Replies to '02/22 Wedding Wars'

I have been married to my husband for 14 years.  We have been together since high school, so 19 years added up.  My only words of advise to any "Soon To Be" Mother In Law is this:  You have to let it go.  Whether you think your daughter in law is right or wrong, it is the woman your son has chosen to spend his life with.  After many, many years of being put down, back-stabbed, dominated (and any other toxic word you can think of), my husband and I alienated ourselves from his family.  Our oldest daughter was 1 at the time.   It was the easiest time we have ever had in our marriage, because we felt so much healthier, mentally, from escaping that poison.  Our oldest daughter is now 9, we had two other children in the meantime (another girl 7, and a son 6).  They never knew them as babies, never knew what they looked like.  They gave that all up.  For what????  I have no idea. So they could back stab?  So they could control?  So they could prove a point? They never even tried to get in touch with us to try to work anything out.   Fortunately, 6 years into this ridiculous fight, I "surrendered" and decided I just didn't want to do this anymore.  They had three grandchildren they didn't know.   Anyway, I made the first move and went to their house one day without my husband even knowing.  They met their grandson that day for the first time and later met their  granddaughter and saw their oldest granddaughter for the first time in 6 years...not to mention their own son.  They learned a valuable lesson.   They now respect our marriage, their son and me.  They only downside is that I am the one who "apologized" first.   It is a little hard for me to this day, to accept the fact that I have that burden on my shoulders.  Not one person  in my husbands family claimed any ownership to anything they had done.  It is a hard pill to swallow, but I know I can do it!!   It really was difficult for all of us involved, and I would hate to see that happen to anyone else.   The relationship isn't always easy, and it is FAR from perfect with my mother-in-law to this day, but my husband and I have set the boundaries with them.  They know what can happen.  Also, this may not have anything to do with anything, but it is a good thing to keep in mind, that people say that there are two sides to every story - try three sides....your side, their side, and in the middle - the truth!