Quote From: zavcamWell we talked last night and I told him flat out me or her. He first told me he had to think about it becuase it wasn't fair that I was picking his friends. Then I told him that maybe we should seperate for awhile and he said he didn't want to, but if that is what I wanted then he would leave. By the time he left for work last night ( works 3rd shift ) he said he wanted me and only me and would do what it takes to get my trust back. So now he claims he will not talk to her anymore, but I still think it's just words. It makes it harder when they work together too. I just want things back the way they use to be. I love him and would do anything for him, but I'm worried that if I go along with it all, he will say one thng and do another. If that happens it will hurt more in the long run becuase I let myself fall for the lies.
I have been trying to work this issue out for 11 years. The first time he cheated and then filed for divorce I was in counseling already (kick me when I'm down). my therapist told me to NOT take him back, tell him he needed counseling to discover why he chose someone else over working on our issues to make the marriage better, during this time of seperation NOT to have sex with him (even tho he'll claim he'll go somewhere else to meet the needs you don't), and let him prove from a distance that he wants the marriage.
I didn't have the guts to do this, was too afraid he wouldn't come back for good, too afraid to be a single mom again, afraid of financial problems, etc. etc. If I would have stood my ground, it would have instilled the fear he needed that he can't play around and get me back OR I would have been freed of the continuous pain for 11 more years. He has continued to cheat in various ways that he doesn't count as cheating; cybersex, internet porn, porn shops, hiding those movies in our house, massage parlors, going out to lunch with women, flirting at work, the list is too long. I have now gotten the guts to leave and God gave me money so I don't have to work and can continue to homeschool and heal.
