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Replies to '02/21 More Wifestyles'
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March 24, 2006, 11:44 am PST
 Quote From: amyjo304 This was the first post that I had made in a while. I happened to hop on and the debate over the 75 items was on. I was just curious at what people count and don't count. My position has always been this though. If a couple makes a decision about the division of work and they both agree to it, than they should both follow through with what they agreed to. If they don't than a spouse has every right to be angry if things are continually not taken care of. In your situation, however, you and your husband have found that balance and it works for you. I think that it is great that it works for you as a couple. I think many women look at those women who want to be a homemaker with "curious envy" because some of those things don't come naturally. It didn't for me, but it is what I wanted and worked towards that goal. It is what I wanted to present to my children and my husband. To each their own. I strive to be the best at everything that I choose to do, as I am sure that you do. I agree with your statement too of a good mother not going hand in hand with being a good homemaker, but I choose to be both because I know that I am capable of that. Not that others aren't, and I can already assume the comments that I am going to get, but it is what I want for me and my family. If a couple makes a decision about the division of work and they both agree to it, than they should both follow through with what they agreed to. If they don't than a spouse has every right to be angry if things are continually not taken care of.
In my marriage, we have agreed that my husband would be the breadwinner, and I would stay home to raise our children. Any change to that set-up would require some serious soul searching and negotiations. As far as division of labor.....we've never really talked that much about it. I do the majority of the stuff that needs to be done around the house, because it seems to make more sense at this time. But my husband and I are both mature, honest people. We have never had the need to seriously "divvy up" the chores. Sometimes he'll unload the dishwasher if he gets to it first, and I'm usually the one dragging the cans to the curb on garbage day.
I will allow that my marriage requires a great deal of flexibility. My husband travels a great deal, and when he doesn't travel, he works from a home office. So he GETS what I do all day, and he GETS that when he's away, I'm on my own from morning to night. Sometimes when he's home, it's worse. He can put in 70-80 hour weeks, and since his company is international, he can have calls scheduled at all hours. So he's dirtying dishes and clothes, and requiring meals, but he's not much help. Plus, I have to keep the boys from crying outside his door because they miss "daddy". If I didn't have a great ability to roll with the punches, we wouldn't make it. So I don't expect him to get bent out of shape about what I do or don't do. Sometimes we do get into minor spats about what needs to be done, but we quickly realize that we are BOTH working too hard, and there's no point in having a pissing contest about who is the most tired.
If some marriages work better with very clear expectations and roles, that's fine. I have trouble imagining myself living like that. I prefer the "we're both in this together, let's find the best route to happiness" mentality. |
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