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Replies to '02/21 More Wifestyles'
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March 24, 2006, 6:56 am PST
 Quote From: amyjo304 I didn't change to save my marriage. When we seperated I began to ask myself questions. The first being, are the things that my husband is pointing out realy outrageuous? If I do change these things am I doing them to be better for him or would these things make me a better person? What I realized is that the things that he would talk to me about were things that would make me a better person, even without him. Then I moved on to whether or not I wanted to stay married to him. Hypothetical question. The person I am seeing tells me he wants to have children. I agree. He proposes, we get married and then I say "you know what, I decided I just don't want to have children anymore." What position has that left him in? I tell my husband, before we get married, I want to have children. I want to take care of the children and our home. I want that responsability. Then we get married, have children and I decide it's too much work. I don't want to do it anymore. Is it my husbands fault that I am not doing what I said I would? Should he be allowed to be upset about this? Frustrated? Angry? There are choices that people make that bring other people into the situation. That allow people to count on them to follow through with their choices because that is the lifestyle that was choosen. I am not, nor have I ever said that being a stay at home mom was easy, but you don't just give up when it gets too hard. You and anyone else can say what you will about my marriage. You have every right to your opinions, but opinions are not truth. Only my husband and I know what the truth is in our relationship and if your opinion is to not give creedence or weight to the things that I have stated, again it is your choice. I just feel bad for you that you can't take someone elses story and possibly learn from it without looking at a time frame. By the way, Grant didn't club Kelly over the head, grab her by the hair and drag her on to Dr. Phil like a caveman, she walked on stage just like everyone else. When two people get married they have no idea what life can throw their way. I'm sure many a man said he would never cheat and does. I'm sure many a woman said they wanted to have kids and found out they coudn't for whatever reason. So, do you divorce? Marriage is about loving someone no matter what- richer/poorer, sickness/health, good times/bad times. Don't get me wrong- abuse is a dealbreaker in any way shape or form. But, things like trash cans and pantries are not! If a woman has the PRIVILEGE of staying home then she does take on the majority of household stuff. However, I don't think that if she's giving 100% then the hubby needs to be so critical. If the situation is not working (for either of them) then a sit down to re-negotiate would be key. That's the point I think you're missing entirely on these posts. The hubby doesn't have to be a tyrant and demand perfection. I'm sure at his job he has forgotten a thing or two but the bottom line is he's doing the best he can with what he's given. I think for Kelly/Grant she is doing what she can and Grant is totally unwilling to try and help. He made comments to the effect of he can afford a housekeeper, nanny, etc. so wouldn't that be a wise investment at this stage ? I can only speak for my husband but if my sanity /our marriage were on the line and he could aid in helping he would do it in a minute! I cannot imagine a husband who wouldn't- or a wife for that matter. That's part of marriage- wanting to help the other when they are down!!! It seems you are very concerned with "he said, she said" and that's OK if that works for you. Most of us got married to have someone to pull us from the muck when necessary- not leave because I said this or that and I'm not doing it. BTW, I am very capable of learning from other's stories when they relate to me. Your story didn't impress me as we have very different marriages. However, it did make me appreciate my hubby that much more, as does Grant/Kelly's story. Again, I'm glad you and your husband found strength through filing divorce- I just hope that for me and mine we can find strength in helping each other. |
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