caused problems. Your friend is no longer just a friend, she is an X of your current boyfriend. So that adds a whole new dynamic to your relationship with her, his relationship with her, and the relationship between the three of you. 

You need to tell your boyfriend to not talk, take advice or discuss the problems that ya'll are having with this woman. The problems that are there are strictly between you TWO. You two should be the only ones concerned with fixing them. You have to put your friend back in her place as a FRIEND not a counselor, supporter or meddler. If you have to-- cut her off. She is not being a good friend with you by continuing her behavior that causes you pain. I would advise her that she should stay out of your affairs if she wants to remain your friend. Tell your boyfriend as well that he should work out issues between you with YOU and only with you. Yes, it is always nice to have a sounding board/neutral friend that you can bounce ideas off of and get advice about the situation they are not involved in-- however you friend IS involved and HAS been involved.  

Therefore she loses her status as neutral, loving and supporting. She obviously has her own agenda and that is to cause you and your relationship as much difficulty as possible. It is up to you and your boyfriend to take the reins of the relationship and decide if it is worth it to not put up a united front as a couple against this woman who only seems to bring pain and divison to you two.  

Ya'll got back together-- so it looks as if you two are willing to commit to each other and realize that you want each other in your lives. If that is the truth and you want to keep this relationship from crumbling and succumbing to the pressures and strains like the last time this woman tried to put herself in the middle-- you need to tell her to stay away for a while. You don' t have to cut her off completely if you don't feel like you can. Simply tell her something to the effect of, "look ____, you are my friend and I would like to continue being friends with you...however you are inserting yourself into parts of my life that you don't belong, and it isn't helping. If you would like to be my friend could you give me 6 months to a year with no contact so that I can save my relationship? I value you, but I don't like the way our friendship has evolved and I think it would be a good idea for us both to take a break."  

See if this works, and if she wants to stop being friends with you all together then that isn't an entirely bad idea in light of the continuing problems. These are only suggestions, but if I were in your position I would weigh which meant more to me. The friend or the relationship? While we should never have to choose-- you have to now that relationships have overlapped. Since you have known this girl for years perhaps you would like to choose her? But a true friend doesn't treat their good friend of 7 years by worming her way into their relationships...this is the best advice I can give. If you want to save your relationship you and your boyfriend have to be united against outsiders trying to meddle.