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Replies to 'Living with Chronic Pain'
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March 10, 2006, 10:12 am PST
 Quote From: dianah
Just checking in and catching up on the messages.
Mrs. Happy Diana from Wy.. is just not too happy today.
I am not feeling good at all. Wondering if the weather is playing a mean game with me or just over did it the last few days.
My better half works in a coal mine here in Wy.. We have above ground mines here. And he has 7 days off in a row each month. And he only works 14 days a month. So, on his "days off" he loves to run 100 MPH.. and of course I try to keep up. He is good about letting me sleep- in or having a rest day with me.. BUT, there are days it just takes all I have to keep up with him and keep a "smile" on my face and say, I feel good, let's go............................
And between just "us", there are days I can't wait for him to go back to work, so I can just "rest" and not have to fake it all day.... And tonight is that "day"..
And then of course I put the guilt on myself, I'm only 41 years old and I feel much older and wore out. And today is just one of those days I feel "BAD".. my body hurts and my heart hurts.............. And I just wonder "how can he put up with me?" what kind of life is this for him??
And I have so much guilt about how this chronic mess I am in, effects my sex drive. It is horrible. The med's just kick me to "no drive". And I can't even count the time's I tell myself, okay, tonight you are going to "make fireworks" and guess what, I am just a fizzle.. a dud.. a punk.. NO Sparks on my end.....................................
Is this a problem for anyone else?? I am feeling like a "freak" about this. I know I have read how med's effect this and I know this is what has to be my problem. I never had this situation before my accident..
And so far, I have not read anything on here about it... oh, leave it to me to be the big mouth, but it is a huge issue to me.. and I feel so bad about it..
And again, between "us".. I have had more night mare's about my husband "leaving me for another women" had one last night.. he was packing up his things and she was in MY TRUCK waiting for him.. I have at least 3 of these kind of dreams a month.. And I always telling him, no divorce, I HAVE TO HAVE YOU HEALTH INSURANCE, yep, that's my big deal...
Okay, I know you are thinking I need to get a hold of myself here..
But, dose this effect anyone else? And how do you get things "going"??
I hope I have not offended anyone, but this is a problem for me, and not that I wish it on anyone else, BUT is this a problem for anyone else??
Diana,
You are not alone. Sex can be quiet the touchy subject to talk about. I have mixed feelings about it myself.
I always tell myself "tonight will be the night" but then I'm also a punk about it. I don't know if it's the pain meds I'm on or the stress the chronic pain has caused in my life and my relationship or not. My husband, who was also in the MVA accident with my is on pain meds as well. Our sex life has is practically non-existent and we are both very young. I'm suppose to be in my "prime". There are days when I become bitter about it and when I just want that intimacy and I'll approach my husband about it, but then later that night, I'm turning him down. And there are days when it's reversed. We can't seem to get in sync with one another. He moreso than I, however. I have much of a sex drive than he has. We were told the medication he is on will decrease his sex drive, but I didn't think that would throw him nonexistent land.
I guess at this point, I'm not afraid of him going elsewhere because he seems to be in the same boat as I, but as Dr. Phil alwasy says, it isn't the frequency of your sex, it's the intimacy and in a good relationship it just happens, everyone needs that closeness. But unfortunately, with those of us struggling with chronic pain, it isn't that easy.
I'm at a loss here, but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone whatsoever.
As far as "getting things going"....that isn't so much my husband's problem, that's mine. If I were to approach him a sexy manner, he just needs the right "mindset", doesn't take him long. But for me, a little "groping" doesn't do it anylonger...a little sexy talk doesn't either. I need much more stimulation than that. We've tried numerous things (and I hope this doesn't offend anyone either), but we've tried sex toys, we've tried pornography, we've tried longer periods of foreplay....and when women aren't in the mood (or myself rather, I shouldn't classify everyone here), the more you touch me, the more I become "ticklish" and simply ruins the mood.
So if anyone has any advice, I'll love to hear it myself.
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