Quote From: susanpearYes, lets talk about it! I have been married for 22 years (4-28-06). I have two daughters, one is nearly 18 and the other is 13. I have not worked steadily for 18 years. I am 50. My husband was a disappointment since day one. Almost divorced him after first 2 years, but he made the connection and we agreed to try again. We were just great and our first child was conceived in 1988. After she was born, we had to relocate to Denver, CO. from southern CA. Things broke down, partly due to my postpartum depression. However, he wound up working lots of overtime - without much notice to me. He never considered saying NO once in a while, and was indifferent to my pleas and anger. Here I was with a new baby, no family, no friends, or job. Very lonely and homesick. I gave up everything. It drove me crazy. I thought it was me, but knew he had his faults too. I was now totally dependant on him because I never went back to work. Being a parent seemed noble enough - and we decided to complete our experiences by having another daughter. Yet I had stopped loving him by then. How sick is that? Our second daughter put more strain on the family and relationships. I have been treated for depression. Things are so deteriorated and my daughters have definately suffered damage. Also I had pacemaker implant in 2001. Just finished breast-cancer treatment and surgeries. The only thing keeping me from walking out is money. Right now I am starting the job-hunt. But to find employment gainful enough to give a decent lifestyle (or what I am used to) - does not look like it will come soon. I also need advice on what to expect and what my entitlements are for getting a divorce. I really need people who know, to talk to me. So, I maintain at the things you mentioned - a marriage of convenience and we live like roommates. Thanks for reading, Susan
Sorry I didn't reply sooner, but can't always get on this computer. Can I ask where you live now ? Is it still Denver ?
I understand what it's like to be dependant upon a man. That's my issue now. Although when we married and had our kids, I was employed full-time. Eventually, I was laid-off, and that seemed to be one of the things that made our already stressful marriage worse. O'kay......a long story short :
After years of disagreements, not seeing eye-to-eye on ANYTHING....hurtful remarks and actions, my love for him has just dwindled. We're able to live together now much more respect and pleasant caring moments..........but that great love is not there anymore.
I don't know if it's the back-and-forth of it all that's got me second guessing our future, or is this just too little too late for me to truly care anymore ? Either way, I don't feel (yet anyway ) that I'm in a marriage of convenience, but the thought of it doesn't repulse me. I can see us coming to an aggrement that "this is my thing" and "this is your thing" , and we're here to co-parent and assist eachother in our daily routines.....and other than that we have seperate lives. Am I weird for believing I can live that way, if that's where it heads ? I absolutely DON'T relish the thought of being a single parent, facing all those hardships, losing half of everything,etc. etc. I guess I feel if it's okay with you and you feel you're not being abused or demeaned in any way, and you DO feel it's for your benefit.........why not ? I'm maybe feeling too old to just get up and start all over again....do I want the hassle? Yes, a marriage of convenience would be easier.
I was hoping to hear ffom someone who might be living this way now.......and it's actually
WORKING.
Susanpear - If your feeling totured and tormented or just plain unhappy living with your husband, then you should get out.......for your sake. It's quite possible that after you find employment, your husband may be turned around by your new found independance and importance.....and may change his ways. That's what happened to my h after I went back to work. I don't know if that's something that can make your life a happier place , but it's definitely worth a try.
