Replies to 'Bipolar Disorder'

Wow you are going through a very rough time. I also think you should stand by your son he needs you the most right now. I think your husband and you should seek counsling and if he will not attend or try his best to help you and to helpyour marriage then maybe he is not right for you because not only does your son need support you also need some support and hopefully he will come  to his sences and start giving you the support you need. If not you can always come here for our support 

You have endured so much already and my heart goes out to you.  My advice is only one of the heart, not of any sound medical judgement.   

I know that if it were me, I would do whatever it would take to get my son to have the best medical treatment that there was out there.  You can't beat yourself up about him feeling that when he comes to you, you call the cops.  Remember, this is someone that has an illness, and is not thinking clearly.  I know it is hard to hear, but in your heart you know you are doing the best for him...always keep that in mind.  Keep saying it out loud to yourself if necessary.  Sometimes the best decisions in life are the hardest ones to make!   

Second, allow yourself to recognize that your son's condition is beyond you.  You are there to support him, but he needs to be with trained professionals in an environment where he will not be a threat to himself or you.  Perhaps that means being in a hospital 'until'......   

Empathize with your husband b/c he might not understand mental illness and probably is scared for you.  It sounds like this is his step son also.  Explain your position and come up with a plan that is suitable for both of you.  He needs to be there to support you and understand what you are going through.  Communicate with him about how you are feeling.   

I hope nothing but the best with your son and your situation.  Good luck and God bless all of you. 

Dear VGAMEZ, 

      I read your personal story and it was as if I was reading my own. I have never read anyone elses story about their child that really identified wih my own. My sons are both Bipolar 1 (and so was their paternal aunt) I say this in the passed tense because at the age of 54 she died in her sleep after so many years of torment on and off medications.  

My son is in a State Hospital in California for inmates. He just got there on Monday of this week after spending a year in a mental part of the Jail without much in the way of meds and no therapy at all. He ended up there on March 30th of last year 2005. He had been in and out of the hospital that whole last year and several times before then. My husband and I had gotten so tired of the mental health system that we paid more than $40,000 prior to this to try and help him in a private hospital. It wasn't great I will tell you and they had to keep him there even longer becaue what meds they gave him wouldn't work. My son tried several times to escape to another State and my husband and I would try and get him back here. He was trying to get to California and ended up psychotic as hell near El Paso and disoriented. My husband had to fly out to El Paso, rent a car, try to coerce him to get in the car with him(while he was psychotic) and drive all the way back home to Houston in a driving rainstorm where he could barely see the highway. My son made my husband give him the keys when they had stopped for something tho eat and because my husband was somewhat afraid of him (my son is almost six feet and 220 lbs. and my husband is 5'9 at only about 160 lbs)Anyway, to make a long story shorter my husband thought he was a gonner with my son driving the car at night with 18-wheelers all over the place. He truly thought he was dead. My son was driving the car and very reckless. My husband couldn't do anything about it. We were on the phone with my son's psychiatrist the whole night, actually early morning while he was on the phone with the state police and we were giving him different exits he was near so they could pull them over and take my son. They never found him so my son ended up turning back and heading to San Antonio because he didn't want to drive any further. After finally getting them home both safe, we had to try to get him to take his meds, which have been his problem all along. After several moments where we have tried to get the police involved we had to get a temporary guardianship to to take away all of his rights and get him restored to competency.  He was in a hospital for three months after spending a month in the county hospital. We thought things were getting better but he went off his meds again and after fleeing and us retrieving him in Austin at his cousin's house after a whole night of drinking at the bars and being disoriented so that she had to go and meet him so he could follow her home and we were able to drive there and get him home(wasn't easy to do with him not wanting to take any meds,and we are on the phone with the Doctor. Anyway by the next week while he was back at home he skipped out and left his car at the airport got on a plane to California and was able to rent a car disoriented, drop it somewhere where he couldn't even remember and then waited in a motel near the airport at LAX until he was able to get  a car dealership to sell him a car (with hardly any money in his account) and he gave them a fake address in Beverly Hills and they gave him a brand spanking new car!!!! He couldn't even find his way back to the motel he was staying at where at least he had brought some meds. He was on the phone with me telling me about this car and a navigator which wasn't working. We thought it too incredulous to be true( he was only 24 at the time) and next thing we knew, we got a phone call at 3:00am and was told by the police that he had been in a terrible car accident, that he was ok but that a woman had been killed. His car flipped over on top of hers and his car was totaled. He had been traveling 50 or 60 miles an hour on a residential street, and came up on a main six lane street and after killing this 40 year old woman another car hit hers and there were three cars involved. My husband and I could have bailed my son out but where was he to go? We have no family in CA . He would be a danger to himself and others. Unfortunately I hae ourselves to blame for this because not knowing everything we do now he has been in an accident before when he was in school, on a highway where he hit two ladies in one car, but they were alright but he had been drinking. He was in jail then while in school, and had to go on probation and no car for at lest a year then, He had also been traveling 120 miles an hour on a freeway here in town and had gotten stopped and gotten a ticket. Each time my husband and I enlisted an attorney to et his record expunged and we have that to live with. He has been in jail for a year and we have had to spend a lot of money on an attorney again to try and help so that he won't go to prison. The psychiatrist for the DA is the one who told the court that my son needed to be restored to competency.He needs to be helped and not be in prison. My husband and I have been to CA several times to visit him for 30 minutes at a time , with max two times in one week is allowed. Sometimes he wouldn't even come out to see us. Anyway, he is now in the hospital for a minimum of three months to restore his competency. We are leaving to go and see him and will be able to put out arms around him for 5 seconds. Before we were only allowed a plexiglass wall with a phone for a whole year. 

 Your story almost sounded as sad as mine and that is why I had to respond to it. I have an older son who is 28 and is on meds and has had a hard time with it too. He hasn't given me the amount of trouble though that the younger one has. I have to honestly say there are days when I just don't want o be on this earth to have to deal with it all. They are usually fleeting moments and no I am not suicidal. Just very sad at my son's prospects along with my husband and mine. I sure with they could find a cure for this dread disorder. Nobody seems to care though. Fortunately unlike you, without my husband in the picture, I don't think I would be either.