Replies to 'Repairing Broken Relationships'

Life is tough, and it sounds like you had more than your share of the bad  things in life.There are many stories where mother's closed their eyes, or refused to believe that the person they love could do such a thing. 

One thing you need to realize that not too many years ago, this was a taboo thing to even talk about, much less have venues such as this board to discuss such problems. Today we wonder how someone  could be clueless about such  things because it is discussed on television, radio, magazines and so many mediums, that one would almost have to live in a vacuum to not have some sort of knowledge.  

This was not the way it was during your mother's time. I don't know your age, but I am taking it to be at least old enough to leave home. Forgiveness is a gift, just as much for the one giving it as the one receiving it. Don't squander your forgiveness, and realize that your mother, more than likely did not want anything to happen to you, and she has, I would think, given you more than just life.  You had clothes on your back, food in your belly, and at least what she perceived to be, a safe place to be. It is tough that this happened, but if you are still holding bad feelings, I doubt you have forgiven as much as you think you have. I am sure your mother has plenty of guilt now, knowing she was wrong in her decision to not believe you.  

I hope this helps. Good luck, and I will have a good thought for you. 

Trust is earned. If you cannot trust her, you can have a relationship, but on YOUR terms. If you want to send a card to her on her birthday or for Christmas, then do so, but that doesn't mean you have to visit or anything else.  She gave you life, appreciate that, say thank you and move on.. You can't change the past, but you can have a good life in the present . Decide what terms you want for your relationship with her and if she abides by them, take it one day at a time. .  To me , the deal breaker as for as your relationship with her is whether your mother admits that you have a valid  reason for being angry and hurt..  If the person you are dealing with doesn't feel that you have a valid complaint, nothing good can come of the relationship in my opinion, so move on and fill your life with those that do build you up as a person.

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  Hi everyone: What do you do when you have spent 25years closing doors on pain only to have it ripped up agian cause you found out you have been lied to? I grew up always trying to get people to like me specailily my mother who was always distant from me. I didn't understand why she kept me at such a distance and so I would turn into myself and blank out for quite a few periods of my childhood. Some of my black periods are still to this day lost to me. I felt like I grew up in a bubble seperate from all that I loved. It was a lonely exsistance. One day my mother showed interest in me and said if I wanted a future to snap out of it and so I did. It was like I had just woke up. I place all my energy into pleasing her then something happened to change my feeling about my mother for ever. I found my birth record. I would find out later that my feelings of always feeling like I didn't fit into my family sort of was the truth. My mother had lied about my father and got angry at me for noseing into her papers. I was very angry young adult by now and would marry a man  I didn't love just to get away from her. I did it to hurt her but as it turned out I hurt myself. I spent 4 years in an abusive unhappy marriage. Ya I showed her all right! I managed to ecape it with two babies in tow. I would spend the next 25 years stuggling and dealing with my life past and presant. Ah! finalily I have placed my life in some order and have found peace. My mother dies of cancer and I give it one more try to get the truth about my father but she cries and my heart can't seem to push it anymore. I will never find out and it feels like I'm not complete some how. Finalily after many years after her death I accept my loss and decide to focus on the rest of my life. Then I was hit with some information that hit me so hard I just wanted to find a dark hole and hide there for ever. I didn't want to be around anyone. My mother had 6 kids and decided to write each one a letter. She intrusted them to my younger sister to give them out after her death. She dicided not to give them out because of the information that was in my letter, which means she opened my letter. But you see In my heart I know my mother done this because my brother remembers her talking about it before she really got sick and I it is just something my mother would have done. but you see there is no proof. Those lies are with my mother, sister and the letters themselves. Everyone says I should just forgive, forget and go on. I know in my heart and soul that forgiveness might come maybe some day long from now but forget no never. I have always been able to deal with things and place them into the past but this is so different. That letter could have given me not only the truth about who  I am but close the door to a painful childhood. I could have finalily forgiven my mother maybe took back my life. Now and forever that will not be possible. I smile and pretend for my family and friends but I feel so hurt and broken I just don't know if I can put this neatly away like all the other hurts. Well my heart is really feeling tight in my chest right now so this is it but I would like to hear other's oppinions. How can I go on without feeling all this pain and not being whole?