Replies to '08/01 Extreme Highs and Lows'

  I have read many many posts on this topic.  I think the show made the public (those who watch Dr. Phil) afraid of people with bi polar disorder.  The show did educate me on how extreme it can get. And that its simply not just a normal thing that you can deal with on your own.  I thought for the last 7 years that I could handle this on my own. Now I realize I was so wrong. In the last 2 months something has happened. The "demons" have taken over. Im very scared of what is to come next. I dont want to hurt anyone or myself.  But I feel like viki27a except she has delt with this much longer then I. I am 26 yrs old and have had signs of this disorder since I was in single digets. Why does god do this to so many of us, is it a test on our souls? I have 2 kids they are 2 and 3 and I dont want them to hate me whan they grow up and realize they have a crazy mom. I dont know what to do. Im to shy to ask for help. I dont have any family who actually cares for me. My husband, well, I think he might regret ever getting involved with me. He said before, he only attracts crazy women. I wasn't this bad though when we did get married. Its so unfair to him. I have so many problems. I was molested when I was @5 by another female over and over. I thought it was a game. I hid that inside me for a long time. My mother is an emotionless peroson, and acted as if she never wanted me. She took me away from the only normal family I had. But my father would not be any help to me anyway. He has to many of his own problems, nerves and something wrong with his brain(he acts like a kid) So I grew up poor in an abusive household mental and physical, with my younger bro. then mother remarried. A man from jail, that supposivily raped or molested his own daughter. So I had that to think of alot! I got pushed futher away from the family, and at age 15 I moved out. Got an apt after awhile had a couple abusive relationships. Then I moved to another state with one of these loser boyfriends. I got molested again in my sleep. I was 19, it was thanksgiving, It took 5-6 months until I finally found a cop who cared. Thank You Buffalo Detective In Vero, Fl.  I spent many nights(years) looking on the floor afraid someone was there. A monster on the floor. So many nightmares. I hate that Guy! 

Now I am married, I married my best friend. I have 2 boys. and I am getting worse even though my life is better. At least its better on the outside. And back to the top. Im very afraid of this illness, its eating away at me. Im afraid 

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