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Replies to '08/01 Extreme Highs and Lows'
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March 6, 2006, 1:24 pm PST
 Quote From: tinadragon I just saw the commercial for this show and had to register to post. I was diagnosed with rapid cycling bi-polar disorder in 1999 after years and years of misdiagnosis. I've been hospitalized twice and have been on more different types of medication than I can remember. Right now I'm on 4 different ones. It doesn't completely take my drastic mood swings away, but it does help.
Just watching the small piece of the woman trying to explain incidences where she thinks she's going to hurt/kill someone...my GOD...it's ME! My rages can and have gotten out of control. We don't have a gun in the house because my husband is afraid I'd use it. I've come after him with my fists and with knives...it's shameful to admit. With the medication, I'm usually on an even keel, but when I get pushed too far I snap and there's nothing I can do about it. My mind is gone and the rage takes over.
In my depressed state, I don't do anything. I have 0 energy, stay on the couch, don't get dressed. My kids fend for themselves and I turn to self mutilation.
Like a lot of people with this problem, you get on the medicine, you feel fine..then you stop taking it thinking you don't need it anymore, then go into a tailspin. Hopefully I've learned my lesson now. I haven't stopped taking my meds since my last hospital stay over a year ago.
I have no social life. I don't leave the house unless I absolutely have to. Once a week I go to the grocery store. I have it down to a science where I can get there and get back home in an hour. I no longer talk to my friends and when holiday visiting/birthdays come around I stay away from everyone and I'm only good for about 2 hours until I start freaking to go home.
There's so much more..I can't find the words. I don't talk about this unless it's with my doctors...it's been a very long time since I've opened up about it all. Thanks for listening to me vent. I hope I can meet a lot of other bi-polars here thanks to this show. If anyone knows on any forums for bi-polars...PLEASE let me know! How terrible it is for you to feel this way. With the right therpeutic help it does not have to be this way. I have dealt with Dysthymia. This is too a mood disorder. It is a chronic low grade depression with bouts of severe depression. I know how you feel when you are low. Usually what happens is the medications for bipolar often blunt affect. A lot of famous people who did great things had bipolar disorder. There is a book about Marie Carry who after studying her life had bipolar one disorder. She had extremely low moods where she could not get out of bed for weeks. She also had weeks of mania where she discovered radium. So don't feel terrible. You are not alone. There a many great people, writers, doctors, actors, scientists who have this disorder. They often suffer in silence. You coming out will help others. I honestly don't think mental health is very helpful with regard to this disorder. It is not a highly understood medical condition. There are new drugs for this disorder and I would check with your doctor about them Equatro being one of them. I would also keep a jouranl of your cycles. I know it is hard sometimes to muster up the energy but I would try it as much as possible. I would take the journal to your doctor to give him more information so he can implement a more effective treatment. Remember you are not alone. There are millions suffering with this disorder. Good luck.
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