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Replies to 'Bipolar Disorder'
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March 8, 2006, 10:47 am PST
 Quote From: jodioshea First off, I too do not have the answer. It's simply the old cliché, "You can take a horse to water but you can't make him drink". I've spent the past twenty some odd years arriving at the best, I think, med. cocktail but, even still, I have a few cycling periods. I've 'flunked' damn near every profession known to man, but now that I"m on SS Disability, I have the opportunity to pursue my true heart's desire....and that is to write. But the kicker is, my writing is so much more exciting, intense....my 'voice' is unbridled and uninhibited when I'm off my meds....but, I've learned the hard way, it's just not worth it. My third suicide attempt pretty nearly succeeded - I was on a heart monitor for three days - but it was truly a blessing in disguise. It landed me at Menninger's, the mental mecca of the Midwest, and from that wonderful institute, I learned first hand what the consequenses of a bipolar II / borderline personality diagnosis OFF THEIR MEDS can result in. During the three months I was confined to the hospital, two of my close friends/patients upon their release, did in fact, commit suicide. Fantastic, bright, funny people who loved the 'highs' but couldn't tolerate the 'lows'. I still think of them and what a waste...... I'm finally on a med. cocktail that doesn't entirely reduce my creative muse to a zombie but it took a lot experimentation.....Topamax and Prozac has been my saviour.....and it's worth it! That's my story and, likewise, I'm sorry I don't have the answer. I was a writer for a corporation when I was fired for being bipolar. I always wanted to write, but my mind was too chaotic before I was medicated. It was only after I began to take medication that I was able to write. Since going on SSA disability, I have turned my writing into a hobby with some limited success. I have had several stories published, but haven't been able to get my book into print.
I,too take Topamax, but took Tegretol until I developed an allergy to it. I had to go off that and when I did, my employer found out that I was bipolar and I was fired after working for the company for six years, shortly after receiving an award for being an outstanding employee. That's why I was unhappy with the show yesterday--it did nothing to improve the image of persons with bipolar disorder--just emphasized to employers that there was good reason to be rid of them before they go postal. |
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March 8, 2006, 11:37 am PST
Quote From: jodioshea First off, I too do not have the answer. It's simply the old cliché, "You can take a horse to water but you can't make him drink". I've spent the past twenty some odd years arriving at the best, I think, med. cocktail but, even still, I have a few cycling periods. I've 'flunked' damn near every profession known to man, but now that I"m on SS Disability, I have the opportunity to pursue my true heart's desire....and that is to write. But the kicker is, my writing is so much more exciting, intense....my 'voice' is unbridled and uninhibited when I'm off my meds....but, I've learned the hard way, it's just not worth it. My third suicide attempt pretty nearly succeeded - I was on a heart monitor for three days - but it was truly a blessing in disguise. It landed me at Menninger's, the mental mecca of the Midwest, and from that wonderful institute, I learned first hand what the consequenses of a bipolar II / borderline personality diagnosis OFF THEIR MEDS can result in. During the three months I was confined to the hospital, two of my close friends/patients upon their release, did in fact, commit suicide. Fantastic, bright, funny people who loved the 'highs' but couldn't tolerate the 'lows'. I still think of them and what a waste...... I'm finally on a med. cocktail that doesn't entirely reduce my creative muse to a zombie but it took a lot experimentation.....Topamax and Prozac has been my saviour.....and it's worth it! That's my story and, likewise, I'm sorry I don't have the answer. I have had this disorder my whole life but was officially diagnosed one year ago. I have been seeing a psychiatrist and therapist for 10 months now and have been on many medications. My most recent "cocktail" being respirdal, wellbutrin, epivale, rameron and colanzepam. I gained 30 pounds and was not at all happy about it. I stopped taking the respirdal, wellbutrin and rameron as I thought I was doing better. I have come to the realization that this was not a good idea. I am spiralling back down again but am still on the fence about re-introducing those medications. Logically I know I should but I am very confused about it. My doctor's still think I am taking the meds as I haven't the spine to tell them I stopped.
My whole life I knew there was something "different" about me but I never knew what. I have the typical highs and lows of bipolar coupled with obsessive compulsive disorder and some characteristics of borderline personlity disorder. I am so very tired of being this way. All I want is to be normal and I don't want to have to take medication to achieve this. I just want to be like the people around me and I don't understand what I did wrong to deserve this?? My sister is also bipolar and possibly my parents although they have never been officially diagnosed. It seems as though I was doomed from the get go. My relationship with my boyfriend of 12 years has been an extremely rocky one. Since I have been receiving treatment though he has been right at my side and very supportive. I just told him last night after watching Dr.Phil that I had stopped taking some of my medication. He was not very pleased.
I feel like I am at a fork in the road when it comes to medication. I know I should take it but does it really help me? Do I really want to continue being a guinea pig so to speak when it comes to meds? I don't know I am confused. Any thoughts? I would appreciate it.....
Confused in Canada |
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