Replies to 'Getting Along With Your In-Laws'

I have been with my husband since May, 2002; we married in May, 2003. My mother in law attended our wedding, as well as my brother in law & his wife & kids. Some of the things that have happend or been said were prior to us getting married; when my husband told his sister that we were getting married, all she could say was "I thought I'd see you single", no congratulations, no "I'm happy for you". My mother in law was in NY just before our wedding; she, my husband &I and his brother, wife & kids were at the cemitary that our fathers are buried at. My husband & I had gotten there before everyone else & we were "talking" to our fathers about our upcoming wedding; we just wanted to "let them know"; we mentioned this to his mother, and she replied "Well, I think they (both fathers) would say "are you sure?"", I, my husband, and his brother, were shocked that his mom would say this. Anywho, fast forward to now; we have since moved to Arizona; the sister lives here, and the mother has been living here since 2002. My husband wants us all to "just get along", and it's been a year and a half since we've moved down here, and his mom & sister STILL don't know me very well; we have been over to the sisters house several times. Her husband is an alcolholic, so everything that ever gets talked about has to do with him; he seems to have a certain amount of disdain for his wifes family (my husband, mother in law, brother in law, me) On 4th of July weekend, we went over (Yet again!!) and somehow the subject of their wedding came up (they've been married since 2000, 5 yrs now!); the husband made a comment "We had an $18 a plate reception; it's not like we had our wedding in a park with burgers", which is what my husband & I had done for our wedding; their reception was paid for, by the way, by HIS PARENTS & FUTURE MOTHER IN LAW!!! So, my husband & I got upset & left; as we were leaving, his sister asked what was wrong & he told them he didn't appreciate what her husband said; he's been making snide remarks for a while now, we've just been trying to ignore them; my mother in law & her both said that he didn't mean it, what he said. Well, we finally got talking again (on the phone); my sister in law says I should call her & come see her; last year & this year I have been home most every day in the summers because I work as a teacher assistant. Throughout this time, especially during my first year living here, I NEVER heard from either my MIL or SIL; they would talk to me through my husband. Last week, I did what my husband suggested: I called my SIL; she was getting ready to "go shopping" with her mom (my MIL); said she'd call me back; it's a week later, still NO CALL!!! My MIL called Sunday; said (to my husband) that her & my SIL would be calling me this week to go out to lunch; theres a hitch, though; its not to "get to know me", the whole thing is being planned because some friends of my BIL are in town & they want to take them out to lunch.  It seems as if the only person in my husbands family who actually accepts me is his brother; no one else has even welcomed me into the family; unless I count my deceased FIL's brother & sister, my husbands uncle & aunt, and their spouses. Whats REALLY weird about the whole thing is that MY GREAT-GRANDMOTHER was best friends with MY HUSBANDS GRANDMOTHER, HIS FATHER'S MOM!!! How do I cope with the situation? It's as if I don't exist any other time to my MIL or SIL until they want my husband over to THEIR  houses; they don't come over to ours; many excuses given; ie: we live too far; we live on the 3rd floor, etc.  Can anyone give me some suggestions, coping strategies? I sure would appreciate any and all!  

I have been with my husband since May, 2002; we married in May, 2003. My mother in law attended our wedding, as well as my brother in law & his wife & kids. Some of the things that have happend or been said were prior to us getting married; when my husband told his sister that we were getting married, all she could say was "I thought I'd see you single", no congratulations, no "I'm happy for you". My mother in law was in NY just before our wedding; she, my husband &I and his brother, wife & kids were at the cemitary that our fathers are buried at. My husband & I had gotten there before everyone else & we were "talking" to our fathers about our upcoming wedding; we just wanted to "let them know"; we mentioned this to his mother, and she replied "Well, I think they (both fathers) would say "are you sure?"", I, my husband, and his brother, were shocked that his mom would say this. Anywho, fast forward to now; we have since moved to Arizona; the sister lives here, and the mother has been living here since 2002. My husband wants us all to "just get along", and it's been a year and a half since we've moved down here, and his mom & sister STILL don't know me very well; we have been over to the sisters house several times. Her husband is an alcolholic, so everything that ever gets talked about has to do with him; he seems to have a certain amount of disdain for his wifes family (my husband, mother in law, brother in law, me) On 4th of July weekend, we went over (Yet again!!) and somehow the subject of their wedding came up (they've been married since 2000, 5 yrs now!); the husband made a comment "We had an $18 a plate reception; it's not like we had our wedding in a park with burgers", which is what my husband & I had done for our wedding; their reception was paid for, by the way, by HIS PARENTS & FUTURE MOTHER IN LAW!!! So, my husband & I got upset & left; as we were leaving, his sister asked what was wrong & he told them he didn't appreciate what her husband said; he's been making snide remarks for a while now, we've just been trying to ignore them; my mother in law & her both said that he didn't mean it, what he said. Well, we finally got talking again (on the phone); my sister in law says I should call her & come see her; last year & this year I have been home most every day in the summers because I work as a teacher assistant. Throughout this time, especially during my first year living here, I NEVER heard from either my MIL or SIL; they would talk to me through my husband. Last week, I did what my husband suggested: I called my SIL; she was getting ready to "go shopping" with her mom (my MIL); said she'd call me back; it's a week later, still NO CALL!!! My MIL called Sunday; said (to my husband) that her & my SIL would be calling me this week to go out to lunch; theres a hitch, though; its not to "get to know me", the whole thing is being planned because some friends of my BIL are in town & they want to take them out to lunch.  It seems as if the only person in my husbands family who actually accepts me is his brother; no one else has even welcomed me into the family; unless I count my deceased FIL's brother & sister, my husbands uncle & aunt, and their spouses. Whats REALLY weird about the whole thing is that MY GREAT-GRANDMOTHER was best friends with MY HUSBANDS GRANDMOTHER, HIS FATHER'S MOM!!! How do I cope with the situation? It's as if I don't exist any other time to my MIL or SIL until they want my husband over to THEIR  houses; they don't come over to ours; many excuses given; ie: we live too far; we live on the 3rd floor, etc.  Can anyone give me some suggestions, coping strategies? I sure would appreciate any and all!  

I have been with my husband since May, 2002; we married in May, 2003. My mother in law attended our wedding, as well as my brother in law & his wife & kids. Some of the things that have happend or been said were prior to us getting married; when my husband told his sister that we were getting married, all she could say was "I thought I'd see you single", no congratulations, no "I'm happy for you". My mother in law was in NY just before our wedding; she, my husband &I and his brother, wife & kids were at the cemitary that our fathers are buried at. My husband & I had gotten there before everyone else & we were "talking" to our fathers about our upcoming wedding; we just wanted to "let them know"; we mentioned this to his mother, and she replied "Well, I think they (both fathers) would say "are you sure?"", I, my husband, and his brother, were shocked that his mom would say this. Anywho, fast forward to now; we have since moved to Arizona; the sister lives here, and the mother has been living here since 2002. My husband wants us all to "just get along", and it's been a year and a half since we've moved down here, and his mom & sister STILL don't know me very well; we have been over to the sisters house several times. Her husband is an alcolholic, so everything that ever gets talked about has to do with him; he seems to have a certain amount of disdain for his wifes family (my husband, mother in law, brother in law, me) On 4th of July weekend, we went over (Yet again!!) and somehow the subject of their wedding came up (they've been married since 2000, 5 yrs now!); the husband made a comment "We had an $18 a plate reception; it's not like we had our wedding in a park with burgers", which is what my husband & I had done for our wedding; their reception was paid for, by the way, by HIS PARENTS & FUTURE MOTHER IN LAW!!! So, my husband & I got upset & left; as we were leaving, his sister asked what was wrong & he told them he didn't appreciate what her husband said; he's been making snide remarks for a while now, we've just been trying to ignore them; my mother in law & her both said that he didn't mean it, what he said. Well, we finally got talking again (on the phone); my sister in law says I should call her & come see her; last year & this year I have been home most every day in the summers because I work as a teacher assistant. Throughout this time, especially during my first year living here, I NEVER heard from either my MIL or SIL; they would talk to me through my husband. Last week, I did what my husband suggested: I called my SIL; she was getting ready to "go shopping" with her mom (my MIL); said she'd call me back; it's a week later, still NO CALL!!! My MIL called Sunday; said (to my husband) that her & my SIL would be calling me this week to go out to lunch; theres a hitch, though; its not to "get to know me", the whole thing is being planned because some friends of my BIL are in town & they want to take them out to lunch.  It seems as if the only person in my husbands family who actually accepts me is his brother; no one else has even welcomed me into the family; unless I count my deceased FIL's brother & sister, my husbands uncle & aunt, and their spouses. Whats REALLY weird about the whole thing is that MY GREAT-GRANDMOTHER was best friends with MY HUSBANDS GRANDMOTHER, HIS FATHER'S MOM!!! How do I cope with the situation? It's as if I don't exist any other time to my MIL or SIL until they want my husband over to THEIR  houses; they don't come over to ours; many excuses given; ie: we live too far; we live on the 3rd floor, etc.  Can anyone give me some suggestions, coping strategies? I sure would appreciate any and all!