Quote From: dmmcintyreLets back track: I received a call from the other woman last month, and he confessed. This affair took place while he was working in another state, the state and area that we are to move to. Anyway, we went on vacation last month and had a great time. I decided to take her out of my mind (until she called him @ 2:30 am, crazy drunk B____) and really work on our relationship. The next morning he told me that he would take care of the problem when he returned to work and file a restraining order against her. Anyway, we really reconnected during our time alone. It was the best thing for us. Then a week after our vacation, he returned to his job in the other state. The enitre time I was very uneasy about it. Wondering and wondering. I remember him telling me that I just needed to get over it or it will doom our marriage. He really hurt my feelings. I decided to send him an e-mail expressing my feelings and asked him how he would feel if I was the one to have had an affair. Well I think that worked. He finally realized that we do need to take about it to get past it and not walk around the giant elephant thats in the middle of our marriage. Well he has been home for 2 days now, and we still haven't talked yet. I am still very uneasy about the whole thing, but I came to realize that I love him with all my heart and because of this I want to get past this and for my children. I'm not sure if I should be the one to start a conversation or should I give him more time to start it.
No one can ever judge how you react to this happening to you. Affairs don't come from the blue, we know, but are too afraid to admit it. Finally when we do, it is pretty far into the relationship for them. TRUST is always there until it is lost. It is up to him to work his butt off to regain the trust, if that is truely what he wants and if you TRUELY want it to work. A break is always good.
Obviously this happened in my marriage. I was 17 and he was 21 when we married. It was not an easy ride, and she was just there to tell him that I was not the one for him. And with never experiencing an other love relationship, he jumped at it. The thing with him is that he was not the same man when he was with her and I could see through it. I was also totally willing to let him go as well. This is how I handled it. He went to work after a FULL night of discussion regarding the situation. I was a mess of course. He came home for lunch, I feed him, like I always did. I let him have his cat nap, like I always did. Then I asked him if he spoke to her at work (she worked with him). He said he told her he couldn't, my response was couldn't or wouldn't and he responded with couldn't. So I went into our bedroom with 2 laundry baskets, packed his things in his car, took our house key and mail key from his key chain and went back down stairs. I calmly told him that he had obviously made his decision and told him that he no longer lived with us. He was shocked. Then called me a few names, I never responded. After about 2-3 months he had had enough. I told him I wasn't interested until he got help to figure out what went wrong. He went to get help and we have been happily together now for 13 yrs since the incident. Now on the other hand the woman he was with has since broken up 3 marriages and I am sure is working on another. But not my life, what goes around comes around.
My suggestion would be to get help yourself, and he has to prove to you with seeing his cell phone, emails, etc to win back your trust, if he really is worth the fight, then go ahead fight for the relationship. But if he can't give you that, then you have to move on. I would rather be alone then with someone and alone.
It happens to more people than they care to admit. It is sad that people take relationships so lightly. If they only knew that it is the hardest job you will ever have in your life, with the biggest rewards.
Enjoy and good luck
