Replies to 'Betrayal'
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August 22, 2005, 1:28 pm PDT
 Quote From: bellacoo Dear Parisiene
Thank you for your advice.. i really appreciate it.
I will speak to my "friend" and tell her how i feel about her interfering in my relationship with my boyfriend. However the problem is that he will not open up to me at all anymore.
When asked why he is angry at me his response is "Nothing". I've told him if he doesn't talk to me i am not going to put up with him going to speak to someone else when the relationship concerns me and him only not our friend.
I asked him if he thinks our relationship is worth saving and he simply said "its up to you". He believes that i am just jealous of their friendship and the truth is i am because he talks to her n not to me and during our break he had feelings for her.
I told him that if he asked her if she had feelings for him and she said no not to come back to me because i WOULD NOT be second best.
After we got back together i found out that is exactly what he had done and asked him why he didn't tell me before we got back together so i could make the decision myself and he didn't respond at all to that.
I love him and ask him if he loves me. he tells me yes.
i ask him as i need to feel loved because i don't feel that from my family and i just like the reassurance do u think that this is what is causing the problems between us??
i love him and want to be with him but fear that our relationship is already over due to our friends interference.
i am willing to give our friendship a break so i can work out my problems with my boyfriend but the problem is that we have same group of friends and will see each other at parties. i know that my boyfriend isn't willing to give up his friendship for our relationship.
Is this a sign that he doesn't want to be with me and put our relationship first?? Mon Amie:
If he is not willing to give up a potentially relationship-threatening friendship with this girl then there is something more going on here than he cares to admit. Does it bother you that he is still friends with her? If he loves you he will see that even a one month break (a true break) from this girl and the friendship he shares with her could be beneficial for working out the problems in the relationship that ya'll have. He doesn't have to stop being her friend completely (you don't either really) but a trial period where neither of you has contact with this girl (for whom he admits he has had feelings in the past) would be a good thing. There would be no interference from the other girl, and no distraction.
If he is angry he should tell you. It is a control issue with his keeping silent about things he should tell you. If he is going to other people to vent his feelings about problems with ya'll's relationships then that is bad news.
You shouldn't stay with a guy that doesn't respect your wishes and doesn't appear to be willing to sacrifice a little bit of his play time in order to experiment in techniques for the salvation of your relationship. Also, you should talk to your family and see if you can get what you need from them.
I think that family is more important than this relationship anyway. If I were you, and I am not, but the situation sounds like it is doing you more harm than good...I would tell this guy that enough is enough. You don't deserve to be treated this way by either your boyfriend or your friend. Tell them both to take a hike and stick to it.
If both people really loved you they wouldn't be manipulating you and hurting you. They would want what is best for you and not just what is convenient for them. I know it will stink, but I think you had better say good riddance to bad rubbish on this one.
If you are worried that you will feel isolated or you can't go to the same parties that you once did-- don't worry. Do you have a friend that you can go to a different party with? If you have other friends that you can spend time with during your extrication then I would do it. Don't take this guy back either-- he sounds like he takes you for granted and doesn't give a flip about what is going on in your relationship.
I don't say this often: but dump them...cut bait and run. Find a guy that is willing to focus on you and not your friends-- find a friend that is capable of being a friend and not out to nail your boyfriend to get at you.
If you need someone to talk to you can email me at Paris_Rose_2005@hotmail.com . I may not be able to do much (I am in the process of moving) but I can always read/listen to what you have to say and do my best to reassure you that you are worth more than this.
Put on some Nancy Sinatra and stick out your thumb-- its time for you to get the heck out of Dodge! |
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August 23, 2005, 7:25 pm PDT
Quote From: bellacoo Dear Parisiene
Thank you for your advice.. i really appreciate it.
I will speak to my "friend" and tell her how i feel about her interfering in my relationship with my boyfriend. However the problem is that he will not open up to me at all anymore.
When asked why he is angry at me his response is "Nothing". I've told him if he doesn't talk to me i am not going to put up with him going to speak to someone else when the relationship concerns me and him only not our friend.
I asked him if he thinks our relationship is worth saving and he simply said "its up to you". He believes that i am just jealous of their friendship and the truth is i am because he talks to her n not to me and during our break he had feelings for her.
I told him that if he asked her if she had feelings for him and she said no not to come back to me because i WOULD NOT be second best.
After we got back together i found out that is exactly what he had done and asked him why he didn't tell me before we got back together so i could make the decision myself and he didn't respond at all to that.
I love him and ask him if he loves me. he tells me yes.
i ask him as i need to feel loved because i don't feel that from my family and i just like the reassurance do u think that this is what is causing the problems between us??
i love him and want to be with him but fear that our relationship is already over due to our friends interference.
i am willing to give our friendship a break so i can work out my problems with my boyfriend but the problem is that we have same group of friends and will see each other at parties. i know that my boyfriend isn't willing to give up his friendship for our relationship.
Is this a sign that he doesn't want to be with me and put our relationship first?? I must say that I a have to agree with Parissiene 100 %. The EXACT same thing happen to me 3 years ago. He wants his cake and icecream, and you are left in the lurch thinking it is all your fault. And it is not, he is not being honest with you at all. You do deserve way better. I still hurt from this ordeal because I loved this guy so much, I made the mistake of turning myself into a pretzel for him. I don't know if I will ever completely trust another man, but as they say, time heals all, the hurt isn't as intenese, it's the trust that is slow to come. I litterally agrued with this guy for 2 years, because I knew there was something that just wasn't right about his friendship with his female friend, but he would always just blame me for being jealous. It had nothing to do with jealousy at all, it's called women's instinct. Don't wait to long to move on. Hope this helps.
Goldielox |
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