Replies to 'Should We Get Pregnant?'

Oh my gosh!  Your story is dajavue.  I am 23 with two boys. One 3 and one turning 2 in two months.  I recently had a miscarriage, in October, my second one.  I have not coped from that.  My brother is expecting a son next week, and my sister in law is due in late April.  As happy as I am for them both, I am so jealous inside.  My husband is against having another child right now.  He too says whats the rush. He says we'll have more "later", I dont know if thats his way of putting the subject aside for now or what.  I know it seems like I am being impatient.  And I guess I am, but I cant seem to get my heart to let me free of the desire of another child.  When I go to a store or anywhere and see a pregnant women, or a newborn, I get a knot in my throat and just want to cry.  And all I do is watch baby shows on tv, which just make it worse, but I feel compelled to watch.  Its like an addiction, but a good one.  I have begged my husband, pleaded, and even tried to bribe him.  It just doesnt seem to work.  He just doesnt understand how much my heart hurts for another child.  I too am a stay at home mom.  So we do live on a very tight budget.  He says the biggest reason that we should wait to have another child is money.  We have made it this far, I know we can manage.  The last time I had no trouble convincing him to have another child- but after the miscarriage his views totally changed.  I dont know how to convince him, so just like you, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Hi,
    I have read the messages you and the other ladies in the same position have written and can't help but feel a little jealous. You see I'm 23  almost 24 and just finished writing to another girl on this board who is 21, telling her that there is more to life than wanting children at a young age. I feel that  if you haven't already got kids to start any younger than 23 without being content with the rest of your life is selling yourself short, but on the other hand I have caught myself at times wanting children and scared that I'm running out of time. My brother's girlfriend who is 19 and has a beautiful son 3yrs, is now pregnant and at times it kills me because I would love to be able to share the moments I see her and her son have with a child of my own.

 I'm scared about running out of time cause a couple of months ago I walked away from my 2nd boyfriend, simply because another girl was paying way to much attention to him and he didn't see any problem, well they weren't doing anything wrong. The fact that she's manipulative and tried to break us up, which everyone but him could see, had everything to do with it. I told him it was her or me and he didn't want to loose either of us. We still spoke and hung out together and about a month and a half later he realized that he wanted me back, but of course this was after he had slept with her. Well that was until he found out that I had also found someone, which didn't workout 'cause I still had feelings for him. He was shattered and said he didn't want to be with me right now, but wanted me to hang around 'cause he likes my company and in the future if everything is OK get back together. Recently we found out the other girl is pregnant with his child, which was done through deception. I love him more than any thing in the world, but now I fell my time to have a baby is cut in half.

Ideally I would like to have my first child by the time I'm 25, any later to me is a risk and this is because I want at lest 2 or 3 with about 3/4 yrs between. Now I feel if I stay and wait for him, not only for the other child to be old enough before he has his next, that I'm wasting my time cause there is no guarantee that he'll come around and commit. Then there's the having to go out there and met  someone else, who may be Mr wrong again and again and wast more of my time.

I went out and had my fun which in a way I don't regret, but i do not want to wake up one day and realize that I'm in my 30's and alone with no children. So as you can see i am caught in the middle of my own thoughts, but would just like to say that you girls are so lucky to have the guys that love you and the children that you adore. I wish everyone was as lucky.

Good luck with the choices you all make and it has been great to hear all your stories.

 Love, miss_dette