Usually a controlling person is a sign of insecurity, and I guess you know how secure you feel as a person and with your relationship. We all have baggage from our childhood, and yes, it is difficult to not repeat a pattern that we have seen in our own household, but it is not impossible.
One thing you need to do, is ensure you are owning up at all times, that your controlling ways, are your problems, and your wife is not to blame for your actions. If your wife has given you a reason to be controlling, then again, how you react to that is again on you, not her. If she has given you a reason, then you need to work through that and move on, not keep opening old wounds, and if she has not given you a reason, then again, you need to always accept blame, ensure you are not doing the "see what you made me do" thing that so many of us do to each other.
Keep the communications open and when you are feeling threatened, and feel like you need to have control of a situation, then talk to her about it, and express what you are feeling. This is not to justify what you are feeling/doing, this is the help her better understand where you are coming from. I hope this helps, good luck
