Replies to '02/21 More Wifestyles'

Actually, it wasn't always that way.  See, when our children were young (2 bio kids and 4 step kids) we had to look at our needs and wants in relation to our family situation.  In other words REALITY CHECK!!   

When children are very young (up to age 4) they require a lot of supervision and hand-on help.  That's to be expected.  So, you have to relax your standards somewhat.  My yardstick was always based on:  Are the children safe and happy? If the house is a veritable pig sty, doors falling off hinges, cat litter overflowing, backed-up toilets, filthy floor, then no, the children are not safe.  

If I was so preoccupied with washing windows and cleaning the gutters and redecorating a room (usually with 3 thousand interuptions and numerous scares because the little ones thought they would "help") I would become so frustrated at not being able to do the things I wanted as opposed to the things I should and must be looking after - THE KIDS. So, I decided to relax my standards and expectations of myself.  Which address the second half of the yardstick:  Are the children Happy? 

My lightbulb moment came when my young son trampled the flowerbed to get a ball back.  I just yelled at him because I had spent a great deal of time and effort in getting it done.  When I saw the hurt in his little face, I decided that nothing was worth that.  Sure, I like a pretty yard and am proud of my home, but it cannot be at the family's expense.  

There is another aspect to this that you should also consider.  My husband and I act as partners in most things family / home / "Us" related.  We both work full time.  He brings me coffee in the morning and helps me up (bad back).  He leaves for work after moving the laundry through.  I get breakfast for the kids and make lunches.  I usually have dinners prepared ahead of time (my Sunday afternoon project) so that minimal prep is required come dinner time.   

I'll break it down for you:  Hubby does all the laundry: washes, folds, hang (the boys bring the baskets upstairs and I sort and put away with the boys.  I mostly do the cooking - except on weekends when he kicks in for a lunch or brunch.  The boys empty the dishwasher, pump drinking water and prep the coffee maker for the morning.  They are responsible for their space and possessions  and even though they are now 11 and 13, they do require reminders.  We have a girl who comes over in the morning to sweep the kitchen and go through the house with a sponge (spot cleaning the bathrooms and such) and to move the laundry through if needed.  She also comes in the afternoon to supervise homework. 

Our home is tidy and well maintained. We all pitch in so that at the end of the day, you aren’t left with one person feeling wrung-out physically, unappreciated and bitter. And we all spend at least one hour together at the end of the day.  

Anyway, this only addresses a few issues.  Hope it helps.  Remember - Relax your standards to accomodate your exisitng family situation!