Replies to 'Differing Sex Drives'

This is my second marriage. The first one lasted about 12 years. This one is in its 15th. The sexual relationship in both lasted about two years before tapering off. At first, in both cases, we were like rabbits. Later, sex less than 6 times a year was common. Both wives insisted it had nothing to do with me. Believe me, I tried to get the fires going again! Here's the rub. I started divorce proceedings on the first marriage. By the time it was finalized I had already been snapped up by my current wife. Right before it was final my ex wanted to see me. I had to physically defend myself to keep her from raping me! My current wife admits now that she is so turned off she is pushing me to see other women. Sex friends I think is the term they use nowadays. At first I didn't want to consider it. Eventually I decided to check out a few legitimate dating sites. If she catches me looking she gets so jealous I'm afraid for my continued good health. So far I can't bring myself to answer email messages from anyone else, though. 

Summary: Right now I feel humiliated, betrayed and unwanted. I don't sleep well and don't have much of an appetite - I feel sick inside. We've always been extremely close. I'm a very neat, clean person. I consider myself to be romantic, devoted, caring. I don't like watching sports or drinking. I'm either at work or at home. We still go out on "dates", frequenting restaurants, the theatre, flowers for no reason, etc, etc. We hug, kiss and cuddle. I don't keep secrets from her. Is there such a thing as being too caring and considerate? I see only two alternatives. 1- Stay with her (I still love her deeply) and get a castration to kill my masculine urges forever? 2 - Take a secret lover on the side and risk her vengeance? Is jealousy the secret key to keeping relationships alive? It certainly seemed to have a drastic effect on my first wife! She didn't care until she knew there was another woman who wanted me. Just because that happened once doesn't mean it's going to happen again. I really want this marriage to work but I need to do something! My current wife knows that this is really hurting me but just doesn't seem to care enough to even see a doctor or therapist about it. It feels like I'm swimming against the current here. Please help?